I can be Social Probably Maybe
by Heavensguard
Summary: For what it is worth, I am socially awkward. It isn't a bad thing nor a good thing. What it does leave, is room to grow. Perhaps I need an experience. Perhaps I need something so completely out of the normal. Perhaps I need... a little pony?
1. Chapter 1

I can be social. Probably. Maybe.

* * *

My name is Ned Delostrinos.

I am socially awkward.

A great impression to who I am. Allow me to elaborate. To those who have recently gotten to know me, I'm quite the outgoing guy. I talk and make jokes(more on that in a little bit). To those who have grown up with me know that I'm socially retarded.

This would require more elaboration, wouldn't it?

Let's start with recent things. My newer friends(or would it be acquaintances) would identify me as a cheerful individual who goes out of his way to greet everyone. That should be a sign to the inner personality, someone who is actively seeking to interact with people. It either leads to that person is a socialite or making up for something. For me, I can only assume the latter(I may go into detail about that.).

Older friends know that I am an isolationist. I prefer the comforts of virtual anonymity to the outside. It's not like I fear the outside world, it's just my preference to play videogames rather than sports. I go out with friends, I play videogames with friends, and I like hanging out with friends. I just like being in a comfortable place and just do what entertains me best.

Yea, I am on the lazy side.

Now if I were to critically analyze myself, it would go like this.

Growing up in a spoiled childhood has incredibly increased my difficulties in my adolescence years. Self-imposed isolation in adolescence as drastically reduced social skills and obstacles for late adolescence. Preference to virtual satisfaction leads to indoor activities.

Now I can understand this to some degree. I am socially awkward.

My newer friends can probably tell this from the fact that whilst following through a witty one-liner, my thoughts stop dead, and I mess up on the punchline to a sad degree. They also know that I'm not that knowledgable on popular social topics like sports, celebrities, or tv shows. But I can talk a mean storm about halo and starcraft. Terrans need a super soldier to handle all them zerglings.

I should probably stop delving into my own mental stability and probably focus on what had just occured.

Let's rewind abit.

Ah.

I had just gotten into college. Big accomplishment in my book, not so much in my family's eyes. I got my dorm and moved in. I believe I refurbished it. Finally loaded Starcraft and Guild Wars 2.

Oh looky, is that a tear into the fabric of reality?

Oh dear, why am I flying towards it?

Oh shenanigans, Am I in the void that is the space time continuum?

Oh nice, thats the ground. Wait. I'm moving pretty fast.

Oh good. Darkness.

Yep. That sums it up pretty nicely.

Hold on to that. I forgot the part where I wake up to, of all things, a purple pony.

Scratch that. Purple Unicorn.

"Purple...?"

"Hey, It's coming to, everypony..." Did it just talk?

"Hrk.." looks like my mouth isn't working quite yet.

"Hey! Are you alright?" the purple pon- unicorn says. Yea, it's a unicorn. It has a horn on its forehead... along with a dark purple mane with a red and pink streak. That's totally acceptable.

"Nrg..." Good lord, did I break my jaw? Nope, still moving.

"Twilight, I don't think it's alright. Whatever it is." Looks like this purple unicorn wasn't alone.

"...uh...What happened...?" Finally. Damned lips took their sweet time.

"Well, you fell from the sky." It came from somewhere out of my vision. I didn't feel up to looking just yet. Could be something weirder than a purple pon- unicorn. Dammit.

If I had a unicorn, I wouldn't make it purple. Make it white or something. At least that would correspond to what I had in mind already.

Wait. Fell from the sky? I need context.

"...The.. sky?... how?" hmm, I get a feeling -

"Yea, dropped outta the big blue above. Fell lika' rock. A realleh big rock" This was different from that other voice, had an accent. Southern? Anyway, kinda obvious I dropped from the sky.

"...Why?" Yea, I expect the answer to be-

"Well... I was kinda working on a spell and it... sorta worked." Well, I would say I did expect that, but no one goes anywhere good lying in to themselves. In their head.

...Spell!?

"...Argh!..." Probably shouldn't have gotten up so quickly. The world was spinning. Colors were blurring.

Stop. Spinning. World.

Need. Context.

"Hey! Be careful!" Oh, nice. Another voice to the mystery.

I don't think exclaimation points are necessary for that last one. I could barely hear that soft voice.

With a shake of the head(whoa, terrible idea), my vision spun for a bit before finally clearing up and slowing down. Let's take role call!

Right leg. Check.

Left leg. Check. Slightly scuffled.

Right arm. Check. Sleeve is bunched up.

Left arm. Check. Dirt.

Body. Yup still there. Bruised? Maybe

Head. Slightly spinning. Check.

All of Ned Delostrinos has made it through whatever the hell just happened.

"Ugh... um... you said spell, right?" Oh nice, my voice is wavering.

"Yes... You see I was trying to practice a teleporting spell..." Spell? Well, it is a unicorn. Perfectly acceptable.

"- and I may have messed up somewhere on the casting." Well, I would say sorta.

"...I would say sort of... You did take me from my room to here." Ah, my voice is normal...sorta. "Wherever here is..."

I decided that sitting down is no longer something I should be doing. I got my feet under me and rose up to the sky. I would admit, I may have struggled in doing so.

The sky was blue, that's normal. The hill was green with grass that stretched to a meadow, that's normal. A cool breeze brushed against my body, that's normal.

A purple unicorn. That isn't normal. Stop being repetitive.

Oh, it's pretty short. I guess roughly three feet, maybe three and a half?

Right, we're not alone.

A look to my left.

Orange pony, yea it's a pony, with a blonde mane. That's pretty normal. Oh, it has a tan cowboy hat. Of all things. BUT I'll take it. Beats what I saw afterwards. Also, it had green eyes.

Pink. An actual pink pony, Yes I checked! With a poof pink mane. Perhaps I should slap on a pink hat?

A look to my right.

YES! A white unicorn. THE WORLD MAKES SENSE! Ah, it has a dark purple mane(quite flowing and stylish too). Purple eyes, alluring.

Ah, I've been too quiet.

"Ah...sorry. Allow me to introduce my messed-up self. My name is Ned Delostrinos." I bowed my head abit. People love head bowing. Wonder if that applies to those of the equine variety?

I tipped my head back up.

"Are those pegasus's?" Pegasus's? Well, there's my brain fart. Pegasi. Remember it.

First of the two pegasi was yellow. I can handle that. It had a pink mane, almost as flowing as the white unicorn, though not as alluring.

"Is that a blue pegasus with a rainbow mane?" Yup. A blue pegasus with a rainbow colored mane. Reality, exit stage right.

"Yes. You seem quite knowledgeable." The purple unicorn says.

"Cute. Well, tha- Urk!" I would have said thank you, but Miss Blue had other plans. It tackled me to the ground pretty fast. Damn that hurts. Oh. It's trotting on my chest. Neats. I lift my head only for it to press into the blue meanie's ...snout?

"Who are you calling cute?!" Hey, this matched the second voice. Ow. Why is she taking insult to cute? Ow. Oh looky, darkness is edging my periphreals. Ow.

"Rainbow! Stop that! You're hurting it!" Someon- THING pushed the blue curbstomper off of me and a worried purple face...snout...whatever replaced it.

"Are you alright?" It asks. You know what. I'm genderizing these ponies. Purple unicorn is now a she.

"Yea," I croak to her, "I've felt better, but I can manage this."

I felt something clamp on my left shoulder. A quick glance shows that the orange pony has bit my shoulder, surprisingly just the cloth. She hefted me up a bit, before I lifted myself to my feet.

"Thanks...?"

"Applejack, and no problem fella." Southern accent, blonde, and a cowboy hat. What a combo. I smile. I felt movement on my back. I turn my head to look over my shoulder, only to press into another snout. Pink?

"You can call me Pinkie Pie! So what are you, buddy-ru?" Huh. Could have sworn she was alittle infront of me. Wait. She's sticking out from within my shirt collar!

"How-w-w...? You know what? I'll accept that for now. Nice to meet you." When I looked back at the purple unicorn, I could have sworn I saw her nod her head.

"Well, my name is Rarity. You look absolutly terrible in those threads. We should change that up soon." So, a white unicorn named Rarity. Seems fitting. Did she make a dig at my clothes?

"Sure... Can I safely assume that there are no other... well, creatures like me around?" I was gonna say humans, but something tells me they don't know that term.

"Nope. Nothing even remotely similar to you. You can call me Twilight Sparkle and this is Fluttershy." She pointed her hoof towards the flying yellow pegasus, who seemed to have 'eeped' and shot behind Twilight, barely peeking out beside her. Wait.

If there are no humans, that means that the primary indigenous species around would be.

TALKING PONIES

Fcuk

"And you have already met Rainbow Dash." Twilight gestures to the last equine of blue and wings. Rainbow Dash? How very fitting.

"I'm gonna go on a limb here and say, I'm not in Maryland am I?" Ask the obvious.

"Maryland?" Oh boy. "Not familiar with that. No, you are in Equestria." Twilight says.

...

FCUK!

* * *

"I gotta say. You guys seem to be taking this whole thing in stride." Well, except one of you. Smarter not to voice that.

"We could say the same about you, pardner" ...Applejack... I think.

"Well, let's just say that I'm letting my usual conceptions go out the window for now. Otherwise, It would be me getting frisky with the floor." Always wanted to say that.

"Ooooh. I'm not quite sure how the floor would feel about that. You should probably get to know it first, Neddy!" Pinkie wants me to wine and dine it first? Damn. How do I follow that one up?

"Help me break the ice first, Pinkie." Hah! I'm so smooth.

"Alright, here we are." The purple unicorn had taken me to this place called Ponyville(Oh I wonder what could possibly be here?) and was taking me to her home. The rest of the ponies(Is it alright to call not-ponies, ponies?) followed along. Twilight (Or was it Rarity?) approached a giant tree. Wait. This tree had windows. A balcony. A door. More windows. This was like the ultimate treehouse. AWESOME!

"Awesome place," my voice may have quivered.

"Thanks, come on in." Twilight says with a smile before opening up the front door and strolling in. I followed.

*Thud*

Riiiiight. Ponies that barely make up to half my size. It would be logical that their doors would be catered to their height. Smooth Delostrinos.

I duck down and enter the treehouse of awesomeness.

"Oh hey! What's that, Twilight? Whoa, wait, why is it stumbling backwards?"

"What in tar'nation?!" "Ah? What's going on?" "Eep!" "Hey! What's the hold up?" "Silly Neddy, we can't come in if you back out!"

Is that a dragon?

"Is that a dragon?" I will admit. My voice did quiver.

"Why yes, he is." Twilight seemed to be all too happy with my reaction.

"That's so COOL!" Then again, I'm sure I'm entertainning right now. I guess I'm funny when I'm suspending my belief.

I dove to my knees before the purple scaled dragon. It had a green fin on its head, like a mohawk, with a corresponding green fin going down its back. It had a short snout. I should probably mention that it was shorter than the ponies.

DOESN'T MATTER, IT IS A DRAGON!

"...For the king, for the king, for the king of Skyrim..." Yea. I was having a nerdgasm.

"Um, sorry, what are you saying?" It asked. I guess I wasn't whispering low enough.

"Ignore that. You are a dragon. You are friggin' awesome!" It seemed quite content that I was praising it. Who wouldn't praise a dragon.

Stupid people. Thats who.

Though, why is he so short?

"I'm curious though, how come you aren't big and terrifying?"

"Well, Spike here is just a baby dragon." Twilight's words seem to blow the wind out of Spike's sails.

"Yes, Spikey Wikey here is just the cutest, most adorable little thing around here." I turn to see Rarity trot by, briefly brushing the dragon's head, then trotting on by. That was disturbing.

Wait. Why was spike floating. How come he is following the unicorn. Why does his eyes seem glazed ov- oh. Ooooh. Sunnova.

Welp, he just lost some points in my books. Still gets points for being a dragon. Doesn't matter if baby dragon.

"Ah here it is!" My attention was brought back to Twlight as her horn glowed and a book flew from a shelf.

Oh I should probably mention that the inside of her home seems to be a library. A treehouse library. That's pretty cool.

Ánywho, Twilight levitates a book(hey it's glowing) into my hands. I probably should be going crazy at the sign of magic, but hey, Suspending belief.

The book read, "The history of Equestria."

Oh there's this extra tibit. "For Colts and Fillies!"

Good lord, I've stumbled on the Equestrian version of "Our world. FOR DUMMIES!"

"Thanks" I hope I was convincing. I didn't sound like it. I open the book.

Well, this is going to be interesting.

'The sun and the moon is raised and lowered by Princess Celestia.' I read.

Oh, this is going to be fun.

"I'm gonna say that this land's religion is the worship of a goddess?"

"Ah no, just Princess Celestia. Which reminds me. SPIKE!" Twilight shouts.

The dragon seemed to snap out of his trance from floating around with Rarity and dropped to the floor.

"I need you to write a letter to the Princess to inform her of this incident." The dragon salutes and dashes off out of the room.

"Well, this is a nice place Twilight." I was nervous. I realize that there is a chance that this isn't all a hallucination or a dream. How the hell am I gonna live in a land full of talking ponies?

Well, At least it has a dragon. Everything is better with dragons.

* * *

It has been a week since I came to Equestria.

A week of dealing with talking ponies.

And I honestly can't say that I hate it.

Let's break it down.

The first few days have gone along the fashion of me getting aquainted with the ponies. Vice versa with them to me. The town took it quite well. I took it well enough. After fainting once.

It's not like it was all shocking. It was just a good portion to absorb.

I sleep at Twilight's treehouse in my own handcrafted bed. Handcrafted because nothing here is my size. Well, thankfully Twilight had a book on Equestrian carpentry, so learning was fun. Had to get some tools from another pony in town, named Smokestack. He seems really cool. He taught me all I really need to know about carpentry. Might be working for him sometime soon.

So built my first bed. Alittle squeaky at times, but it is really comfortable. Spike and Rainbow Dash laughed at me the first time I tried to lay down on it. The cheeky bastards.

I spent most of the week with Twilight and Spike. Learned that Twilight was suppose to write to her mentor and ruler of the land, Princess Celestia, everyday on what lessons she learns. Usually about friendship. Yea, so she is a teacher's pet. Poor Spike though, having to write everything for her. Oh well.

The little time I didn't spend with Twilight was spent either getting to know the ponies in town(everyone is pretty nice) and helping out at the Sweet Apple Acres. Gotta say, Big McIntosh is pretty chill. Less said about Applebloom the better. Granny Smith seems to take a liking to me, but that's probably because of the rate I eat apples.

Which brings me to one of my biggest dilemas. THERE'S NO MEAT!

Well, there is meat, but I gotta hunt it. And I won't go into how my first trip into the Everfree forest went.

Fcuking Manticore.

Anyway, Where am I currently?

In the treehouse.

"- yea, anyway my knowledge about unicorns and pegasi come from mythology."

"Mythology?" Twilight asks as she levitates a book into a growing pile. We are rearranging her books into a new system. Not sure if it beats her old one, but she was willing to try it out. It's a rather simplistic one really. Organize books by their genre and type then by alphabeticals. I'm not quite knowledgable on the actual system(Huey? or was it Dewey?), but my way seems simple enough.

"Well, Mythology is basically... Well long before my time, people couldn't really explain how the world works. So they made up stories and people took them as facts." I pull out a book and glance at the title, "A guide to treasure hunting." That would probably go in information: recreation.

"Like back then, people didn't know about the sun. So they said that a god named Apollo pulled the sun across the skies. They had a god for about everything. Thunder, Sea, Forest, War. Hell, even had a god of wine." Dionysus, did he even count as a god?

"Wow! You're people are pretty interesting. Are you getting all of this down, Spike?" I look over to see the dragon sitting on the table in the center of the room, jotting down everything I'm saying. I gotta hand it to the reptile, he has good handwriting at high speeds.

"Yea, despite all of it being disproven later on, it was still pretty cool. Anyway, Unicorns were a unique creature in legend. A rare creature- ", "How so?", "Well, special circumstances had to be met. First it responded only to women."

"Women?"

"Yea, the female gender of my species. Also known as the fairer sex of our kind."

"Ah, you said that before. Right Spike?"

"Ah yea, just gotta find it." Spike squeaks and begins to flip through the pages.

"Page three Spike. About mid-way through."

"Ah, there it is. Thanks!"

"Yea, anyway, responds only to women. The women had to be pure, meaning never having been bedded. Unicorns tend to like full moons and large ponds untouched by man. So yea they were pretty circumstantial creatures. Even then, they had a large reward."

"What kind of reward?"

"Well, they were the fastest of runners. Some say they had magic-"I notice Twilight grinned at that, I smirked back. "but the biggest prize came with their flesh."

"Their flesh?"

"Yea it's pretty grim. They say that the blood of a unicorn can grant immortality. Not the same immortality of a god, but another kind called a half-life." I never quite knew what a half life is. "Yea, I think it's a life of constant suffering or something. Anyway, the horn of the unicorn, if grounded, can cure any illness. Lastly, they say that the flesh of a unicorn will sate one's hunger. Forever." That would be nice, but Twilight seems a little ill at this. "Sorry"

"It's alright. You at least know that isn't true. Right?"

"Yea, don't worry. I won't start nibbling on you anytime soon."

All three of us share a small laugh at that.

It seems nice to have this kind of interaction.

"And what about pegasus, Ned?" Spike asks.

"Yea, pegasi are alittle more famous than unicorns. They tie directly to mythology because they are part of two legendary heroes. Hercules and Perseus." Oh, what's in this book?

I promptly closed it and threw it behind me.

"What was that book?"

"'The anatomy of a pony.' Not something I'm interested in at the moment." I took a breath before pulling out more books.

"With Hercules, who was the strongest and most famous of greek heroes, he was given the pegasus by his father, Zeus the god of thunder. Hercules was made famous by performing twelve labours deemed impossible by man." Yea, Herc was the coolest hero of that time. "With Perseus, another son of Zeus, he aquired the same pegasus from the body of creature called Medusa. A gorgon, or snake beast that could petrify with her stare.", "Like a cockatrice?", "Cockatrice? You're gonna have to bring me up to speed on that one Twilight. Later. Now, anyway, you see that Perseus was stuck on the island that housed Medusa's temple. Pegasus changed that and took Perseus to the city he was going to save. This story gave more details on Pegasus. It said that these creatures were the fastest of flyers and were quite durable."

"Wow, so you're people have great imaginations" Right you are Spike.

"Well, yea. They created a whole religion on this stuff. Everything they attempted to learn back then pushed us of the modern age forward. Great storytellers they had back then. I'm quite sure that the pegasi from my world could probably out fly anyone here."

"I wouldn't tell Rainbow Dash that." Twilight jokes as she begins to reshelve the books.

"I might, just to see how she reacts." To say that me and Dash didn't get along is like saying cats don't like getting wet. Since our first meeting, we just haven't gotten along.

"Heck, my ribs still ache from the last time she tackled me." I prodded my sides to make my point. Dash has a mean, well, dash and her tackles feel like a heavyweight boxer punching me in the chest. I remember when she was doing tricks and managed to get herself crashed into a pond. When I made the comment, "Ha, kitty got wet." She came out of the pond like a rocket and tackled me into the ground.

Nurse Redheart at the Ponyville Hospital had a field day learning how to reset my ribs. Rephrase, how to reset human ribs. That was fun.

We ended up finishing the reshelving pretty quickly. I was gonna continue telling Twilight and Spike more stories, but then the monster that is our stomachs made their demands known.

* * *

Ah yea, my second dilema.

All they had for food was fruits, vegetables, and colorful flowers.

That last one wasn't so bad, it was just that I get nothing from it.

Thank god for Sweet Apple Acres' apples. Without them, I would go mad. Granny Smith makes a mean pie.

Friggin' love pie.

Gotta say though. This is one way to make me eat alot healthier. Remove all meat and junk food from the world. Still kinda mean.

I'm socially awkward.

A/N

Alright, I've finally got a hand on how my mind fluctuates. It goes in cycles. Hopefully, I can get back on track on Incarnation, Operation Caretaker, and No Small Feat.

If you are hoping for long chapters. You will be disappointed. I'm just writing what I got and hoping they transfer well onto paper. I guess one could say that I'm trying for a 'realistic' feel in this story, but I think I'm getting the 'Surreal' experience.

Hopefully my writing fluxes calm down.

And for all my mistakes, I encourage you to point them out.

Until next time (Bear with me)

DEFIANCE!


	2. Chapter 2

**I can be Social. Probably. Maybe.**

Run.

Run.

Fcuking Run.

"For all that is human! STOP CHASING ME!" I am a little irritated.

I'm sprinting between trees, leaping over bushes, and sliding below branches. My plan? Put as much trees, bushes, leagues, and countries between me and this blasted furry monster combo of a lion, scorpion, and dragon.

A loud guttural roar causes the whole forest to vibrate around me.

Damn

Damn

DAMN

Back then, the only thing I had to my name in physical efforts is that I can throw a mean right hook and that I can run afterwards. Cowardly? Yes it is. Smart? If I punched a guy that was slower. Most of the time they were slower. All of the time, they were the ones that threw the first punch. I'm truly milking my ability to run to its very limits.

How to get exercise? Get a manticore to hunt you down.

Works wonders.

Duck

Dive

Dodge

Dip

And...

Dodge

Trees, glorious trees. Save me from the furry beast that wishes to cleave me.

Juke to the left and the terrible sound of wood splintering greets my ears. Followed by a loud guttural roar.

It was like metal grinding on rock. A sound so dark that my spine trembles. Like angels screaming against an onslaught of sins. A demon's fate.

I'm getting sidetracked.

More wood splintering. Good lord, it's getting closer!

"Would you kindly PLEASE STOP!" Perhaps a little kind suggestion may change things around?

*ROAR!* Nope

Run. Run. Run. Now how would I get myself into this situation?

Simple really. I am simply returning from a visit to Ponyville's resident shaman, Zecora. A fine individual to be friends with, even with her eccentric quirks and personality. She and I seem to get along well and she indulges my questions on her potions and medicinal concoctions.

Anyway, along the way from the shaman's hut, the golden-furred beast that is the manticore dashes from the forest and cuts me off. I am rather scrawny so direct confrontation isn't recommended if I want to live. So I ran.

And here I am.

Still running. *Crash*

Crap, I ran into a tree. A quick spin reveals the golden manticore thrusting out his red scorpion tail stinger. A reactionary drop to my bum saved me from impalement and a subsequent roll to the side kept me out of the beast's sharp claws.

However, I was out of options. Nearly flat on my back with the manticore already in prime position to pounce. Checkmate.

Goodbye cruel world. I knew thee well.

"DON'T YOU DARE HURT HIM!" Apparently, the world had other plans for me.

Out of the void came the yellow-skinned pegasus with the divine pink mane known only as Fluttershy, the goddess of all that is purely saintly. Well, that last part was just my addition.

It appeared that the beast froze under the pegasus' glare and began to retreat his steps.

"Mr. Manticore, you should be ashamed of yourself. Attempting to hurt poor Neddy. You big meanie." Despite her voice being soft, it still held an edge. It was truly a dreadful weapon to be on the business end of. I would know.

With just a whimper, the manticore fled deeper into the Everfree forest. It was best to cut your losses than deal with an angry Fluttershy. My divine savior turns to me.

"Are you alright, Neddy? He didn't hurt you, did he?" Her cyan eyes skim over my form, trying to see if she could spot any injuries. She would find none, unless she could see damaged pride. But I will gladly throw pride out the window for now.

"Eep!" she gasps as I immediately shot at her and wrapped my arms around her. This pegasus is my damn heroine. To add more feeling, I decided that a twirl was needed to express my happiness. "Aaah!" She squeaks.

"You are the most awesome pony of all, Flutters. I have I ever told you that?"

"On a few occasions." She didn't seem to mind the hugs or twirls.

God I adore her.

* * *

I did eventually put the pegasus back down. She wasn't light, despite my conceptions that she was as light as a marshmallow. Maybe Rarity is.

We came back onto the path in the forest and we're walking towards Ponyville.

"You know Ned, you wouldn't be in danger if you would stop going into the Everfree forest." It appears it was time to chide me.

"Well, then I won't be able to see Zecora anymore."

"That might not be a bad thing..." Well, that was mean.

"Zecora isn't a bad pers-pony. Sure, she's a little off, but then again so is Pinkie."

"I'm not saying that she's a bad pony."

"Well, I'll make sure to stay safe, Flutters."

"Staying on the path would be a good start." Whoa, was that a jibe?

"The darn cat came out on the path, Flutters!"

"Perhaps that is a sign for you to stop going into the forest?"

"If I started listening to those signs, I would never leave Twilight's house."

The pegasus giggles and we finally come out of the forest. Fluttershy's tree-house cottage comes into sight. One could say that it is a little similar to Twilight's tree-house A stark difference would be that Flutters' has a fence that surrounds her property, containing a multitude of pens and little homes. Fluttershy is the town's resident veterinarian and also her home seems to draw all kinds of cute creatures. It is literally a hub of cuteness here. The inside of Flutters' home, well it's quite hard to explain, it has that homely feel. Like if one were at their grandmother's home. It was just that relaxing.

Which reminds me, "Hey Flutters? Is there anything here that needs to be patched up? A broken fence or pen?"

"Ah, no. Everything seems to be holding up just fine. Thank you for those repairs."

"Ah, no problem. Well then, I'll be off. Thank you for saving me yet again Flutters."

"It is of no problem. Try not to get yourself hurt" Yep that was another jibe.

We wave(Well I waved) our farewells and parted ways.

It has been roughly a month since I first came to Equestria. Quite a lot has happened since then. There was the funny incident with Twilight and her friends involving some tickets. I swear if Twilight had actually thought about the situation, she would have solved it without all the drama. Still funny.

There was also the meeting of Rainbow's old flight school buddy, Gilda. Unlike Rainbow, Gilda took some interest in me and we both got along pretty well. It was probably because of the fact I was gushing about that fact she was a griffon.

Thank god she didn't know what tsundere meant though.

Let's not forget about Applejack's dilemma during apple-bucking season. I swear the lass wasn't giving me any leeway when I tried to help out. Nearly bucked me across the field when I started without her knowing.

That last one is more my fault, I guess.

* * *

A few minutes walk from Fluttershy's cottage and I'm back in Ponyville. I gotta say, ponies sure do know how to make homes like humans. If one were to approach this place, he would expect to see humans walking about. Probably short humans, seeing how small these ponies are.

I pass by a few ponies who greet me with a nod of their head. They seem to be pretty accepting of such a tall bipedal creature, but then again, Twilight walks around with a dragon. Apparently, judging by the first few weeks I've been here, I'm more bizarre than a dragon.

The fools.

"Ah Delostrinos!" I turn my head to see a tan stallion with a necktie(and no collar?) with a slight brown fauxhawk mane approach me.

"Ah Doc, What's up?" This stallion is named Doctor Whooves, he made himself a nice impression on me by bugging me with questions about what I am. Really hard to ignore a gu- pony like him.

"I would like to make a caricature of your physiology. So please come with me"

"Yea, how about some other time?" Never gonna happen buddy

"Oh, but I must! You see, you are a very rare specimen. We must know all there is about you and your kind!" Damn, don't I get enough of this from Twilight?

"Ah, when you put it that way... HEY! isn't that the pegasus you've been eyeing for sometime?" I pointed towards a muffin bakery. The stallion turned his head so fast that I was concerned that he would break it. Only for a moment though, before I dashed away.

"Ah! Is she really- hold on! You think I would fall for such a tric- Where did you go?!"

Ninja Delostrinos has made another glorious escape. Now if only I could do that with that blasted manticore.

Eventually I made my way to small workshop, it was an average-sized building made primarily out of brick and wood with two smokestacks on top. It bore a banner displaying, "Smokestack Smithy and Workshop". It was also one of my primary sources of work.

Upon entering the shop, I am greeted by the plethora of tools, forge, and workstations. A healthy smell of wood, fire, and metal whisks into my nostrils. That is a great smell. I hear metal upon wood, so Smokestack is probably hammering some tables together. Maybe.

"I'm back! Had a bit of a problem getting out of the forest." I say as I round about the place until I see my fellow smith and boss. Smokestack is a gray stallion with darker gray hooves, he also sports a dark gray mane covered by a white and gray striped hat. Additionally, he has a red handkerchief around his neck. His gray eyes glance over at me before resuming his task of hammering a leg into a table. He holding a hammer in his mouth. It was pretty funny to watch.

"The manticore, I would presume?"

"Yea, I swear it has it out for me."

"Perhaps it wants to be friends?" He smirks as he takes another swing at the leg

"If by friends, you mean chew toy, then yea, he wants to be friends." I quip dryly

"Glad to see you made it back in good shape, I'm gonna need you to start up on those chairs."

"Alright, this is the Bon Bon order right?" She had placed a huge order of chairs for some event.

"Yea, about fifty or so chairs. Think you can get them done by today?" Sounds like a challenge.

"Did she ask for a specific design?"

"No. Free reign Ned." Sweet

"Well then, I'm good to go."

The truly hard part about making furniture around this town is that some peo-ponies like to have some design on their chairs. That usually makes the production go slow, but if they just want chairs, I could make them fast and quite durable. Most of the time for production is spent on cutting out the necessary shapes and parts for the chair. Making the cushion and the backrest the same shape and size cuts down on production time.

Roughly saying, I can make fifty in a day easy.

"I need them by sundown."

Okay, that was a challenge.

"I'll see what I can do, Smokes."

Let's get down to work.

* * *

Now, in the human world, I try to avoid doing extra work. Be it school or actual job work, extra work just cut into my entertainment time. Here in Equestria, I don't have a laptop or a game console, so entertainment time is pointless. Rather than just laze about all day, I decided to take up working in Ponyville. I would try reading all day, but Twilight didn't like me sitting at home, reading all the time. That hypocrite. I think she was just mad that I knew a few things she didn't.

I took up work in Sweet Apple Acres, helping out McIntosh and Applejack bucking and collecting apples. I did learn how to make an apple pie, but I can't quite seem to catch onto how Granny Smith makes them so good.

I work at the smithy just so I can get materials from Smokestack and to get more work hours. I learn little by little something new from the old stallion. Sooner or later, I'll get carpentry down and will be able to patch up the damages that usually come from my other jobs.

Case in point, helping out at the Ponyville Schoolhouse. This is where most of the damage-dealers of Ponyville come from. Not going to give names, but they rhyme with Got a loo, Tweetie Cell, and Snapple Tomb. Yea, lets just say that one incident involving me defending Applejack's little sister from harmless(I guess) bullying about her having no cutie-mark. Needless to say, when the other two fillies learned of this and the fact that I, myself, have no cutie-mark(Thank you Pinkie) they stuck to me like peanut butter and the roofs of mouths.

I do some carpentry on the side, but its just to put to test what I learn from Smokestack.

I'm not doing it for the money(Bits in Equestria). I'm doing it so I don't get bored. I'm so accustomed to just lazing about the day, so I need to break myself out of that habit. The best way?

Have no time to laze about!

Now, I am well aware I'm not attractive. Not to say I'm friggin disgusting, but I don't have women stop to take stock on me.

I'm pretty sure since I've started working for Smokestack, I'm earning a little more to my physique. In other words: I HAVE MUSCLES! WOOOOO!

Yea. I usually earn these muscles by doing what I'm doing now.

Tugging up a cart of about quarter of a hundred chairs up a hill.

Super fun time.

"Gah! Why did she have to have this event... UP HILL!" I say to no one in particular. It was grueling work to lug a cart containing roughly seventy pounds worth of furniture. Especially up hill. Did I mention that it was uphill?

Put one foot~ in front of the other~!

Sweat. At least the sun's past noon so it isn't as blazing as before.

Dig your feet into the dirt and find purchase. It is a struggle. Don't relent.

I swear that pony did this just to mess with me.

"How high is this damn HILL!"

Oh, look we're here.

"Hey! Are those the orders?" a cyan pony trots over to meet me at the top of the hill. I see other ponies setting up tables and decorations.

"Yea, this is about half of the order. I'll be heading back to collect and bring back the rest. I'm sorry, but I don't think you are Bon Bon." She looks familiar, but I've met Bon Bon. In fact, I'm the one that took her order.

"Ah yea, I'm Lyra, Bon Bon's friend. She's busy with a few things." Her smile seems friendly enough.

"Ah, nice to meet you. Name's Ned. Let me just pack out these chairs and I'll be on my way"

She responded with a "Yea, sure." and I unstrapped myself from the cart. I quickly took the chairs off the carrriage and some of the ponies took them over to the tables.

After quickly saying my farewells, I took an apparatus from the carriage and attached it to the front of the cart, between the two handholds. The device had a wheel on the bottom, about the same size as the cart wheels, and had gears along the beam. These gears were hooked to two pedals which I then hooked to the cart's wheels which also have gears. Another apparatus I took from the cart attached itself to the front wheel and made into bicycle handles.

Yup, I made a cart convert into a three-wheeled bike.

Now for the only thing that would make this trip worthwhile. Downhill.

Let's see how it goes.

* * *

"You look like you had alotta fun." Smokestack quips. It's probably because my hair is all blownback.

"Well, come with me on this last trip and you could enjoy it yourself!"

"Sure, why not. Now help me load up." Oh the wonders of a having fingers.

"Sure."

We quickly loaded up the cart(after I disassembled the bike apparatus) and we pulled the heavy cart back to the event site. It was heavier because we had added a table to the load. Stupid Smokestack for making heavy gauge tables.

Both Lyra and Bon Bon greeted us upon arrival and paid Smokestack the bits.

Then( after assembling the bike apparatus) we went downhill on the cart.

It is fun!

"Good Celestia! How did you take that turn without breaking the wheels!" Smokes yells

"The wheels and the axle are the strongest parts of this cart! I made sure they could handle the stress!" I was full of glee at the moment.

"Nice, perhaps I shou- Watch that stand!" I swerve around a flower merchant stand with ease.

"Yea yea, I got this Smokes!" A hard right makes the cart tilt on the left wheel for a few moments. I think I might give the old pony a heart attack.

"By Celestia! This is completely insane!" Yup

"Oh yeah it is!" Someone once said the closer you are to death, the more one feels alive. I totally agree.

We eventually make it to the smithy(all in one piece!) and I had to help the pony out of the cart. His poor legs were trembling. He did, however, sport the biggest scat-eating grin I've ever seen him wear.

"That was bloody brilliant! Probably won't do it again, but, hell, that was a ride!"

"Told you so boss." I detached the cart and bike part, rolled the cart into the smithy, took another wheel with gears off the cart, and closed up the shop. I attached the wheel to the back of the apparatus, making the whole thing look like two-wheeled scooter with pedals.

"Gotta say, how did you make that thing?"

"Took me quite a bit to get the gears and pedals right. I might borrow some more wood to make a better version." Smokestack tends to let me use the shop materials for my own projects. I still gotta work them off though.

"Sure, let me know. Maybe I could be part of this process."

"Can do. I'll see you tomorrow Smokes."

We part ways. I am covered in sweat, but I felt relief on a job well done today.

Time to cool off.

8

It started raining on my way home. At first, I took it in stride, but then it got worst to the point of stormy winds and drenching falls.

I was effectively soaked when I got to Twilight's tree-house.

Right into a unique fight between Rarity and Applejack.

Also, Twilight was having a sleepover. Apparently, the girls(Applejack and Rarity) were caught out in the open when the storm rolled in.

"Slumber 101: All you ever wanted to know about slumber parties but were afraid to ask." Rarity and I read aloud. Huh, I wonder if sexy pillow fights are in this. Oh right.

"Yes! My own personal copy!" Twilight seems all too happy about that, "It's a fantastic reference guide. I've been waiting for a chance to use it! Today's the day! Though slumber parties are primarily for mares, I guess Ned can join us too!"

I would be happy, if it weren't for the fact that instead of cute girls my age, I had ponies. It's times like these that I just can't help, but be extremely sad. My first slumber party too.

"Wooo" Perhaps my gloominess affects my voice too.

"This is going to be the best slumber party EVER!" Twilight is extremely excited. It's kinda contagious.

"Yay" Well, I guess not enough for Rarity and Applejack.

"First off, makeovers." I froze. Twilight brought her face up from her book and as if sensing my thoughts, slowly turned her head my way. I swore I heard a loud creaking noise as she turned.

nononononoonnonnonnnoononono

"Heeey Neddy!" the purple unicorn's voice was so sweet, I might just get diabetes.

"NO! not on your life!" I made to scramble away, but something bit into my sleeve.

"Why you in such a hurry, Pardner?" Damn you Jack!

"Yes, why leave when the fun is just start?" Now even Rarity is getting into it.

Curse you, who ever controls fate!

* * *

"This is so not funny." I quip dryly.

"Why...(snort) of...c-c-course n-not" Jack starts.

"It's hilarious, darling!" Rarity finishes.

The three ponies lose themselves to laughter, and as much as I hate to admit it, it's pretty contagious laughter. I had to bite back a smile.

"Alright! Makeovers. Check." Twilight had dashed to her book to see what was next on her list. She, Rarity, and Applejack had towels wrapped around their heads and that facial mud stuff. They had cucumbers(Rarity still does), but Applejack and Twilight ate theirs. Jack also ate mine while I was fussing.

"Alright! It says here to share ghost stories! Who wants to go first?"

"Me! I'd like to tell y'all the terrifying tale of the prissy ghost who drove everypony crazy with her unnecessary neatness. Oo-oo! I'm sure y'all are familiar with that one?" Well, if I would guess, this was less a ghost story and more an insult.

"Never heard of it, but I have a much better one. It's the horrifying story of the messy, inconsiderate ghost who irritated every pony within a hundred miles! Oo-oo!" Yep, looks like Applejack and Rarity are at odds at each other.

"That's not a real story! You made it up" Uh, Jack. Ghost stories are all made up.

"It is a ghost story, they're all made up." My point exactly.

"I got one! This is called the 'The Legend of the Headless Horse. It was a dark and stormy night, just like this one. And three ponies and a human were having a slumber party, just like this one..." I love how smooth she placed human into the story.

* * *

"...and just when the last pony thought she was safe, there, standing right behind her, inches away was -(pause for effect)- the Headless Horse!"

"AAAAAAHHHHH!" Both Applejack and Rarity screamed and clung to my sides, quite painfully. I added onto the pain by laughing.

"Ghost story, check!"

"Wait, I don't get a turn?" I was actually hoping to give it a shot.

"Nope! Who wants s'mores?" Why you cheeky little... oooooh s'mores.

Rarity went through the steps on making perfect s'mores for Twilight, but Jack and I just lit up the marshmallows and smashed them against some chocolate and crackers. S'mores are suppose to be messy anyway.

*Belch* "Mmm-mm! That was good." Jack is like a girl after my own heart.

"You could at least say excuse me.." True to your prim and proper character, aren't ya Rarity.

I burped shortly after, but under a glare from Rarity I made my excuses.

"Aw, I was just about to, but you and Ned interrupted me... Pardon" Interrupted my arse.

Twilight once again zoomed to her book.

"S'mores, check and delicious. Now our next activity is Truth or Dare."

This led to Rarity and Applejack butting heads once again.

"You think we'll get a turn?" I ask

"I'm not quite sure..." Was Twilight's response.

"Well then, I dare you to loudly declare an insult to Princess Celestia" She gasped. It was like one of those long exaggerated gasps.

"I...I-I can't."

"You have to, it's the rule." I managed to snatch her book and show her the page.

"errrr...(gulp)...uh..Princess Celestia...has a large flank!" That...Tha-...That-

"Pbbttttt-hahahahhahhahHAhhahahah" I couldn't hold it anymore. I fell over, busting my gut. That was the first thing she could come up with? I would so egg on her about that, but I'm too into laughing to do so. She was blushing too.

"Stop laughing Ned. Stop! It's not that funny!" She was now tomato-faced and was contemplating hitting me. I'm quite sure of it.

"O-f-f-of c-course n-not! It's bloody brilliant!" I'm too into losing my shit. I'm literally rolling on the floor, laughing my arse off.

"Fine! I dare you... I dare you to- STOP LAUGHING!" Oh wrong move there Twilight.

"S-su-sure...(snorts) Ah...Oh my god. That was (Ah) hilarious!"

"No it wasn't, anyway my turn-"

"Nope, you used your's daring me to stop laughing."

"But..b-but That's not fair! I didn't mean to!" There she goes, all red faced.

"So sad, too bad. I choose truth. Why was the first thing that came to your mind Princess Celestia's flank?" I might start losing my scat again.

The unicorn started to blush again, stuttering all over.

"Well...well...It's just...it's just that they're so big and p-prominent...They just draw too much attention!" She was looking away from me when she said that. Slowly, but surely enough, she made eye contact.

"What? (I burst) Hey! Stop it! STOP LAUGHING AT ME!" This time, she did hit me.

Apparently, I just now realize that Rarity was drenched and Jack was in a really frilly dress. That needs some context.

"Stop laughing! Next on our list! PILLOW FIGHT!" She cried out that last part because she was already in mid-descent with the feathery weapon of softness and smashed down on me.

Good lord. Why did that hurt?

* * *

Twilight's slumber party was actually quite entertaining It had a few surprises though. Like a tree busting into Twilight's window and knocking me unconscious. When I came to, apparently Rarity and Applejack had settled whatever the hell was their problem and fixed up Twilight's window.

The rest of the slumber party went off without a hitch. Applejack and Rarity absolutely suck at Twenty Questions.

"Well, Twilight's First Slumber Party is officially a Success!" Applejack, Rarity, and myself cheered.

"Now that all the fun and games are done, I'm actually pretty tired." Applejack yawned

"Now that you mentioned it, I'm a little drowsy myself." So did Rarity

"Yea, we've been up most of the night!" Twilight as well

"I say now is a great time to hit the sack" Ned did also... I mean, I did also.

Applejack perked up. "Pony Pile!" and without further warning tackled both Rarity and Twilight into a pile of cushions. They started laughing and giggling as I made my way towards my room.

"Where do you think you're going mister!" I turn to see Rarity giving me the look again, but not just her. Applejack and Twilight also contributed.

"Well..." I didn't really have an excuse.

"Pony Pile means you too" Twilight explained

"I'm not a pony."

"Details, Schmetails. Get in the pile." Applejack waved off my defense

Oh well, what the hay.

"Body Slam!" I yell as I leap at them

"Oof!" "That's barbaric" "Not exactly what I was expecting, NED!"

"That's why you start the pile with the bigger person first."

I'm socially awkward

**A/N**

Wow, that was a lot.

I plan to follow the main episodic story, but I'll have my own additions or twists. Again, these are going to be written and posted as they are. So high chances of mistakes. If they bother you, let me know and I'll go combing through it. I don't have microsoft word. Using primarily wordpad.

I probably won't attempt to write this much in a chapter.

Oh well. Time to make Ned into the person I want him to be.

Until I post once more.

Hopefully I get back into my other stories.


	3. Chapter 3

I can be Social. Probably. Maybe.

* * *

My left arm is locked. My right arm is tense. My breaths labor. My body is ready.

The string is taut.

The goal is done.

The string is released.

The arrow that was notched, speeds through the air, splitting the cold frost space, before finally breaching bark.

I relieve my lungs and allow a long breath loose from my lips, creating white transparent wisps before me. It was a nice day and I made a good shot, once again. The arrow proudly stands erect, dead center of the wooden target. Maybe not dead center, but pretty close to it.

A sole object of brown amongst a field of white.

God I love winter.

I would have been freezing if I've been wearing the clothes I had on me since I came to this land. A long-sleeve shirt over a t-shirt and jeans aren't the best combo for winter. I caved into Rarity's offer and had her make me a few additions(rephrase, a lot) to my wardrobe.

I'm currently sporting a purple(Rarity said I MUST wear purple some time) linen tunic that fits me quite well. A thick, white cotton shirt beneath to keep me all warm and toasty. I also sport white linen slacks that reach down to my ankles. I still wear my sneakers, but I may get Rarity to try her han-hoof at shoes.

She told me that she would be making some coats for me, but was indecisive on what style she wanted them to be. I had told her to make something like a parka or hoodie, but she ignored me. When I pressed the issue, she set her cat, Opalescence, at me.

Didn't do much, since her cat absolutely adores me. Now if only Angel could do the same.

I trudge through the snow, the soft crunch drifting into my ears, and approach the round wooden target. Closer inspection reveals many other perforations, most on the outer rings that slowly transition towards the center. I pluck the arrow from the center, taking extra care not to break the arrowhead. It's funny how many arrows I lost thanks to moronic retrieval.

"Whatchu doing out here, pardner?" Damn, that scared me.

"Just practicing some archery, Jack." I put the arrow in my off hand so it will be holding both the bow and arrow. I turn to see Applejack trotting towards me, a chorus of crunched snow following.

"Arch a whatna?" I swear she does that just to get a rise out of me.

"Archery. The practice of bow and arrow." I lift my left hand to emphasize the bow and arrow.

"Ah-okay. Why are you doing that, if you don't mind me askin~?"

"Because I like to. It is something that pleases me."

That was an understatement.

Archery. That practice didn't quite draw me in when I was younger. As I grew, I heard stories of heroes and legends that utilize the bow. It created the sliver of awe and aspiration. The more stories I delve into, the more the concept of archery grew on me.

I love swords, yes that is true.

I just think the concept and morals of archery is cooler.

When I learned about kyudo, that is when archery became...ARCHERY. It became something different, I can't quite think of a word for it. The closest thing would be imprinting. I didn't know it back then, but that was when I started my philosophical side.

So yea, Archery is something that really sticks with me.

"Now that's just dodgin' the question. Why do you like playing around with that doohickey?" Doohickey? Really, Jack?

"Alright, you caught me. I'm practicing so that next time that blasted manticore shows up, I got a present for his eyes!" Jack gasped, turns out I may have made a scary face when I said that.

"You know Flutteyshy is going to be mad at you."

"...That's very true." Perhaps my vengeance is petty...

"NO! That blasted beast keeps stalking me every time I go into the Everfree Forest!" I wave my hands erratically. "Even when Flutters catches him doing so, he goes right back to doing it! I'm just bringing up a more permanent solution to this!" I can bear Flutter's scolding for this, it would probably be the only time I would need to. I'd be bending over backwards to stay on her good side afterwards.

"...He's bothering you that much, isn't he?" You have no idea Jack.

"You should try being soft and squishy and being attacked by furry monster with claws." I retort dryly.

"No thank you partner, Ah am just fine as Ah am."

"Shame, I would like to see my troubles from a third party"

* * *

"So, getting accustomed to Equestria?" asks Applejack

"Yea, things are getting better. I still can't believe pegasi control the weather. I should've known Dash would keep a cloud over me every moment she gets." Damn blue pegasus.

"I still don't get why the two of you keep hasslin' each other?"

"I just never got along with her, I guess. She seems to be always on my arse on something."

"You have a donkey?" Oh right forgot.

"No, arse is another name for human butt or flank if you will."

"Ah. That explains why Twilight doesn't like you saying that."

"Well, I believe it is because I told her that is how we curse in my world." Worse decision ever. She keeps smacking me every time I curse. However, I do understand the concept of keeping bad words away from Spike and fillies.

"Now I'm concerned. Why would you tell Twilight that? You could've saved yourself a few smacks to the noggin"

"Well, sometimes I think I'm too helpful when one asks." I would think I am.

"Thats fer'sure."

The two of us continue walking the snowy forest path to Ponyville. Along the way we meet up with Twilight who is carrying a dress of red with orange shoulders. Upon inquiries, it is revealed that she is taking it to Rarity to get it fixed up. The three of us make our way to Carousel Boutique.

"Why are you getting it fixed again?" I ask

"I want to wear it to the Grand Galloping Gala," Twilight says excitedly, "It's also the only dress I have, which I got from Rarity."

"I remember that, it was the first day you came to Ponyville. You were quite the finicky pony then." Applejack states.

"Grand Galloping Gala, huh? By the way-" I start.

"Oh that reminds me, we should probably get Rarity to make you a dress." Interrupts Twilight

"Suit, Twi. Suit, men wear suits. Tuxedos work best, but everyone loves suits." I hastily retort.

"Alright, alright. Don't need to be such a sourpuss about it." You were about to put me in a dress Twilight, I have the right to overreact. We eventually came upon Rarity's home and shop.

There we find our resident tailor deep in thought.

Doing something fairly obvious to all, but Twilight and Applejack.

"Can't you see Rarity is trying to concentrate?" Twilight chides Applejack silently. Or she believes so.

"Now that you mention it, it's kinda obvious Twilight." You're not quiet either Jack.

"Shhhh..." Still kinda loud Twi.

"What do you think she's makin'?" Use your eyes Jack.

"Looks like a dress." No duh. Looks like Rarity's getting irritated.

"Well, that makes sense. Since this is a dressmaker's shop n'all." Rarity's already stopped sewing, Jack.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Yup, Rarity's agitated.

"So sorry to bother you Rarity, but I need a quick favor. Could you please fix this button for me? Also, is there a chance you can make a suit for Ned?"

"For the Grand Galloping Gala? I was already going to make him a fabulous tux," Rarity prances around me, fluttering her mane about. "However," she pauses mid-prance to levitate Twilight's dress. "I refuse to allow you to wear this old thing." She throws it across the room. And manages to nail Opalescence.

Good bye Twilight's dress.

"You need a glamorous new outfit for the Gala and I'll make it for you!" There was this look in her eyes that screamed, "Brilliance!"

"Oh that's really sweet of you to offer," Really Twilight? Don't you see that blazing smile on her face? Refusing is going to hurt rather than please her. Rarity insisted and made no allowance for Twilight to argue. She did the same to Applejack when the earth pony was put on the spot. It felt like the scenario was coming to an end, so I made to leave.

I managed two steps before... well...

*CRASH*

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" It must be a karma thing, I'm sure of it.

The flying blunder that is the blue pegasus of rainbow trails crashed through one of Rarity's windows, snow-covered and all, and slammed into me. We bounced off the ground and smashed into the wall. To top off this delightful event, we slid down the wall, in classic slow fashion.

I swear, I'm part of someone's weekend cartoon.

"Ugh, sorry. New trick. Didn't work." the blue pegasus sheepishly delivers.

"I'll say, unless the trick involves breaking windows and crashing, in-which case, Nice!" I can be snippy too.

"Why thank you. I've been working on the angle to try an- You're being sarcastic, aren't you?" Rainbow deadpans at the last bit when she caught on. Funny.

Perhaps I should lay off for a bit.

"Idea! I'll make you an outfit for the Gala. While on that thought, I'll add Pinkie Pie and Flutteryshy too!" Rarity began to gather paper and pens with her magic. Both Rainbow and I were slapped in the face by a few pages. "I'll even make a fashion show of it!"

"What a great idea Rarity! If you're sure you can handle it." Twilight encourages.

"Then it's settled. We'll have a fashion show starring us." Rarity levitated a few pony mannequins. I had to duck to avoid another collision to the head. I swear, nobody here keeps in mind how tall I am.

"So all you have to do is make different, stunning, original, amazing outfit for each of us? And lickety split?" Applejack does bring up a valid point.

"Oh Applejack. You make it sound as if it's going to be hard." Rarity seems to brush off Applejack's concerns.

Only time will tell I suppose.

Oh looky, she's breaking into song.

* * *

"You finished mine pretty fast, Rarity. Any reason why?" I was curious.

"Well, I was already in progress with yours when I started with my dress. Besides, you've been telling me stories of your people, and I noticed a particular type you like to soliloquize about." She walks me towards her showroom, "And I decided that perhaps you have a preference of fashion that relates to that. You already like the clothes I made that resemble, what was it... oh medieval fashion."

"Yea, you got it right there." I have to say, she did a great job on the tunics and slacks. We stop before her stage with her red curtains still down.

"Well, allow me to present you my next beauty." She levitates the curtains to reveal...

"Holy shite!"

Is that a gakuran? How the hell did she make something like this?

"How did you make it?" I was pacing around it, it truly looked authentic.

Black high-collar long-sleeved blazer with golden dollar buttons. Dark blue slacks that looked well-folded and ironed. On another mannequin, a white dress shirt with a violet unicorn embroidery on the left side over the heart.

I might be gushing right now.

"Well, it took some examinations and breaking down what you told me. You did go into elegant details about these 'Japanese' people you seem so fond of." Well, I guess I do gush on subjects I have preference to. "There wasn't much customization I could go into, but I managed a few signatures. The embroidery on the shirt was my own touch to the ensemble, to let people know Rarity did this. There are patches on both shoulders, here I took the liberty of leaving it dark and empty. This is so that when YOU get a cutie mark, you can attach a copy design to this blazer. So, your thoughts?" She stares at me. It should be obvious though.

"I absolutely love it Rarity. I'm quite surprised you managed this. The embroidery fits just swell. I'm slightly concerned that you believe I can get a cutie-mark(I don't want one), but I can probably make my own badges for the shoulders. This is phenomenal work." She beams with my praise.

"You should put it on, darling. I must see how it fits on you." I'm already dying to try it on.

"Alright, alright. Hold your hors- err cat." I took both mannequins and dragged them over to a curtain.

"What are you doing, darling? I want to see you put on the suit!" Huh?

"I'm going go change."

"Then change!"

I resume walking, "I'm about to."

"No you're walking away!" She now began to follow me.

"Hey! I need to change. In private!" Geez, don't you have common sense. It's not like I watch you change.

Oh.

I just realized. I see naked ponies everyday. Ponies don't usually wear clothes. Only on special occasions. It's not like there's no nudity taboo. It's just that there is nothing wrong with nudity.

I'm the strange one. I'm the one with nudity taboos.

Crap.

"Err... Rarity, just give me a second. I'll be right back to show you how the suit fits." I dash behind the curtains with suit in hands.

"Argh! Stop being so difficult!" She joins me.

"HEY! I said In Private!"

"Stop being so fussy!"

"Oi! You're not suppose to help!"

"You look like you're having trouble!"

"It's because you're in here!"

"How is that suppose to be a problem!"

"J-just get out!"

"Aahh!" A swift punt(soft punt) launches the marshmallow unicorn out of my impromptu curtain dressing room.

Say what you will about my reaction. I'm just not comfortable with someone watching. It's down right weird.

"The nerve!" I hear Rarity huff. I'm sorry Rarity, but I'm just not comfortable with being seen in the nude. I'll make it up to you soon enough.

* * *

"So..." I was curious and embarrassed.

"Hmm..." Really, Rarity? Say something! You've made me stand here for about twenty minutes already.

"Well?"

"I may have overestimated your size. It's a little loose in some areas..." She continues to circle me with her scrutinizing eyes. "Despite some gaps and over estimations You look absolutely dashing. You may not fill it out, but that barely does anything to dissuade the fact you are quite handsome."

"Really?" I'm...speechless. Handsome? Not the first I've heard it directed at me, but it is a rare occurrence.

"Yes Darling! You would be quite the spectacle at the Gala. Refined, Dark, Mysterious, New, each a part of what you would present to the Canterlot elite." Rarity levitates a couple of pins and a pincushion. "Now hold still. I must fix this up so it will match your form better." Oh, this could be worrying.

"Shouldn't I take this off?"

"I'm afraid no, I need you so I can tighten up where the suit is loose."

Well, I guess I should just accept it and brace for some pricks. Gakurans normally aren't formal clothes, but I guess since it is something new to Equestria, it would work. Ow.

* * *

"Breaking into song again, Rarity?" I ask the exasperated unicorn. She looks like a mess. Her mane is frizzy and pale. Her eyes are half-lidded and bears redness. "Before you answer that, are you alright?"

It is a few days after Rarity showed me my suit. I worked for Smokestack and Cheerilee during the free time. I was informed by Spike that Rarity hasn't been doing well. Could explain why I haven't seen her in a while. Twilight kept bringing her astrology books over to the Carousel Boutique and the few times I've seen Applejack and Fluttershy, they had boots and fabrics respectively. I had gotten the feeling that something was off.

So today, I came to Rarity's to see if she is alright.

I would bet my fingers that she wasn't.

"Ah, Why yes I am! Why do you ask?" Your eye is twitching marshmallow.

"Well, you look a little overworked. Anything I can do to ease the workload?" I don't know anything about dressmaking, but I had a lesson on sewing once.

"I'm quite alright dear. I thank you for the offer."

"Err... Rarity," She turns to me once again, "Yes, Ned?"

"You just sewed that cloth to Opal." It seems that both Rarity and Opal had just realized what I said was true. In classic Murphy's law, Opal screeched and thrashed about, causing Rarity's threader to hop up and crash into Rarity's snout. She fell over, but along the way down, she got caught on some fabric rolls. This caused an avalanche of rolls, pins, and twine to descend upon the unicorn.

I would have laughed...

Had I not decided to worry for my friend's safety.

"Ow" I say simply. I think there is a few needles in my neck. I push that thought back and raise Rarity to her hooves.

"Thank you, darling." Her horn glows and I feel the steel pins leave my neck. I immediately brush my hand at the back of my neck before scratching it. No real harm done.

"I think I'll take you up on that offer..." Rarity continues.

"Sure, what would you have of me?"

* * *

"Rarity..."

"Yes Ned?" Rarity's voice was strained. I already know why.

"I know that everyone likes their dress and all..." However, I still need to hear it. And to confirm it for both of us.

"What is it Ned?"

"These dresses... they're... kinda..."

"Oh just spit it out!"

"Ugly. Ugly as all hell." That was putting it mildly. I may not have Rarity's fashion vision, but I sure as hell know when a bad dress comes up.

"I know..." She sounded defeated. "And I'm about to present them to Hoity Toity."

"umm...Man... This would be a great time to prepare a drink." I have a feeling that Rarity is going to need one. Perhaps I should start looking into grapes or perhaps apples? Trial and error is how people learn new booze, I'm just gonna relearn one.

"This is going to be horrible..." Yea it's going to be horrible alright.

"Since the beginning of time, the elite of Equestria have longed for pony fashion truly expressed the essence of their very souls." I'll give Spike credit. He knows how to prepare peo-ponies for something epic. Sad. Should have gotten someone else for this one. "Patiently waiting decades...no, centuries! ...for the perfect pony gown. Today, at long last, Equestria, your wait is over! Let's hear it for the breathtaking designs of Ponyville's own Rarity!"

Damn. He is REALLY good. I want him at my funeral. Just with a deeper voice. And constantly spewing fire. Might as well make it a cremation.

Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Twilight step down the catwalk(which was built by Smokestack and myself). There was a collective gasp and even the DJ let the record scratch(Classic!). When the ponies finally reached the end of the cat walk, which was a spinning platform(Spike's idea. Really hard to accomplish), there was a long bit of silence.

Then that pompous bastard from Canterlot decided to bash on Rarity's work.

Yes, we know it's bad! We have eyes good sir! Stop making it more worse than it has to be.

"Oh! Hide me." Rarity... is attempting to hide under Opal.

"Come on out and take a bow, Rarity. You wor- guh!" I swiped Spike off the catwalk before he made a terrible situation even more awkward.

"Well, this could have gone better." To no one in particular. Spike muffled something in my hand.

"Yea, yea. Maybe next time, catch on to the mood, Dragonborn. Might preve- Ewww stop slobbering against my hand!"

* * *

"Wawity." I state her name. I was currently pinching my nose.

"I'm never coming out!" is my response.

"Are you okay in there?" Pinkie Pie says from right beside me. Twilight, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and myself are just outside Rarity's room. Her door was closed. It was open earlier when she believed it was just me coming in, but the moment she saw the rest of us, she slammed the door. Into my nose. It hurt.

"I can't show my face in Ponyville ever again! I used to be somepony! Now I'm the laughing stock of the town! I used to be RESPECTED!" Her wailing pierced the heavens that is the door and into our ears. Geez.

"You're not a laughing stock, Rarity..." Twilight tries her hoof at calming the fashionista.

"She kinda is." Thank you Rainbow. I swipe at her without looking. "Hey!" Direct hit.

"Shh! Come on out and talk to us." Twilight glares at both Rainbow and myself.

"Leave me alone! I vant to be alone! I vant to vallow in... vhatever it is that ponies are supposed to vallow in!" Really? Going Dracula talk on us now? "Do ponies wallow in pity? Oh, listen to me, I don't even know what I'm suppose to wallow in!" That's pretty sad and funny at the same time.

"Now what do we do?" Twilight turns to the rest of us.

"Uh...panic?" offers Fluttershy.

"That's your answer for everything!" rages Rainbow.

"I'm inclined to agree with Rainbow on this Flutters, but then again..." I start. Rainbow glares at me now.

"Well, we can't just leave Rarity like this." Applejack does have a point.

"She'll become a crazy cat lady!" Pinkie shouts.

"She only has one cat." Twilight expresses.

"Give her time." Surprisingly, I finished for Pinkie. This threw Twilight for a loop, before she shook her head and turned back to the door.

Curious.

I join her as the rest of the girls...err mares left.

"What do you see?" I ask.

"A way to make it up to Rarity." Twilight smiles, before motioning me to look as well. I pop back up with a matching smile.

* * *

And so the day was saved. With Rainbow stealing away Opal to get Rarity to come out of her room so that Twilight and the rest of us could show her that we had(correction, Fluttershy.) completed Rarity's dress to her specifications.

The unicorn was overjoyed and became even more so when all the ponies apologized. Rainbow expected me to apologize along with them, but I told her that I accepted Rarity's gift and even helped her out when she was stressing about THEIR dresses.

Of course Twilight had me downplay the ribbing.

I believed we were done for the day, only for Twilight to bring up the fact that she did convince that elitist to have a second go at Rarity's designs.

Needless to say, the second fashion show was beyond brilliant(with Spike once again making a fantastic announcer) and Hoity Toity was overwhelmed.

It was a good day.

* * *

"So you told Celestia, 'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth'?" I ask.

"Yes, why?" Ah right, She wouldn't know how odd it is to hear a human idiom from a pony.

Wait.

"How do you know the saying, anyway?" I was curious.

I was currently sitting on a cushion in the main room of Twilight's tree-house. I was sitting cross-legged and had one of many tomes in my hand. This one was titled, "A Complete History of Equestria". I also had Spike lying down in my lap, snuggling well into my stomach. Twilight was on my right, resting under my arm as I scratch at her scalp(Do ponies have scalps?).

"It's something I picked up at Canterlot school. Why? Is it a human saying as well?" Nice instincts.

"Yea, it basically has the same meaning. I would assume it would have a more literal meaning here, but I guess not." I turn a page and continue to read through the lines. Spike shifts a bit and I close the book(with a finger to save my place) and scratched the baby dragons head with a corner.

"It does have a literal meaning here. So..." She trails off.

"What?"

"I was wondering if you have anymore stories from your world?" Oh, if thats the case.

"I have quite the repertoire. Give me a second to think of which one to tell."

I'm not one to remember perfectly, but I do have a good idea how each one goes. Let's start with a legend. An epic.

"Well, get yourself settled. Spike, you okay there? Need anything to snack on before I start?"

"I'm alright. I just had a few apples earlier."

"Was this from my stash?"

"...N-n-no..." Dammit

"Forget it. Get comfy."

There was a bit of a pause as both Twilight and Spike got settled. Mostly Twilight, as she had to get another pillow and a blanket that covered the three of us.

"Okay, where to start. I know. (Cough).

_Long ago, in a land known to most as Greece, there is a strong and respectful kingdom called Sparta. This kingdom is legendary across all of Greece as a gathering of great warriors. It was their primary profession. It is on this day of days, Sparta has welcomed a group of envoys. Not just any envoys, for these individuals were the royal children of their long-time enemies and rivals, Troy. Like Sparta, Troy was legendary. Not for their warriors, but for their city. The city of Troy, was known back then as the impregnable fortress._

_Of that day of days, a peace treaty was declared and accepted. Bitter rivals became friends and allies. It would be the start of a great alliance, one that could last through the ages._

_Had it not been for a prince of Troy and the queen of Sparta._"

I am socially awkward

* * *

**A/N**

Well, another lengthy chapter of shenanigans. I was hoping to add a little(scratch that a lot) more. However, I realized that certain scenes I had in my head would be downplayed largely. SO I decided to cut this chapter short.

Archery. Gotta love it. Can't wait to mold my hero into, well, the hero he is meant to be.

Anyway, please review and keep an eye out for mistakes.

I may or may not allow relations to build.

Without further ado,

SPARTA!


	4. Chapter 4

**I can be social. Probably. Maybe.**

* * *

It was a peaceful winter night. Twilight had Spike and I write up a letter to Celestia last night. She wanted a lot put on the letter, so much that it took us three scrolls. Not the usual scrolls either, but the really long ones.

"...and I believe we are done!" I cheered.

"Finally! Sweet sleep! GLORIOUS SLEEP!" Spike might be taking after me abit.

"I'll set this aside here and you and I shall give glorious love to our beds."

"Aye, Aye."

My room was under renovation thanks to a recent incident involving my ever adorable followers, the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Twilight set up some room up on the loft with her and Spike. After that night I told the story of the Odyssey(No where even close to finishing), Spike has been taking advantage of the fact that I apparently make a good pillow. There was an enlarged version of Spike's old bed, this was for the both of us. I dropped down into the cushion and propped up one of the super large pillows against the wall. Spike then plopped down into my lap and made the best cat impression I've ever seen. He was out like a light in seconds.

It took mere moments for me to follow shortly.

*Gasp*"Ned, Spike, Wake up! Wake up!"

Or so I thought.

"It's Winter Wrap Up day!" Twilight continues to call to us.

"Huh? Mommy?" Spike was roused a bit.

"Go back to sleep, Spike." The dragon seemed inclined to agree with me.

"Winter Wrap Up!"

"Don't worry Spike. It's just a banshee. Let her holler to herself" I was tired too.

"Come on you guys! The first day of spring is tomorrow!" Twilight's voice now hit a new high note. "Everypony in Ponyville needs to clean up winter. Now help me get ready"

"Everypony? Well then, that excludes Me and Spike." Spike nods his agreement. I didn't see it, but I felt his head move against my stomach.

"Come on. And Ned, its Spike and I." Ah you grammar Nazi.

"Sure, you and Spike can go ahead." I retort. Spike groans.

"Clean up winter? Who cleans up winter? Don't they use magic to change the weather like in Canterlot?" Well, thats something I didn't know.

"No Spike, Ponyville was started by Earth ponies, so hundreds of years, they've never used magic to clean up winter. It's traditional." Twilight sighs as she trots off.

"No magic? That's ridiculous" Spike comments

"Well, for what it's worth. This is the first time I heard it both ways." I add my two cents.

"Okay, let's see: scarf, check; saddle, check; boots, check; Spike and Ned refusing to get up, check; Spike going back to sleep, check; Ned getting up to learn something new," She pauses to look at me. Now I have my eyes open.

"You expect me to get up just to learn something? After you made Spike and I work on that theory of yours all night?" The look on Twilight's face said it all. "Make it worth my while"

"I'll get Applejack to make you that apple cinnamon pie"

"Guh. Hey! Whats the big idea? Jumping out of bed!" Sorry Spike. Twilight just said the magic words.

"I'm up, I'm up. Let me get covered and We'll go learn something." Perhaps I'm a little to easy to control.

"Ned getting up to learn something new, check; Ned getting Spike to get up, check. It's a good thing I'm so organized, I'm ready. Bright and early." I had already donned my shirt, pants, shoes, and hoodie(Thank you Rarity). I also grabbed Spike and his blanket. I walked with Twilight out of the library.

"Oh...Perhaps a little too early?"

"Nevermind Spike. We're going back to bed. Catch what sleep you can. I feel like prissy here will wake us in an hour." Once again, Spike agreed. Twilight made a face.

Still a good night.

* * *

"I gotta say, Rarity really outdone herself making all of these vests" I glance about seeing various ponies wearing blue, green, or tan vests. We were all gathered at town hall, Twilight and myself were just walking in. Spike was riding on Twilight, he is still bundled in his blanket.

"She truly did. I wonder which vest I'm going to be wearing?" Twilight asks

"I'm already wearing my vest of softy sleepiness. It's too early." Spike still grumbles.

"Well, I ha-" I started, but..."Thank you everypony, for being here bright and early. We need every single pony's help to clean up winter, and bring in spring" Mayor Mare broadcasts over the crowd from her podium. The ponies cheer, the mood was overwhelming here. "Now, all of you have your vests, and have been assigned to your teams. So let's do even better than last year, and have the quickest Winter Wrap Up ever!"

Once again a wave of applause greets her ears.

"Oh, this is exciting! I wonder which team I should go for?" Twilight then beams at me. "What team do you want to try out for?"

I scratch my head nervously. "Well, Twi. I already promised Applejack I'd help her with the plows." Twilight's face fell when I brought out my green vest(Gotta say Rarity is extraordinary at this), but perked right back up. "You think I can go with you?"

"Perhaps, you should check out what everyone does first, before making your choice."

Hey, looks like they're breaking into song.

* * *

"Winter Wrap Up, Winter Wrap Up. Let's finish our holiday cheer~"

"Ned, the song ended like twenty minutes ago~ You can stop now" Spike seemed a little put off seeing me sing. Who could blame him.

"What, it's catchy." Twilight nods in agreement as she took in the fact that, yes, I did join in on the festivities half-way through. It was pretty scary.

"So, Twilight. Have you decided which team to go for?" I look at the purple unicorn.

"Well, not exactly. I'm going to check and see if Rainbow Dash could use some help." She says as she catches sight of Dash and her team.

"Hold it! You're forgetting something very important." Twilight stops and gives me a look. I point my finger back at her. She looks puzzled. I point my finger again. Now she realizes what was the problem.

"I guess I can't actually help with no wings, huh?" Right you are Twilight.

"Go see Rarity. I'm sure she'll get you something. She's tan team. I'm off to the fields." I turn on my heels and wave over my shoulder.

It took several moments before I made it to the fields. There were plenty of plows scattered across the fields clearing the snow. I spotted Applejack and walked towards her.

"Ello, Jack."

"Ned! Just the human I was looking for."

"The only human you could be looking for, Jack."

We both laugh and then got down to business. Jack showed me the plow she had for me and went over the plan. There was no plan. Just told me to clear the fields of snow.

This is going to be fun.

"Hey Smokestack! You look like you're about to give up!" Well, it should with Smokestack here.

"Oh shut it. I'm doing just fine. You're the stamina freak here."

It was an odd thing to hear. I may have had pride in my ability to run before, but I never had the stamina to run long. The manticore chases have been the longest of my life. I would be lying if I said I didn't take notice of some change since I've gotten here. The lack of meat and junk food was hard to deal with, but I've become accustomed to it. Mostly.

What I'm trying to get to is that I'm slimming down. To a point, that I might actually guess that I'm fit.

I'm quite proud of that.

"You're the pony my friend. You have four legs, I got two. You should be out doing me here."

The grey stallion flushed in anger before pushing on ahead. Would have been effective had I not caught up to him in a second. Only got him to flush even more.

The plow wasn't made for humans in mind(Duh) and it was showing. It was incredibly awkward to push, but I've managed worst in the past. Smokestack and McIntosh had to show me how to work with it and from there it only got easier. I was easily out doing my workshop boss and a few other stallions, but McIntosh is on a whole other level.

I would say that in the past four or five hours, we cleared out two fields. We were on good time.

"Hey Ned!"

"Yea, Smokes?"

"McIntosh, Caramel, Harvest, Berry, and I were going to get some pie from the farm, wanna come with?" It's pie, Smokestack. What do you think I'm going to answer?

"F- Yes!"

* * *

"I friggin' love pie."

"I believe we noticed." Caramel pointed out.

"Eyup" Stay classy McIntosh.

"Hard to notice, mate." Smokestack adds as he takes another bite of his pie.

The lot of us were sitting on a red picnic table a little off from the field we are currently working on. Applejack joined us shortly after we got our pies. She chided us for slacking, but with McIntosh siding with us, she relented and said we could have our break.

We eventually got back to work, Applejack constantly glancing at the sun and the field got on our nerves.

It was going to be a typical work day.

"Hey Ned, isn't that Twilight over there?" Smokes pushed his plow over to my own and gestured his head towards something. I turn to check it out.

"Why, yes, it is. I wonder if she is taking up being part of the plant team."

"That would probably make planting go faster. Wait, she's getting on a plower" Why is she doing that? Heck, Applejack can barely push it.

"I got a bad feeling about this."

"What makes you say that Ned?"

"Call it a gut feeling, let's just get back to work." Hopefully, I'm wrong.

The two of us continue our workload for short while, I could hear Twilight struggling with the plow. I was going to stop and help her out, but then I could no longer hear her struggling.

"Well, what do you know. She got the big thing moving!" I hear Smokestack call out. He was right. I saw Twilight pushing the plow with great vigor. And a tad too much speed. That wa odd.

"She's pushing it pretty fast." Way too fast.

Not even McIntosh could push it that fast. How is she doing so, it's like ma- oh.

"Twilight..."I muttered under my breath. She was zooming past the other plowers.

Then she switched direction...

"Oh no. Incoming!" I hear Smoke and Caramel shout out. They weren't looking and somehow go their plows to crash into my own.

"Ah crap." I said before the frightened sound of all three of us got drowned out by a third collision from Twilight.

"WHOA!" "This is bad" "Wheeee!"

Needless to say, we had our reactions in the air. We landed in a pile in the snow. Our plows were all busted up and I had difficulty getting my bearing back.

I shook my head and heard a low rumbling. I turned my head. Color drained from my face.

"AVALANCHE!"

* * *

"Is everyone alright?" I ask. A few heads pop out of the snow.

"I'm all here." Smokestack

"Eyup" McIntosh

"Okay over here" Berry Punch

"Yea!" Caramel

"...P-present" Twilight

"Well, then. I'm glad no one's hurt." I say as loud snow crunching is heard.

"Nuts, Twilight! You Used Magic!" I hear Applejack shout. Twilight was already looking apologetic and Jack wasn't making things better.

"The nerve. Can you believe her?" I glared at Spike. He caught my look and could only scratch at his head embarrassed.

"...Jack. Don't you thi-" I started.

"That's not how we do it 'round here, Twilight, and especially not on MAH farm!" Jack interrupted me.

"Well, see," Twilight was on the verge of tears. "I just wanted to..." She dashed away breaking into tears.

"Dammit Jack. She was just trying to help!" I snapped at Applejack as I made to chase after Twilight. I motioned Spike to hold still and that I was disappointed in him.

* * *

It took me a short bit to find Twilight. I first tried the tree-house, but she wasn't there. She wasn't at Sugarcube corner either. Tried the Mayor's office, but no luck there. Or was there?

"Twilight..." I say hesitantly. There was a bush not too far from Town Hall with a violet mane with a pink streak popping out of it. It twitched.

"I'm a winter mess up." She moaned.

"Causing an avalanche isn't something to doom yourself to that title."

"It wasn't just the avalanche, it was the nest-making, ice-skating, and animal-waking too." Oh wow, maybe she do- No.

"Twilight, perhaps they just weren't to your strengths. You would have been great at seed planting I'm sure. There's also the fact that you don't need to use the plow to get rid of snow, you have magic remember."

"I can't use magic. It's not part of tradition."

"To heck with tradition. Tradition didn't mention a human helping out, now look at me." I spread my arms to make my point. Twilight stuck her head out of the bush. She almost looked like a furry pony, but with leaves... yea.

"That's true. Thanks Ned. For making me feel better." She smiles.

"That's what a good guy does. Put smiles on girls faces" I quip. Twilight laughs.

"Rainbow Dash, y'all on the weather team need to melt the rest of the snow on the ground and the trees, pronto!" Both of us turn to see Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy. Spike was there too.

"Go it" Dash answers and makes to fly.

"Wait. My poor little animal's homes will get flooded if the snow melts too fast." Fluttershy stops Dash.

"Got it" Dash answers.

"I'm tellin' you Rainbow, you gotta melt that snow now." Applejack states.

"No, you simply must wait" Fluttershy counters.

"Okay" Rainbow Dash

"Go!" Jack

"Stop" Flutters

"Go!" Jack

"Stop" Flutters

"GO!" Jack

"STOP!" Wow Fluttershy was shouting.

"UGH! Make up your minds!" Dash finally brings an end to the argument.

"Oh! What in Equestria are all you arguing about?" Mayor Mare(I swear that name is weird), "This sort of silliness is why we were late for spring last year, and the year before that, and the year before that." Huh... That's less than ideal news. Twilight's brow raises.

"Did she say late?" The purple unicorn asks. I nod my head.

"I was hoping my amazingly inspirational(I snort) speech would urge everyone to do better than last year, but now it looks like we're going to be later than ever. I mean just look at this catastrophe. The ice scorers made the ice chunks too big to melt; the nest designer is horrendously behind, we need several hundred, and she's only made ONE!" The mayor lists off the things going wrong. I swore I could here Rarity crying in the distance.

"And, don't get me started on all the clouds in the sky, the icicles on the trees... This isn't good, not at all!" The mayor finishes. This eventually led to the ponies delving into bickering among themselves. Until the mayor said a keyword. A keyword that Twilight picked up.

"...organized? Oh! Ned!", "Yea?", "Get my checklist and clipboard!", "On it." I begin to sprint back to the tree-house, this time with Spike in hand. Need him to help me find Twilight's stuff. As we approach the library, we both heard Twilight cry, "STOP!", but we figured it wasn't directed at us.

We came back shortly with a pen, paper, and clipboard for Twilight. She immediately began to give out orders for every pony to follow. A set plan that actually seemed logical.

It was slightly complicated for us snow-clearers though. Because Twilight broke four plows, we needed something to help us clear the snow. I then got the brilliant idea to take the parts of the four plows and make it into one. Smokestack and I got to work and with the power of duct tape(They have it?), we managed to make one monster of a plow.

It required more than McIntosh to push it. So we decided that since it was so large, McIntosh, Myself, Smokestack, and Caramel would push the darn thing. We had several ponies, Berry Punch, Lyra, Bon Bon, and Applejack sit at the back of the plow to plant seeds as we cleared up the snow. It worked out pretty well.

Within a few short hours, all of the ponies in Ponyville were back in front of Town Hall.

"I can't believe it. Spring is here! ON TIME! And we have you to thank for it. If it weren't for your organization skills we would still be arguing." Mayor Mare was congratulating Twilight.

"It was a team effort." Trying to be humble now aren't we Twi.

"And since you helped every team, we have an official vest for you. WE give you the title, 'All-Team Organizer'." Mayor wouldn't have none of Twilight's humbleness. Hmm. All-Team Organizer?

"Gosh, I don't even know what to say. Thank you everypony" Twilight crossed her hooves in embarrassment.

"And hereby I declare that winter is... wrapped up on time!" The mayor announces. The whole town goes up in cheers.

"All-Team Organizer?" I quip at Twilight.

"Yea, my own team."

"Not really a team if you're the only one in it. Also, makes you out to be a dictator. Your bossiness." I added a bow to the flushed face of Twilight.

"I'm not bossy..."

"Says the All-Team Organizer. Most Organized pony." I retort and retreat. It would be smart to back away from a frustrated unicorn capable of telekinesis.

"I regret nothing!" I shout as I run.

"GET BACK HERE!"

* * *

I gotta say. I'm really missing the white snow.

I've always loved winter. The cold brisk air mixed with the frosty snow makes for some nice walks outside. Accompany this with hot nice cocoa, a book, and a pillow and it is all heaven for me. Twilight would agree for the most part.

Dash, not so much.

Oh well.

It has been a few days since the Winter Wrap Up and there was still some coolness to the air.

I was currently walking through the Everfree forest(again), this time with both Applebloom and Twilight.

"Ned, I haven't seen any crazy gold furred monsters of absolute destruction. You sure its here?" Twilight was giving me that look. The look of contempt. Dammit

"It's just backing off. It can feel you two here so it won't attack. The smart bugger. It's waiting for me to be alone." I grumbled.

"Don't worry Neddy! The Cutie Mark Crusaders will save you from the manticore!" Applebloom tried to cheer me up. "Don't you need Scootaloo and Sweetie Bell?" I ask.

"Right, probably should wait until I have them around..."

We parted ways once we passed Sweet Apple Acres. Twilight and I eventually made it back to the library in time to see Spike, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack hard at work.

"And that should be the last one! Got my section all done Twilight." Spike wipes his forehead free of sweat. Mostly.

"Thank you so much for helping me clean up all these books guys. It was a crazy week of studying." I swear, only Twilight could make studying crazy. And adrenaline pumping. Odd.

Then I heard something, along with seeing Pinkie's tail twitching.

"Oh come on!" I shout. Everyone looks toward me, only for me to brace myself.

Cue glass breaking and something slamming into my body. I so called it.

Whatever collided with me, came with me on my short flight to the bookcase.

Needless to say, books were a fallin'.

"Rainbow Dash, you rock! Woohoo!" I heard a soft voice then gasp. "Did my cheering do that?"

"Yes Flutters. Your super charged cheering was pretty powerful..." I remarked.

"Hehe. Sorry about that ladies. And guy. That was truly feeble performance." I hear Rainbow say as she rises off of me. I also sit up and spit out a bit of Rainbow's mane.

"Actually, it wasn't all bad. I particularly liked it when you made the clouds spin." Flutters comments.

"Ugh." Rainbow face-hoofs, "I'm not talking about my performance, I'm talking about yours. That feeble cheering!" Rainbow shouts.

"What are you two arguing about?" Twilight asks as she levitates some books. I realize that Rainbow was still sitting on me.

"Hey Das-", "Were we arguing? I'm sorry." There is no evil bone in Fluttershy.

"Hmm. I wish you guys could come to Cloudsdale to see me compete in the Best Young Flyer Competition." Dash crosses her hooves and plops down further into my lap.

Ow.

Twilight asked what the competition was and Pinkie began explaining all about it in her funny way. Dash made it clear she wanted us to join her, who could blame her. Fluttershy isn't someo-pony to choose for loudness. Then Pinkie said something about a sonic rainboom.

Sonic Rainboom?

"What's a Sonic Rainboom?"I ask.

"Neddy Teddy. You really need to get out more( I grimaced). The sonic rainboom is legendary! When a Pegasus like Rainbow Dash gets going soooo fast... BOOM! A sonic boom and a rainbow can happen all at once!" Wow, when put from Pinkie's view. It sounds like friggin' awesomeness.

"And Rainbow's the only one who can pull it off!" Applejack tosses in her two cents.

"It was a long time ago... I was just a filly." Rainbow... acting sheepish? That's a first.

Pinkie and Applejack were all for encouraging Rainbow for her filly accomplishment. She also told us that she really wanted the grand prize of hanging out with the Wonderbolts, her idols. She made her exit shortly after under the premise of resting up. Something wasn't right.

And Rarity was the one to confirm it for me.

"Go on, go on." Rarity motions for Twilight.

"Go on what?" Twilight asks.

"Find a spell that will get us wingless ponies... and human into Cloudsdale. Didn't you see how nervous she was?" So Rarity noticed it as well.

Applejack called Rarity out on that, but then again, Rarity is familiar with personal appearances. Twilight had a hard time finding the book in the mess, but Pinkie found it pretty easy. Turns out during the crash earlier, the book had landed on Pinkie's face. Talk about coincidences.

Anyway, to test the spell for it was something Twilight wasn't strong enough for, Rarity volunteered to be the guinea pig.

Needless to say, It worked.

* * *

"Whoa..." I was speechless.

"You can say that again partner." Applejack and the rest could only join me in dropping our jaws.

"There's a place in my mind~" I start to sing.

"No one knows where it hides~" Pinkie continues.

"And my fantasy is flying~" I follow up.

"It's a city in the sky~" Pinkie finishes.

I could only stare at Pinkie Pie for a few moments.

"How-?"

"The writer told me." She says with a straight face. I continue to stare at that unwavering smile. Suspend belief. Save sanity.

"Right..." it was all I could say. I turn my head again only to realize that everypony and Spike was looking at the two of us.

"Let's just get to Cloudsdale before your spell wears off Twilight." I say as I made every effort to keep looking forward.

We docked onto Cloudsdale shortly to find that Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash have already seen Rarity's butterfly wings. Yea, they were speechless too.

"How are guys up here?" Rainbow asks us.

"Well, I found a spell that makes temporary wings, but it was too difficult to do more than once. So I found an easier spell that lets the rest of us walk on clouds." Twilight answers with no hesitation.

"And we came to cheer you to victory!" Applejack states proudly.

Dashie smiles, "To be honest, I was starting to get just a teeniest, tiniest bit nervous. But I feel a LOT better now that you guys are here." She says.

"Even me?" I had to add.

"Even you, Nedster." Nedster? Well that brought some feeling of nostalgia. I smile back.

* * *

"Since there's some time before the competition, why don't Fluttershy and I show you guys around our town?" Rainbow asks. We all agreed. I was already mesmerized by a city of clouds. A few passersby took notice of Rarity's wings and made compliments. Applejack suggested that we all find out how weather was made. Ah, I've always been curious.

"You guys make snowflakes?" That was something I didn't expect. There was a whole factory floor dedicated to pegasi making snowflakes. I guess thats why each one is unique. However, Rarity's wings began to cause a ruckus and mess. Rainbow quickly moved us towards something else. That something else being RAINBOWS!

Pinkie dipped by a river of liquid rainbows and took a sip. Her face began to change colors and steam shot out of her ears.

"Spicyyyyy!" She cries. Well, with a reaction like that, one would avoid rainbows...

"HOT Damn! She's right!" However, I've been known to be a slow learner at times.

"Yeah. Rainbows aren't known for their flavor." I now know why Dashie.

It also seemed like Rarity was getting another gathering of admirers. This lead to Twilight trying to get Rarity to play the humble card, but Rarity was basking in envy. Rainbow's spirit were visibly being drowned. Before we knew it, Rarity had agreed to be part of the competition. Well, crap.

* * *

The start of the competition went without failures and there are a lot of decent fliers. Each having a bit of quirk to them. Take for instance, there was this really buff and muscular pegasus with the smallest wings(Even smaller than Scootaloo's) and he was doing loop de loops like nothing. I check back on the pamphlet(Which no pony seems to be reading) and realized that Rainbow Dash was suppose to be number 2. We just finished with number 9. I excused myself from our viewing booth under the reasoning of bathroom. Curious, do pegasi have bathrooms?

Nevermind.

It took a little bit to find where all the contestants were being held, but when I did find it, only Dashie remained. I haven't heard Rarity being called, so I was curious where she was.

"Hey Rainbow." The pegasus looked catatonic lying against the wall, twitching. That wasn't a good sign.

"Dashie." I said a little louder. This time I caught her attention and I made my way beside her. "Stage fright?" I ask.

"...No, I'm just...uh... just-", "Scared witless?", "Yea! I'm just scared- hey!" Her anger flashed over her face.

"There we go. Come on Dashie. You're better than this."

"I'm... It's just that what if I mess up?"

"It's alright to be afraid of that. It means that you're ready. Heck, I was once afraid of my own shadow. Do I look like a fraidy cat like Flutters?" Dash laughs as I quirk my face. "I mean, sure enough I got over my fear of shadows only for it to jump to the boogieman under my bed. You shouldn't really be so worried what you look like. You are who you make yourself to be." I place my hand on her head. She gives me a look, but makes no move to shake it off.

"Really?"

"Really, really Dashie. I was once told that the greatest of individuals are not the ones that never mess up, but the ones that keep trying when they do. Flutters says you've been practicing the rainboom thousands of times, but never got it down." Rainbow's expression fell, "But that never stopped you from practicing. You kept getting back up. You will do the sonic rainboom, Dashie, and you will win this competition." I gave her head a quick scratch and rub before standing.

A representative came into the room with a clipboard, at the same time Rarity popped out of another room, wearing an elaborate dress that went fairly well with her wings.

"Rarity... Is Ready!"

"Look ladies... Sir are you also a competitor?(I shake my head) Good, there's only time for one more performance. If both want to compete, you'll have to go out together." The representative said before leaving the room.

"Well, I'll get back to my seat. Good luck you two. And Dashie?" Said pegasus looks at me. "You'll be great. I just know it."

* * *

"Took a long time in the bathroom Ned." Twilight says as I take my seat next to her and Spike. Pinkie and Applejack were munching down on some popcorn. Spike kept stealing handfuls.

"Everything is white Twilight. I couldn't tell what was a toilet and what was someone's piece of art." I quip. Twilight snorts before we both turn our attention to our two friends coming out for the performance.

"This is it" Spike says. "GO RAINBOW DASH! GO RARITY!" Shouts Pinkie.

And then they were off. Rarity seemed to have picked the music(Classic Orchestra doesn't sound like Rainbow's schtick anyway) and was prancing and dancing in the air. Dash was swerving in-between cloud pillars, but clipped the last one which sent her into a wall.

"Way to go, Rainbow Crash!" I heard from the side. I stood up as Rainbow flew up to some rounder clouds. I scooped up a chunk of cloud(Geez it was wet and cold), rounded it into a ball, and threw it at a trio of pegasi.

Clouds maybe soft, but from what I learned from Twilight, softness can hurt like a lego under a foot. The cloudball exploded into smoke as it made contact. When it cleared, the three pegasi were soaked and shivering. I turn back to watch the show, but Twilight was glaring at me. I could only shrug my shoulders.

Oh, looks like the two were going for their finales.

Ah, Rarity is going with the transparent light alteration with her wings. Didn't Twilight say something about the wings bein- oh dear.

Rarity's wings dried up into thin air, which Twilight shouted. The marshmallow began to fall, there wasn't anything I could do. Wait.

"Twilight, think you can give me wings?" I ask in a hurry. "I don't know, it's a hard spell remember!" She looked crossed, but then made up her mind. Her horn began to glow and was about to point it at me.

"Wait! Look!" Spike shouts.

Both Twilight and I stop and look only to see that three blue uniformed pegasi were knocked out by Rarity. Spike! Twilight needs all of her attention to cast the spell! We need to sav-

Is that Rainbow?

It was.

There was a streak of a rainbow trail zooming towards the four falling ponies. I could hear Fluttershy gasping and jaws hitting clouds.

Is that what I think is going to be?

"A SONIC RAINBOOM! SHE DID IT! SHE DID IT! WOOOOO!" That would probably be the loudest I've ever heard Fluttershy. And I can't blame her. That was bloody awesome.

Rainbow Dash was going so fast that a cone began to form around her with rainbow edges. The cone started out round before finally condensing to a point which led to a sonic boom, a sound barrier explosion of rainbows. It was bright as heaven and there was an audible pop to all of our ears. Pop does it no justice, it was a rock solo to pure awesome. Better than a double friggin' rainbow.

Dashie managed to save everyone, carrying Rarity by her hooves and the Wonderbolts on her back. That was pretty epic.

"Best day EVER!"

* * *

Rarity apologized to Rainbow for getting caught up in her vanity. She also apologized to the rest of us for some reason, but we took it in stride. When Rainbow Dash brought up the topic that she wanted to meet her idols when they were conscious, she would find out that they were just behind her. Princess Celestia made her appearance(Turns out she was one of the judges for the competition) and placed upon Rainbow's head her victory crown. Rarity also apologized to Celestia and essentially made a lesson on friendship letter on the spot.

Adding more to that was the three pegasi(The ones I caught with a cloudball) came and apologized to Dashie. Dashie was going to spend the whole day with the Wonderbolts, but before she left, she gave me a legitimate hug for the first time since, well, ever.

"Thanks Ned." She says, I smile, "No problem Dash." I hug back.

* * *

After such a eventful day, it was good to be back in Ponyville.

Twilight and Spike were already asleep, but I couldn't follow.

Had too much on my mind. So I decided to take a midnight stroll. I was rounding the outskirts of Ponyville when I heard something cut through the air.

"Good evening, Princess." I say in my most English voice. Gotta love them English.

"Good evening, Ned. We have noticed thou be'th not in slumber." Her voice was a tad loud, but it was definitely better than the previous meetings.

"I seem to have a bit on my mind, Princess Luna." I recall the first time I met this princess. It would be a couple weeks ago. Scared the living crap out of me, but we eventually got along. She was curious on me before and I was the same. It is usually how our talks went. Just purely learning more about one another.

"Be'th about the competition today? We wished we could spectate, but we were unable." I nod my understanding and the two of us began to walk.

"No, it's something else. I'm just a little homesick." It was true. As much as I enjoy Equestria, I still have a longing for home. My friends, my family...

"Ah, We apologize that we could not help thee." I felt something on my shoulder, I look over to see dark blue feathers. Seems like Luna was comforting me.

"It's alright. I've gotten used to the fact. Still, I miss Abby."

"Abby... would this be your significant other that you have been telling us?"

"Yea. You can definitely say that." God, I still remember her face, her smell, her laugh. I guess I would do anything to have that again.

"Is there something that you wish to speak to us about?" Luna was trying to steer me off the subject. Bless her.

"Yea, I've been noticing different creatures in the Everfree Forest. None of them are on current bestiaries." It has been bothering me and I've been concerned for a while.

"Ah, what kind of creatures. Perhaps I can identify them for you."

"Well, that's the thing. I already know what they are."

"Then, what be'th the conflict?"

"The problem is that even though I know them, they aren't part of your bestiaries. I know them because they are common creatures in human folk stories." I pause, "And worst, your books say nothing about dark age creatures." That put a shock expression on the princess's face.

"Dark age creatures... such as?" She was being cautious. I wouldn't blame her.

"Werewolves, faeries, dire wolves, and so much more."

"I see, that is troubling. Thou seeth, my sister and I sealed away such creatures many a millenia ago. It is hard to deal with something that should have been solved."

"I understand. Is there ways to protect Ponyville?" Perhaps Luna knows the way.

"We are afraid, that we do no know" Damn.

"For now, We shall inform my sister. You, Ned Delostrinos, must defend Ponyville." I nod my head. "But, Princess. I'm not skilled in combat. I only have my skill in the bow."

"I have faith in your abilities. You will be a grand guard for Ponyville." Great, now how can I pass up if the princess is so trusting.

"Very well, very well. I shall do what I can princess." I bow towards the dark blue alicorn. Didn't really know a while back that there was a name for a unicorn with wings. Oh well.

The two of us made small talk before fatigue finally clung to me. She decided to be convient and teleported me back to Twilight's tree-house.

Took to my room and finally got some shut eye.

I'm socially awkward.

* * *

**A/N**

Got it done.

Only, I would guess, two more chapters before I start doing something different. One would probably notice that I'm going in a different order with the episodic stories. If anyone seems to be put off by that, I apologize.

Anyway, should probably get to molding my hero.

Until next time,

Review please.

also

NARNIA!


	5. Chapter 5

I can be social. Probably. Maybe.

8

"This seems like a terrible idea." I said as I was dangling from a tree branch several dozen feet above the ground.

"Don't worry about it Neddy! We'll save you!" The squeaky voice of Scootaloo echos through the woods.

"I would like that very much." I quip as I look back at the rope holding me up by my feet. The rope was slightly cut and was tearing(In classic movie style) thread by thread. It was getting dangerously close to - Oh nice.

"Falling... If anyone cares" My voice may have peaked a bit at the end.

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS! TO THE RESCUE!" I heard my three adorable followers cry as they made their way to me. Sweetie Bell and Applebloom were carrying a net and Scootaloo was dragging a pillow behind her scooter.

The ground was becoming dangerously closer. Like a fat man wanting to chow down on a hershey bar. I might actually be scared.

Yea, they were nowhere close enough.

"Well, damn." Death by broken neck. What a way to go.

That is until I stopped short of hitting the ground and there was a purple glow about me.

"Care to explain this Ned?" Twilight asks as she levitates me towards her, still upside down.

"Helping them get their Cutie-Marks... involuntarily..." I say. The three fillies finally get to me only to find that they were not the ones to save me.

"Aww, now we have to tie him back up there." Applebloom whines.

"Yea, like I'll let you guys get another chance to give me brain damage." I scold them, Twilight even turned me to face them. It would have been nice, had it not been for the fact I was still upside down.

"Girls, it isn't safe doing things like this," Twilight shakes me for emphasis, "Ned could have serious been hurt." The three fillies could only bow their heads in embarrassment. "We're sorry." All three of them apologize.

"Now go run along, I'm sure there are safer ways to get your Cutie-Marks." Twilight suggests and the three crusaders brighten up before taking off.

"Will you be putting me down anytime soon? The blood is making my head woozy." I remark as, yes, my vision is slightly blurred.

"Sorry" She says and promptly drops me. At least, I was prepared and landed on my back. Still hurt though. "Sorry, again"

"Ugh. I'm good, Twi. Thanks for saving me." I get right back up to dust myself off.

"No problem. I was wondering where you disappeared off to."

"Welp, mystery solved. Lets get back to Ponyville. I feel like something is stalking me." I say as I give the Everfree forest a once over. Never liked being in here for too long. Especially when I don't have Fluttershy around.

The two of us made our way out of the forest only to run into Applejack and Rainbow, both whom have been searching for Twilight to be the judge of a "Iron Pony" competition. This was going to be fun.

8

The competition was simple enough in rules. Applejack and Rainbow Dash are to best each other in a series of sports contests to decide who was the best athlete. Twilight was the judge, Spike was the announcer, Fluttershy was the scorekeeper, and Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and myself were the spectators.

The first event was barrel weaving. The two are to get through the track by weaving in between barrels and reach the other side without touching a barrel. Simple enough, both ponies were fast, but Applejack was faster. However, she clipped a barrel costing her the point which went to Rainbow Dash.

The next contest was the strength test. Hands down, I knew Jack would win this. The pony has been apple-bucking for years now so she would outclass the pegasus. I was proven right when after Rainbow hit the trigger for the bell tower and rung the bell, Jack smashed the trigger and launched both the trigger and bell off in the distance. One point for Jack.

The next test, I could live without. The Bronco Buck. The goal was that both ponies are to buck off the rider, me, in the shortest amount of time. It was decided under the age-old decision maker, "Rock, Paper, Scissors." I lost. Applejack had some difficulty trying to launch me off, but eventually got to it. I had a firm grip by the way. Rainbow, well, she did a quick spin and bucked me off when I was extremely nauseated. Point to Dashie. Ugh.

There was the Calf Roping bout, where both contestants were to lasso me. Applejack had some difficulty as I had some dexterity to my name. She did get me in the end when she distracted me with the promise of pie. Cheater. Rainbow? Well, if lasso'ing yourself counted she would have won. Point to Jack.

The following contests of ball bouncing(I started laughing and only Pinkie, in her weird way, understood), Bale shot-putting, Hoof-wrestling, Football kicking, and Dizzy running. They tied up at 5 points each and neither were showing any signs of slowing down.

Rainbow Dash decided to step up her game. With her wings.

Wings flapped during push-ups, propelled in long jumps, chick pick-ups(I laughed again), and finally a Tug-o-War game where she used her wings to hang Applejack above the pit of mud.

To say it was a little unfair is like saying paint drying is boring.

Applejack made her displeasure known and called Rainbow Dash a cheater. Dashie's argument that she wasn't told that she couldn't use her wings had some merit, but Jack put out that she was hoping Dashie would follow an honor system. Nonetheless, the fight was disputed that they would decide once and for all at the Running of the Leaves festival. Jack's challenge for Dashie? No using wings.

This ought to be fun.

8

"So you're actually going to be part of this?" I ask.

"Why yes, I've always read about it and this time I want to experience it." Twilight answers with that knowing smile. The two of us were walking among the other competitors toward the starting line. Both of us were going to be participating in the race, Twilight mainly for the experience and myself, for the heck of it. I may also want to know how I fare against other ponies. Maybe.

"Twilight? Ned? What in tarnation are you two doin' up here?" Twilight and I found both Applejack and Rainbow settling up at the line. Rainbow seems to have her wings tied to her body. Guess Jack had to make sure.

"We're racing." That set the two ponies laughing.

"Good one Twilight, I mean Ned I can understand, but you?"

"I'm not joking..."

"What? You're not an athlete, you're a... well... an egghead."

"And what's wrong with eggheads?" I ask. Hey, I spend just as much time as Twilight reading. Okay, maybe not as much... nevermind not even close. "Yea. And for the record, I'm just well read." That's putting it mildly Twilight.

"Egghead," Rainbow comments, "But have you ever run a race?" Applejack asks.

"Well, no, but I do know a lot about running" This set the two ponies laughing again.

"Twilight..." I said, "You're not helping your case much."

"I'm guessing from books, right?" Dashie asks, "What'd you read, 'The Egghead's Guide to Running'? Did you stretch out your eye muscles to warm up?" She begins to laugh at her own joke. I could only shake my head.

"Joke as you want, but the running of the leaves is a Ponyville tradition and I wish to experience it. At least Ned understands that." I nod at Twilight's look.

"Well, I think that's just dandy, Twilight. Good luck." Jack couldn't resist a snicker.

"Yea, see you at the finish line... Tomorrow." Dashie burst out laughing again.

I look up to see Twilight's balloon with Spike and Pinkie Pie in it.

"All Right! Ponies! Are you READY!" Pinkie is quite loud, even louder with a loudspeaker.

"Get set!" Spike continues. Every pony got themselves set up and I followed suite. This was gonna be fun.

The moment a bell rung, we all shot off the line.

8

"Looks like everyone is really in the spirit huh?" I ask.

"It's so inspiring. Everypony is excited to see the race and the leaves fall." I wasn't expecting an answer, but I took it. I glance over to Twilight.

"I take it that book told you to set a good pace first, huh?"

"Yup. It is important that you don't tire yourself, sprinting early in a race."

"Correct you are. Though this isn't going to appeal to both Jack and Dashie for a while."

"Well, we will see how they look when we get to the end. Shall we?"

I nod my head and we both jogged our way through the trees.

I have to say, Twilight was right to say it was going to be an experience. The red, orange, and yellow leaves were drifting in the wind.

"I am a leaf on the wind... Watch how I soar..."

"That was nice, Ned." Twilight's voice brings me out of my thoughts. I guess I said it out loud.

"Thanks."

"You should do that more often. It's nice to hear you sing."

"Yea, I don't sing Twi." She smirks.

"Oh, but during the Winter Wr-"

"Not going to happen again." I cut her off.

"Aww."

We stopped running when we came upon the tripped form of Applejack.

"Whoa! I don't believe!" Jack shouts.

"I know, it's beautiful, isn't it?" I nod at Twilight, but...

"That's not what she meant Twi. You alright Jack?" I help the pony to her hooves.

"Yea I'm right as day, but Rainbow Dash just tripped me."

"She did not" Twilight defended.

"She did too!" Jack counters

"She didn't, and if you slowed down and looked where you're going, like me, you wouldn't have tripped over a rock." Twilight points back at a rock jutting out of the ground.

"What?! Oh, hayseed! How I got a lot of ground to make up to catch Rainbow." The apple-bucker dashes off.

"Just be careful!" Twilight shouts as the two of us resume our run.

It wasn't long until we ran into the tripped form of Rainbow. Again, it was another case of not looking where she was going, but I had gotten a different vibe off of Dashie before she took off after Jack.

"You don't think she's going to..." I ask Twilight.

"I hope not."

8

Once again we found Rainbow, but this time she was by a sign, laughing to herself.

"Oh my, Whitetail Wood is just lovely." Twilight comments.

"It sure is. Hey, Dashie, shouldn't you be up ahead?" I ask the snickering pegasus.

"I'm sure to win now." She says.

"Except that the other racers just passed you." Twilight points out towards the rest of the racers.

"Oh horse apples... See ya!" Dashie shouts before running off.

This is a bad trend. I take one last look at the sign before I sigh.

"Looks like Dashie just misdirected Jack."

"Really? Oh that just isn't good. Should we do something about it?" I notice the broadcaster balloon was hovering near the mountaintop that the sign was now pointing to.

"I think it'll be alright. Let's get going." The two of us are back on the path.

The path started to change. There was a steady increase of ponies. Looks like Twilight and I just caught up to the rest of the ponies.

"Looks like we are about to hit the home stretch." Twilight notes.

"Yuppers. Ready for the finishing dash?" I ask. We started passing the other racers.

"That is what the book says I should do around now."

"Bet I can beat you and your book!" I goaded the unicorn.

"You're on Delostrinos."

"What's the stakes?"

"Hmm..." She pauses and we pass a few other racers.

"Well?" , "How about if I win, I get another massage?" Oh no.

"I knew doing that the first time was a bad idea." I had given Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity, and Applejack a massage one time. They all enjoyed it. Far too much. Pinkie Pie was the worst of them, she became overly amorous towards me. Ever SINCE.

"...I'll accept it... only if you lift my no meat ban." Twilight glared at me.

"Not going to hap-", "Only for a week Twilight. I'll only resort to fishing." When I finally got around to actually hunting, I managed to get some game out in the Everfree forest. Problem was that Fluttershy and Twilight found out and started scolding me for killing a bear. That was the main reason why I had a no meat ban.

"...Fine..." Yes! I pumped my fist.

"But you still gotta beat me first!" With that Twilight dashed off.

"Oh it is on!" I kicked my muscles into the next gear. Legs, don't fail me now.

The two of us stayed neck and neck as we passed several other racers. The only thing we were focused on was the finish line ahead.

My lungs labored.

My vision narrowed.

My legs burned.

My body sweat.

I was no longer aware if Twilight was ahead or behind. All I knew was that I was approaching the end.

One more step!

I kicked off with my back leg and lunged forward.

Finish!

It took me a few stumbling steps for me to regain my balance. Geez. My lungs were wheezing from that dead sprint. My legs were like jelly. I glanced over to see that Twilight was also sweating and taking deep breaths.

"So..ha..Who..Ha..won?" I ask.

"I'm...Not...ha...sure.."

"Well, you both tied for fifth place." We both turned our heads to see Princess Celestia beaming at us.

"Tied..ha..huh?" Well, that's nice...

"Looks like I'll be getting that massage" Twilight smiles as she finally regains her breath.

"If thats the case, I'm going fishing later." I also regain my breath.

"What is this about massages and fishing?" Celestia asks.

"Oh Twilight and I made a wager and, with a draw, we both get our deals. I get lift from my ban of meat and she gets a massage from me." I couldn't suppress a shudder. If they weren't sure if hands were a good thing, they knew better now.

"Oh? You wouldn't happen to be doing anything, inappropriate now would you, Delostrinos?" Celestia seems to have that gleam in her eyes that scared me.

"O-oh, I wouldn't worry about that." I quickly answer.

"Good!" She was back to being the sweet Princess I was used to. That was scary.

There was a bit of a scuffle coming from the finish line. The lot of us(everypony at the area) gathered around the crumpled pile that is Applejack and Rainbow Dash.

"I won!" Dashie shouts. "No, I won!" Jack counters. "I won!" The two were now snout to snout.

"You tied!" Spike calls out as he disembarks the balloon.

"Tied?!" both Dashie and Jack shout.

"For first?"asks Jack. Pinkie Pie pops up and shakes her head.

"For last."

"Last?" Both Dashie and Jack screech. They both turn to Twilight and I, for we were being given our medals by Celestia.

"You guys beat us?" both last placers ask.

"Well yes, but we only tied for fifth place. Which is rather good considering that I've never ran a race before." Twilight then looks toward me. "Well, I'm glad I placed at all. I'm racing ponies here. I got only two legs." I wiggle one of my legs for emphasis. "Man, I need something to drink." I mutter.

"Oh? Here. Have some of this." I turn to see Celestia hovering a cup of milk towards me. I take it in gusto.

"Thanks, Princess." I take a big swig. Hmm. This brought up a question I had for a while.

"Hey. The only farm here is Sweet Apple Acres, right?" Everypony nods. "Where are we getting milk from?" I was curious. The only cows I've seen are the ones that pass by during the spring.

"Oh, why don't I show you?" There was that strange gleam in Celestia's eyes when she offered. She turns and motions for me to follow. It was only a few steps before I stood before a yellow pony with a blue fuzzy mane.

"Milkmare?" Celestia asks. The blue mane pony turns to us. "Oh Princess! Is there anything I do for you?", "Why yes, You see. Ned(She points a hoof at me) here is curious on where we get our milk. Would you care to enlighten him?" Milkmare blushes slightly before nodding her head.

She turns around.

And lifts her flank.

Now why would she do...

Oh god.

"Are those...?" That's... That's... that's just...

I stumbled back and lurched over. I'm quite sure my face was green. I felt bile rise up my throat.

"I'm going to be sick." I said before I dashed over to a bush. Once there, I removed the contents of my stomach.

"That's just wrong... ugh." I wheezed.

"...Was that really necessary, Princess?" I hear Twilight ask.

"Necessary? No." I hear that witch's answer.

"Then..."

"Fun? Yes." That evil witch.

"Ned... There is a cow farm near Ponyville. We get most of our milk from there as well."

Bless you Twilight. Bless you.

8

"No plotting to take revenge!" Twilight shouts.

I was currently back in the tree-house library. I was in the main room with truckloads of papers all over the place. Spike was with me. He and I were planning out stages of ideas and plots for me to get back at the ruling witch.

"...So if I use the compost here as a weapon..." I was bouncing my ideas off of Spike.

"Well, it all depends on the Princess. If she smells it, she'll avoid it." Spike counters.

"Damn... Then I have to use something that covers the smell..."

"How about pie?" Spike offers. I gave him a look. "Right, no mistreatment of pie... How about using pie as the bait?"

"Well, that does have merit. I'll have to recruit Gran-"

"I said no plotting against the Princess!" Twilight slams her hooves on the table. It causes some papers and diagrams to scatter.

"Twilight... What she did... I must retaliate."

"No you will not. I realize that what she did was mean, but she already apologized."

"That was the most half-hearted apology I've ever heard!"

"Still she did!"

"Fine! I'm going fishing! You coming Spike?" I look to the dragon as I piled up all the papers neatly. I'll have to gather the ones on the ground later.

"Fish? Heck yes, I'm coming!" Spike hops off the table and runs off to my room. It was where I kept all my fishing gear. Thankfully, Twilight had a book on fishing.

"Now? What about my massage?" Twilight gave me that look. Do all females know that look?

"If you want it, you'll have to come with." I offered the unicorn.

"Fine. Let me get a few books." Twilight trots up to her loft.

I sneak a glance to my plans... I believe I have most of them memorized.

Soon, Princess. Soon.

I shall have my revengeance.

8

"Spike, try not to fall into the water this time." I had a firm grip on the dragon's shoulder as he had, once again, leaned too far over the edge of the bridge. We had chosen a bridge that was a little a ways away from Ponyville. We were going to go to the lake, but Twilight said that there would be flying tuna in the rivers this season. Now, I've only caught a bear and a few river basses, I barely even know what those are, but a flying tuna sounds like an experience to be had.

"Geez, make one mistake and you'll never let me live it down." Spike groans. "Yea one mistake, several times." I reminded the poor dragon. The three of us were sitting on the bridge's wide railings and there were two fishing rods at use. Twilight was to my right, reading a book while my right hand moved through her mane. Spike was on my left and he was trying to keep a hold on the rod I gave him.

We sat in silence for a good long while.

"Ned. You're not trying to forget are you?" Damn you Twilight.

"I wasn't going to forget." I muttered before shifting from sitting cross-legged to kneeling to the side of Twilight. She stretched herself and resumed reading.

God I wish I never attempted this in the first place.

I placed my hands at the back of(What I would assume) her neck and began to knead the surface.

"Ooooh." Dammit Twilight.

I began to work down the back, pressing my fingers into her muscles and applying pressure in areas. The fact that I know how to do this well is quite disturbing. I rolled my knuckles against her back. Each action creates a moan out of the unicorn.

This was really awkward.

"Whoa! I think I got a bite!" Thank you Spike. Bless you SPIKE!

"Keep a firm grip Spike. When it relents, start reeling in." Spike did so.

"However when it starts to fight again, ease off and hold firm." I inform Spike. He appeared to be struggling immensely.

"Spike you got it. Keep that hold!"

"It's too strong!"

"You can do it Spike!"

"It's slipping!"

"Come on, Spike! We believe in you!" Getting a little emotional now are we Twilight?

With a mighty pull, Spike ripped something out of the water...

"Buhahahahaaha!" I'm gonna need some context for my laugh.

Well, the thing that Spike ripped out of the water. It was the smallest fish I've ever seen. It barely made a third of Spike's size. And it smashed into Spike, sending both tumbling onto the bridge.

"That's not funny." Spike mutters.

"You're right." I said.

"It's hilarious" Twilight finishes.

We both snickered. Then my line started reeling.

"Welp. Let's find out what I got?"

8

"Well, that was expected." I say as I turn the fishes on the fire. By the end of the day, Spike and I caught several dozen fishes and now I was roasting them over a fire. Spike was cleaning the few fish that I didn't have roasting. Twilight was reading beside me, giving me a look of... well, I don't really know(Or care at the moment). I was going to cook these at the treehouse, but...

"Neddy! There's lots of ponies here curious on how you cook." Classic Pinkie, make a simple outing into a party. There was a group of various ponies from Ponyville, each wondering why I was cooking fish. Well, its something I rather not deal with.

"Thank you Pinkie. However, this is going to take a few more minutes." I inform the excitable pony.

"Oky Doky Loki!" She chimes.

It would only be moments afterwards that everypony was chowing down on fried fish. I will have to see Zecora again to thank her for the spices. Turns out Zecora knows a bit more than just potions and remedies, but also spices. While Twilight may have been against my need for meat, she may now have some lenience if I just stick with fish. I mean, I'm all for eating fruits and vegetables, but I'm only human. I need some meat in my stomach.

"Seems like everyone's enjoying the food." I say.

"Surprisingly enough."Twilight comments.

"See, there's no harm in meat." I comment

"Unless you killed a bear for it." Twilight retorts

"Well, now I know better. I didn't think I would have survived Flutter's lecture."

"It was your own fault there Ned."

"True."

I turn to see that Spike is well into his fifth portion. I think introducing him to meat wasn't the best of choices, but ,then again, it was nice to see him satisfied. Better maintain his diet now.

"Spike, ease off the fish. Let other ponies get their share." The dragon could only sulk at that.

"Thank you, I'm afraid Spike might be getting too much meat." Twilight says.

"Yea. I noticed it myself."

The two of us continue munching on our delectables.

Damn, really gotta make it up to Zecora.

8

"An' that's when the yellow birdie thought to himself, "Hmm. My favorite little tree isn't such a little tree anymore." So she sang her song, big an' strong, an' they all lived in that great, big tree happily ever after. The... End."

"Applejack... It is times like this, you scare me."

I just walked into the caboose of the train to witness Applejack, of all the sane ponies I know, reading a bedtime story. That in itself isn't strange.

"Ah shucks, I'm just telling Bloomberg a bedtime story." Jack answers.

"Jack... You do realize that Bloomberg's a tree, right?" Yup, a bedtime story told to a tree.

"An Apple tree." She corrects.

"Oh, sorry. You do know that's an APPLE tree, right?"

"Heh, well... you know that replanting and transferring can be an unsettling experience. So I'm just trying to make him feel better." The orange pony sheepishly crosses her hooves.

Yea. This is my life.

"Right... I'll just be back with the others. Try not to be a shut in now." I say as I turn on my heels and exit the caboose.

"It's not fair! Why does that tree get its own room, while I have to share?!" Rarity shouts at me.

"Well, Bloomberg is the reason we are going on this trip Rarity." Twilight answers.

"Yea, and besides, aren't we just fine company for such a beautiful mare?" I sang sweetly.

"Well... I guess you all do make a good entourage. However! I am still cramped in here." Rarity stomps her hoof.

"Relax Rarity, it's only one more day of travelling." Jack says as she comes back from the caboose.

"Ugh. You treat that tree like it's a baby or something." Rarity whines.

"Who you calling a baby?! Bloomberg's no baby! He's a strong and mighty tree. Don't wet widdle Wawity make you all saddy-waddy. Bloomberg's a tall and strong apple tree. Yes he is. Coochie coo coo!" That's just disturbing, Jack.

"Its widdle Wawity that's all saddy-waddy." Don't join in Wa-er- Rarity.

"You two need professional help." I state.

"I doubt they'll listen though." Rainbow comments.

"Do you guys mind?" I turn to see Spike rubbing at his eyes. "I had to wake up early to fire-roast those snacks. I'm pooped." He continues.

"Speaking about snack," Rainbow shakes her bag of popcorn, "I think I have a few unpopped kernels." Spike groans.

"Fine..." Spike shoots out a flaming loogy. It incinerates Dashie's bag.

"Guh..." She drops it on reflex and I quickly catch to redirect it outside. It'll burn away so it's not littering.

"I guess we should turn in for tonight. We have a big day tomorrow." I say.

"Besides, that way we are up early for tomorrow." Twilight adds.

"Awwwww" goes everypony.

The lights turn out and I lay onto my bed. It was a little cramped. Obviously made for a pony.

Damn this world and not making things slightly bigger.

"Psst. Hey Pinkie. Are you asleep yet?" I hear Dashie whisper.

"Yea. Are you asleep yet?" Really Pinkie?

"No... How would I ask you if I were asleep?" Dashie whispers irritated.

"Oh...yea..(she giggles)Neddy. You asleep yet?"

"Not anymore" I whisper back and I roll out of bed into a crouch. I notice that Dashie is holding a lit candle. Both ponies were in the middle of the cab.

"Anyway. You guys don't think, that when we get to Appleloosa tomorrow that we will have to carry that heavy tree?" Dashie asks.

"Hmm? What tree? You mean Bloomberg?" There's only one tree on board Pinkie.

"Noo, guh... I was talking about Fluttershy." Dash answers sarcastically.

"Fluttershy is not a tree, silly." Pinkie giggles.

"Hey what's going on?" Don't you have a silent voice, Twilight?

"Dashie thinks Fluttershy's a tree." Pinkie answers.

"I do not think Fluttershy's a tree," Dashie corrects.

"Did you say she was a tree?" Twilight asks.

"No. Well, yes...not exactly-"

"You know she's not a tree, Dash." Twilight says clinically.

"She's not a tree, Dashie"

"I would like to be a tree." Really Flutters?

"OH for Pete's sake!" Spike shouts before grabbing his pillow, leaping off his bed, and walking towards the last cabin. Now I feel bad.

"A bit huffy don't ya think?" Twilight says.

"Huffy the magic dragon." Wow, Flutters got jokes... Wait a minute.

"How do you know about Puff the magic dragon?" I ask.

"Well, he is this dragon that takes care of the Canterlot library-" Twilight starts.

"Nevermind. Stupid question."

"Will you all please. BE. QUIET!"

We all jump to see Rarity in a horrifying facial masque. Twilight quickly blows out the candle and we are all covered in darkness.

Nice night. Had Pinkie learned personal space.

8

The lot of us are on our way to a place out in the west called Appleloosa, where Jack is delivering an apple tree to her relatives. It was to be a four day trip in total. Perhaps there were a few things we didn't consider in the equation.

Like a herd of buffalo ambushing the train.

Said buffalo also stole the caboose containing Bloomberg. And Spike.

So we arrive into Appleloosa to meet with Braeburn, one of Applejack's cousins. Jack tried to inform the excitable pony that the tree was stolen, but the darn farmhand wouldn't stop hearing himself talk and showing us around Appleloosa.

Good lord. There's so many pies.

Anyway, Jack finally told Braeburn that the tree(along with Spike) was stolen. Turns out that the Appleloosans have known and have been harassed by the buffalo for some time now. Puts things into perspective, it does.

Rainbow and Pinkie(They went after the stolen train) came into town with one of the buffalo(Little Strongheart) and they want to talk on the behalf of the buffalo. Jack tries to get both Braeburn and Strongheart to negotiate, but they couldn't. Instead, Dashie and Jack argue in their place.

"These negotiations could go much better." I comment.

"Yea, both ponies and buffalo have good reasons to keep the land." Twilight remarks.

"Hmm, which brings to my attention. Why can't they jus-"

"Oh! I know how to help both sides!" Pinkie interrupts. She then dashes off, telling us that she will have her answer in a few minutes.

I'm curious on what she plans to do.

8

"...share and care..." I give voice to the silence that followed Chief Thunderhooves ultimatum.

Pinkie Pie gathered both the buffalo and the Appleloosans in front of a stage and began singing a song about sharing and caring. It was long version to my solution to the situation. Despite the semi-awkward show, it did present some kind of entertainment. Just not the one we need as neither the chief or sheriff liked it. It was the one thing they could agree on.

Where in the world did Pinkie get that dress...

Anyway, the Appleloosans will not be giving up the land and have been baking up pies. To use as weapons...

That is just evil.

That's pie cruelty.

Despite my audible(read: loud) objections, the Appleloosans plan to use the pies as projectiles.

I may have cried.

"This is too cruel, Twilight. This is pie cruelty!" I cried. Spike was patting me on the back as I was on my knees.

"Ned... Aren't you overreacting?" the unicorn asks. The nerve.

"It's PIE! TWILIGHT!"

"You know how Ned gets about pie, Twilight." Spike states.

"I can sympathize with him." Rarity supports me.

"Well, by noon tomorrow. All them pie is going to be wasted." Applejack grimly predicts.

Damn.

8

The sun was high in the sky. It had no clouds to obscure it and it was beaming down heat relentlessly. I am currently at the frontlines of the fortification of Appleloosa. Trying to talk some sense into the Appleloosan beside me.

"It's pie, mate. You don't waste good pie."

"I'm sorry, but we don't have an abundance of anything else."

"Why not throw apples?"

"Because someone could get hurt."

What.

"Someone could still get hurt with pie in their face."

"Yes, but with pie they would be disorientated."

Oh, I guess that makes sense. In a retarded world.

"Still, pie is not the way!"

It was all that was on my mind for the past forty-eight hours. The main reason why I came along for this bloody trip was to experience Appleloosan pie. Jack had told me that the pie here was very good and different than Granny Smith's. Now I have to deal with these ponies using them as rocks.

I look to the horizon, there was a shadow over a hill just outside of Appleloosa. Looks like our buffalo friends were here.

It was intense. For moments after the clocks struck noon, everyone was expecting the herd to stampede. For moments, we expected violence.

There was none.

"Well, looks like the pie will be sa-"

"~–whaddaya say?

You got to share

You got to care

It's the right thing to do"

Ah. Fudgenuggets. Damn you Pinkie

"CHHAAAAAAARGE!" I could feel the chief's roar from down here. The whole herd of buffalo came stomping down the hill and across the field. That bloody pink pony was still singing, trying to convince the herd to reason.

"Ah, Pinkamena!" I shout as I vault the barricades and bales of hay towards the dancer. Buffalo are twenty yards out. Ten feet to Pinkie

"You gotta SHARE~!" She lulls.

Ten yards, five feet.

"You gotta CA-hugh!" I grab the pinkette and spin on my heels.

I wonder if I can outrun a buffalo? About to find out.

"RUN!" I heard someon- pony call. Then I saw pies descend from the skies like angry birds. heh.

I carried Pinkie past several Appleloosans, "Stop the Violence!" Pinkie shouts, and had to dodge several collisions. I finally decided to throw Pinkie into one of the buildings, a saloon, and did so. "Wheee!" She cheers as she soared into the saloon. I turn only to roll to the side to avoid a buffalo from spearing me. I danced my way across the pie-riddled battlefield, each pie wearing down on my morale. Eventually I hit a clear spot and took inventory of the situation. There was debris of hay and wood about, buffalo sprawled about dizzy, Appleloosans lie crumpled about, and loads of pies wasted. It was horrifying.

Then I spotted both the sheriff and the chief having a standoff. The chief stomped his hoof and the sheriff managed to gather one pie to his fight. The two could only stare each other down. The chief charges. The sheriff cocks his hoof back.

"Hold it!" The two stop dead in their actions as I stand between both with hands raised at both of them. I immediately snatch the pie out of the sheriff's han-hoof. I bring it before the chief.

"First, before you start crushing things again, eat this pie." I ask of the chief.

Thunderhooves gives me an incredulous look before reluctantly obliging.

His eyes display his awe. Pie, you've claim another believer.

"Yum! I have a better idea!" He exclaims. I wonder how slow these ponies(and buffalo) are sometimes.

8

"That was great Ned! You got both the buffalo and the Appleloosans to compromise." Twilight was ecstatic at the results.

"I would have done it sooner had it not been for someone and their musical number." I glared at Pinkie, who could only smile like she always does.

"There is never a bad time to be singing!" She counters.

"Your singing caused the stampede..." Jack says. It didn't look like Pinkie was listening.

"Well, I'll be telling Princess Celestia...Friendship is a wondrous and powerful thing. Even the worst of enemies can become friends. You need understanding and compromise. You've got to share. You've got to care–"Twilight says.

"HEY! THAT'S WHAT I SAID!" Pinke shouts.

8

After a long and trying week, it was finally good to take a rest. Between helping the Appleloosans, catching the parasprites, dealing with Flutters' papparazzi, and the running of the leaves, things can get pretty tiring.

I was in Twilight's treehouse, reading another tome(This one called "Legends of Equestria, a Star Swirl Chronicle). Spike was munching on some pie(My own baking) nearby and Twilight was reading her own books at my side. She still has my free hand scratching at the back of her head. Once Spike finished his pie, he let out a big yawn that caught both Twilight and myself joining.

"Well, looks like we should get some sleep. Tomorrow's the Grand Galloping Gala." Twilight says and Spike and I nod our agreement. Preparing for that gala has been a trip.

"Well, before we sleep, why don't you tell us another story, Ned?" Spike asks as he rubs his eyes drearly.

"Sure. Why not?" I answer and motion for him to come over. The baby dragon trots over and plops down into my lap. Twilight levitates her books towards the shelves and scooches in closer.

I turn a page in the tome and cough.

"Alright, where did I leave off... oh right...

_ After leaving the land of Ismaros, terrible and destructive storms tore at Odysseus' ships. Eventually, after many forthdays and fortnights, they came upon land. Desperate to find solace from the storms, Odysseus and his men found shelter in a large cave, big enough to house the trojan horse and more. Once inside, they discover several herds of sheep. Twas an oddity for the cave did indeed appear to be inhabited, but the utilities were far larger than any. In fact, they were bigger than the whole body of any in Odysseus' crew._

_ Twas then that they encounter a grand cyclops~..._

I am socially awkward. Somewhat.

**A/N**

Well, finally finished this chapter off. Needed to get through the first season so I can get started on the rest of this story. I played a tribute to another mlp fic(Hands) and probably everyone can find it.

Anyway, I've now moved up from word pad to Google Doc. So hopefully no spelling errors.

Anyway, hope you enjoyed the read.

Please review. I would love to hear opinions on these.

Until next time,

LIVE FOR THE SWARM!


	6. Chapter 6

**I can be social. Probably. Maybe.**

* * *

Sleep is bliss. It is the natural way to get rest for the body. It is a time that one usually leaves all that is the world and embraces that of their subconscious. It is amusing that as a child, I hated to sleep. It was something that cut into the time of enjoyment. What a fool I was. I can now truly appreciate the gift that is sleep.

"Ned! Wake Up!"

Welp. Appreciation's over.

"What... I'm sleepy" I groggily say, "Spike needs his sleep too." the dragon on my stomach chimes.

"Come on! Today's the day!" Twilight shouts.

"Today is a day like any other day. I still like sleeping." I retort.

"Fine! I'll make you get up!"

Before I knew it, Spike and I were lifted into the air and then dropped unceremoniously in a heap. Effective way to get someone up. Reduces actual physical effort to rouse the victim. I'll have to return the favor someday, Twilight.

"Thank you, Twi. I needed to be dropped like a sack of apples."I muttered. Spike groaned alongside me.

"You're welcome, now let's get going, we a lot to do before the Grand Galloping Gala." She says as she trots down to the main room. Spike and I give one last lingering glance at our bed, (And I realize that as I write this, it sounds completely wrong) before following the strict unicorn. We find Twilight levitating a saddle sack onto herself. Spike climbs on to Twilight and I grab my black hoodie (Rarity has made several of them for me) and join them.

"Alright, lets get our tasks done and learn something!" Twilight cheers.

"Woooo..." Spike and I chorus. Wearily.

* * *

First few things on Twilight's list involved helping Cheerilee set up a stage for their talent show. Smokestack and I did most of the work with some help from various ponies (I think Caramel, Berry Punch, and Lucky Clover were among them). Afterwards, Smokestack had told me that there was a big order that he needed me to help him with. After slight arguing with Twilight, I managed to get out of her plans and help Smokes.

The order was primarily support braces which I learned are for the Apple Family's new barn. So lots of quality and work. Not like I didn't do good work, mind you. Big McIntosh came in to check up on our progress and Smokes persuaded the hick pony to help out. Not like we needed it though, for I managed to finish up the necessary braces fairly quickly. I then extended my services into installation. This led me to help out construct the barn. Smokestack didn't come along as he got another order to deal with. This led to a development I didn't learn until now. Smokestack has a daughter, Chimney Sweep. She was about near Applejack's size, dark gray skin, black mane, and a..well..chimney sweep cutie mark. The two of us helped out McIntosh and Applejack build up the new barn. It took slightly longer than I had planned mainly because my ever adorable follower, The Cutie Mark Crusaders, came to help.

It was disastrous to say the least. Well, at least it was all fixable.

Eventually the barn was finished (And in dire need of a paint job), and Chimney and I had to leave. We went separate ways as I needed to do something to cool off from such a busy day.

* * *

My breath is deep and slow.

My arms are strong and locked.

My feet are spread and dug-in.

The arrow is notched.

The string is taut.

Breathe in

Breathe out

Release

Zanshin

Visualize the target in the mind. Manifest the image of the mind into reality. Put forth your spirit into arrow release.

Make your dream into reality.

*Thud*

The arrow hits center. Like many times before, I have successfully managed to flow through the steps of kyudo. A hard process, but once I got the mentality down, it became natural. I wonder how that person would feel about this.

Probably tell me that I was lacking somewhere.

Once more I took stance and drew my arrow. There are several stages or steps to kyudo. Each one important.

Ashibumi - Footing

Dozukuri - Posture

Yugamae - Readying the bow

Uchiokoshi - Raising of the bow

Hikiwake - Drawing of the bow

Ka-"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" I immediately ease the tension of the of the string. I was surprised, but at least I got the swiftness to unnotch my bow. I turn to see Twilight and Spike coming out from the forest (Which reminds me, that manticore has yet to come after me...). Twilight has this expression on her face that displays her disappointment. Looks like I might get a scolding.

"Ned! Do you have any idea how long I've been looking for you?"

"No, but I can assume that it was longer than you wanted it to be."

"Yes! After building the stage for the talent show, we had to help Fluttershy and her animals, the Cakes at Sugarcube corner make cakes, and Rainbow get some frogs out of some ponies' yards. We could have used your help then."

"Well, I helped Smokes build braces for Applejacks new barn, then I helped her build up the new barn."

"Well, that could explain why Applejack didn't need our help earlier... But still, I still needed you for the others."

"You seem like you had it well in control. Making the braces was a rush job, so I sorta needed to cool down."

"This is how you cool down?"

"Yes, like I told Jack. This is something I like to do."

"Come on Ned. We got to get ready for the gala." I see a shimmer about myself and I knew that arguing would do nothing now. So I allow myself to be levitated, not like I could do anything about it anyway.

I probably never mentioned it, but the bow I made is primarily similar to one that anyone would find used by Native Americans. I would consider making a yumi, but I wasn't familiar in making bows... Books. Read them.

* * *

"Pinkie! Ned! Get off the trampoline!" Rarity shouts. I'm currently wondering where Pinkie got a trampoline, but decided to accept the walking oddity that is Pinkie Pie. Pinkie was doing flips while I attempted to only to curve into a faceplant.

Good time fun.

Faceplant.

I hate trampolines now.

Faceplant.

Really do.

Faceplant.

FLIP DAMN YOU.

Belly Flop. Thats slightly better.

"Pinkie, how are you doing flips...?" I ask

"Well, silly Neddy. You tuck and roll in the air! Silly." She says as she does exactly that. Dammit.

"You two must cease that jumping. I don't want you to sweat in your clothes." Rarity says. Oh right, there was something I was curious.

"Why did you have a trampoline, Pinkie?" I ask as I bounce once again. Pinkie flips over me.

"To...show...how...EXCITED...I...am!" She answers.

"Dears please!" Rarity chides us. She grabs us mid-bounce with her magic and settles us on the ground. There was Twilight settling before a book, trying to learn a new spell. Spike was munching down on some apples (probably from my stash, again), and Rarity is trying to get Pinkie and I to stop doing strenuous things (More like Pinkie though). Soon enough, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy joined us.

"Spike, place those apples here." Twilight says as she points Spike towards an open space. Spike does so and quickly dashes away. Twilight's horn begins to glow and before we knew it, she blasted the apple into an actual apple-themed carriage. Four greatly exaggerated wheels of white, a drivers seat in the front, and elaborated white windowed doors to the inside.

"...I get a feeling this is similar to a princess' story..." I whisper to myself.

"Okay! Fluttershy, did you bring them?" Twilight asks.

"Ah, yes. Now will they be safe?" Flutters asks. Fluttershy then reveals two mice that skitter over near the apple carriage.

"You have my word, Fluttershy." Twilight says as she prepares her spell.

Once more, the purple unicorn's horn glows before a beam shot out and enveloped the mice. Their forms obscured by magic, only their silhouettes remained. Slowly, but surely, they grew larger and formed into something equine in nature.

"Large white mouse horses with whiskers... That's just odd." My opinion was echoed by the others. Well, it turns out that Rarity brought along her cat.

Thinking about it, I should have expected what happened next.

Despite being giants and much more menacing than before, these horses were still mice.

Opalescence is a cat.

Cue giant mice horses running like the wind.

It was pretty funny.

"Oh dear." Flutters says.

"Wait! Come Back! Those horses are suppose to pull our carriage to the gala..." Twilight bemoans.

"Oh whatever shall we do?" Rarity moans out.

I take a gander about and notice a few stallions. More importantly, stallions that owe me big.

"Hey Caramel! Clover! (He shouts back, "CALL ME LUCKY!") Come over here." I call out to the two stallions. They trot over with curiosity (Agitation on Clover's behalf).

"What's up Neddit?" Caramel asks. Neddit? How many times are these ponies going to use nicknames I've already gathered... Nevermind.

"You guys wouldn't mind helping our lovely mares by pulling their carriage would you?" I offer as I present Twilight and the rest. Rarity seemed to catch on and proceeded to play her part. She was doing what I assumed was charming the two stallions. Crossing her front hooves and bowing her head seemed to do the work, though the hair flip and eye flutters were a bit overkill.

"Won't you boys~ help us out~?" She purrs. Rarity, that's just unnecessary.

The two stallions' heads nodded so fast, I had honestly feared for their necks.

"Well, that settles that. I'm going to go change." I say.

"Same here." Spike chimes as he follows.

"Ah, We shall be right back." Rarity adds. Wait...

"Rarity, you're not going to help. That's final." I scold the marshmallow.

"Nonsense, there are some attachments I would like to see on your suit." She counters.

"You can hand them to me and I'll see if they work with the suit." I offer. Please take it Rarity.

"Oh, but darling, you wouldn't know where they're suppose to go." She rebukes. Dammit.

"Hey Rarity, what are you and Ned arguing about?" No. Pinkie stay out of it.

"Ned is being stubborn, he just doesn't want me to help him with his suit" Rarity explains.

"I'm perfectly fine with the suit, I can put it on just fine. Rarity"

"Oh, but my accessories can make it even better!"

"Oh silly Neddy! You should just let Rarity do it! I'll help you Rarity!" No no no no. Not fair.

"Thank you Pinkie. Now let's have at it!" Rarity says

"Yes! Hey Neddy...Wait!... Why are you running!?" Pinkie calls out.

"I think you may have traumatized him." I hear Spike say as I continue my retreat.

* * *

"Come on! Let me in!" Spike begs beside me. The two of us are on the driver's seat of the carriage. Caramel and Clover (Call me LUCKY!) are in front of us pulling the carriage.

"Sure thing Spike." I hear Dashie answer. Well, looks like the dragon might get a peek of what I would assume is adolescent heaven in this world. Wow, that sounds so wrong in concept.

"Oh heavens no. We are changing." I hear Rarity snap... Hold the phone.

"Oh now you're playing the changing card!" I shout back.

"Well, of course, we, ponies, have standards." She cuts back.

"And what about earlier? To you and Pinkie violating that rule against me?" I ask. I may be slightly agitated.

"Oh, I believe it is because you are not a pony." Ow. Double standards.

"Beg pardon, but...uh... Rarity..but we don't usually wear clothes." Thank you Jack. Finally, somepony with some sense.

"Ugh. Pardon, but some of us have standards." Rarity falls back to that 'standards' policy of hers.

"Trouble in paradise city..." I mutter.

"I still can't believe we are coming back to Canterlot! It's our hometown, Twilight. And the best part is that we are going to we are all going to hang out all night long!" Spike is very excited. I pat the dragon's head. He beams up to me.

"Uh...I-I don't know, Spike." Rainbow says. Uh oh.

"We'll have to see." Rarity adds. Double Uh oh.

"We're going to be a mite busy." Jack chimes in. Triple Uh oh.

"Busy having fun!" Pinkie as well. Spaghetti oh.

"Uh... okay." Damn, the dragon deflates with each of their answers. I rub his head once more, and he looks back at me.

"I'll be with you, don't you worry about that Spike." I answer his silent question. He smiles brightly.

"Don't worry, Spike. We'll spend some time together tonight." Twilight attempts to make Spike feel better, and it works. The dragon is radiating joy once more.

"Great! Cause I planned out my insider's tour of Canterlot. I've gotta show Rarity the crown jewels. And Applejack the Princess's golden apple tree. And Pinkie, we gotta go to my favorite donut shop. Then let's get moving! Hyah!" Spike snaps the reigns from my hands and cracks the straps. This causes both stallions to neigh surprised.

"Hey! What's the big idea?" Caramel snaps.

"Oh...sorry." Spike whimpers.

"You're lucky you are friends with both Miss Rarity and Neddit," Clover (Call me Lucky Dammit!) warns.

We are all on our way to Canterlot for the gala. I can see grand lights in the distance. I can safely assume that they were from the gala. I can guess that we are only minutes away.

The mares are in the carriage getting changed (More like dressed in most of their cases) for the occasion. Spike is wearing a baby tuxedo and it suits him perfectly. I am sporting my dark blue gakuran. Rarity and Pinkie force upon me, earlier, a small dark blue cloak that attaches to my left shoulder and covers my left side. Alongside the cloak, I am given a white braided cord that loops around my right shoulder. I'm not quite sure what it was suppose to signify, but it did look good. Reminds me of my time in that ROTC class back in high school...

"I'm so excited!" Spike mutters.

"I can tell Spike." I state.

"Can't we get there faster?" He asks.

"Grow some wings or offer Caramel and Clover (You are just mean!) incentive to go faster." I offer. The dragon deflates.

"Uh... I'll get you guys doughnuts!" The dragon attempts weakly.

"Yea, no." Immediately shot down.

"Might want to distract yourself, it passes the time faster." I told the dragon.

"With what? Not much to do from here." Very true.

"Alright. I'll do this just once. For you, Spike." I bring on my hands to clear my throat. I may have been slightly inspired by prievious attempts. I begin to snap the reigns against the wood of our seat. Building a rhythm.

"Okay...

_~I was walking down the street,_

_when out the corner of my eye,_

_I see a pretty lil thing approaching me~_

_She said, 'I've never seen a man,_

_who looks so alone. _

_Oh could you use a little company~_

_And if you pay the right price_

_your evening will be nice_

_or you can go and send me on my way~_

_I said ' you're such a sweet young thing,_

_why do you do this to yourself? _

_She looked at me and said~_

'_There ain't no rest of the wicked~_

_money don't grow on trees_

_I got bills to pay_

_Mouths to feed_

_Ain't nothing in this world for free~_

_No I can't slow down_

_I can't hold back_

_You know I wish I could~_

_No there ain't no rest for the wicked~_

_Until we close our eyes for good~_

I tap my foot and increase the tempo to the snaps. I made sure that the snaps wouldn't bother the two stallions. My head was bobbing to the rhythm.

I noticed that Spike was bobbing as well with this look in his eyes. Eyes focused on me by the way. I would hazard a guess, but I'd say it was admiration. Hopefully. Turns out that both Caramel and Lucky (Thank you!) were looking back at me. I turn my head to see that the mares were sticking their heads out the windows of the carriage, giving me that rare look. Surprise all around.

"Whut..." I ask everyone.

"Didn't expect you to actually sing" Caramel says.

"I didn't think you can sing." Clover (NO!) quips

"I don't usually sing because I can't sing." I say.

"Well, that was pretty good." Twilight says. Really now?

"Quite the voice. A little more work on high notes and you'll be just dandy." Rarity comments.

"Well...thanks I guess. By the way. We're here."

No seemed to notice, but myself. We came over a hill and we were now before a grand castle. There were dozens of other ponies flooding towards it. Some by wings, some by carriages, and some just by foot. It was a sight to behold. There were even spotlights all around.

"Whoa. That is a lot of ponies." I comment as we pull into a drop-off before the castle. Spike and I disembark the carriage, I tell Caramel and Clover (For the love of Equestria!) to park the carriage with the rest, and that their suits were in the driver seat. Before they proceeded to follow my suggestions. The mares finally reveal themselves.

"Wow, you all look amazing!" Spike states.

"I'm inclined to agree. You all look beautiful." I was being serious. I even bowed before them.

"Why thank you boys,"Twilight struts before the rest, "I can't believe we are finally here. With all that we've imagined, the reality of this night is sure to make this... the best night ever!" She finishes.

Oh looky, we're about to break into song... Not going to join on this one... nope. nope. nope.

* * *

"Stop being so catchy..." I muttered to myself.

"Yeah! This is going to be the best night ever! You know why? Cause we're all going to spend the night to...gether? Or not." Spike deflates at the end as the gir-mares split up to their own devices. I pat the dragon's head once more.

"This is suppose to be the night we spend together..." he whispers.

"Don't worry about it Spike. They'll come around to it. For now, you got me. Let's go see what their serving." I urge the dragon to move along. Spike took me on a tour of the castle. We came across the kitchens, which we both terrorized for pies and sweets. Afterwards, we came into the gardens where we found Applejack and her stand.

"Hows the sales Jack?" I ask the orange pony. She gives me a defeated look.

"Well I made one sale in the first minute, but haven't made a sale in the second minute, or the third, fourth...fortieth..." She trails off.

"I understand Jack. Spike you hungry?" The dragon nods. I smile and dig into my pockets. I produce several golden coins, these are bits of Equestria.

"We'll take a pie and a few fritters." I tell Jack and drop the coins into her box.

"Aww shucks. You guys didn't have to pay. I would have covered ya'll." She says as she gives us the pie and apple fritters.

"It's all for the family and the farm, right?" Jack nods. "Then I'll happily pay, Jack." I tell her.

We left shortly after, I told Jack that she could probably do better indoors. But then again, there was a free buffet...

Oh well.

Spike and I went to the library. Why? Mainly because what Twilight said. I was majorly curious.

"So... Puff the magic dragon?" I ask.

"Right in one." Puff answers. He was about four or five feet tall, gray scales with really small wings. He had silver eyes and short snout like Spike. Along with the scales, he has a puke yellow underbelly. All in all, nothing like I expected.

"Wow..." I really had no idea what else to say. I was just speechless. It wasn't that "so awesome I can't talk" speechless, but that "this is just plain weird and stupid" kind of speechless.

"Yes, now is there something I can help you with?" Puff asks. And I swear he does puff out a bit of smoke as he talks.

"No, just looking around. Getting a feel of the castle." I say.

"Yea, I'm giving him a grand tour of my hometown." Spike answers.

"Ah, then enjoy your visit." The gray dragon spouts out another cloud. Spike and I leave the library, I wasn't quite in the mood to grab a book and read somewhere.

The two of us spend our time wandering the castle, we met a couple of other party guests, but they were all pretty snobby. Some took interest in myself, mainly because of my odd appearance, but once the initial effect of being different wore off, consider these ponies done and gone.

"Spike, come on. You've been moping since the start of the gala." I egg on the little dragon. He had been a bit on the downside of things. I've been the one keeping up our conversations when we met up with the other ponies.

"I just thought that we would be spending tonight with everyone." Spike says. I frown, mainly because I am irritated. However, I can't just scold Spike about this.

"It'll get better mate. Let's go grab a bite back at the kitchen." I offer the dragon.

"Alright, hopefully they found some gems by now."

"I highly doubt it."

The two of us came through the ballroom for it was the shorter path to the kitchen. We happen to be right in time for the the Pony Pokey apparently. All of the Canterlot elite could only stare at the eccentric creature that is Pinkie Pie, and Spike and I couldn't blame them. Wait, yes we can. These ponies are all snobbish and no idea how to have fun. We continued well on our way to the kitchen. There were no gems. Spike got sad.

Time to do something incredibly stupid.

"Ned, that isn't smart." Spike is eyeing me carefully. The two of us just left the kitchen and I happen to procure (read: stolen) a large silver tray from the counters.

"The world is built upon unintelligent decisions, this is just me following tradition." I offer the dragon some sense. It wasn't good sense, but it gave some context. Spike already informed me that he wanted to leave the gala and go to an old place he goes to. I decided that leaving without doing something worthwhile at such a grand party is just nonsense. So I took the liberty of doing said worthwhile thing.

Which involves a tray, a railing, and slight case of the stupid.

Oh looky, I found the perfect one.

"Ned, I got a ba-"

"You worry too much for a dragon. Besides, its just going to be me getting hurt. You'll get a kick out of it." I tell the dragon before I transition from walking to running. I increase my pace and hold out the tray, my cloak is billowing in the draft.

Ten steps remaining.

Alright, if I truly attempt this I have to get the angle right and the tray placed properly.

Eight steps remaining.

If I don't do it right, I'll fudge it up and probably break something.

Six steps remaining.

Oh dear. If I mess up, this will be a grand flop. Maybe I shouldn't go through.

Four steps remaining.

Ah crap, don't think about it. You can't chicken out now. Do it. Do it for Spike.

Two steps remaining.

Don't do for Spike! Do it for... NARNIA!

No steps remaining.

JUMP!

And I did so. Leading with my left foot, I bend both knees to bring my feet closer to my body in order to clear the rise of the railing. I bring the tray down once I cleared the railing, bringing it down under my feet. I notice that this staircase is actually the entrance hall staircase. How do I know? Because Twilight and the princess were at the bottom of the steps.

Oh this is going to be swell.

I vaguely make out that Spike is shouting after me. Too late dragon-born. The tray makes contact with the railing and my feet force the connection further. I recall a memory of only riding a skateboard once. I never could do anything on it. I felt my face drain of warmth and color. This was such a bad idea.

However, I have already slid down several feet. Nothing has gone south yet. Elation begins to seep into my mood. I could feel a smile spreading across my lips. I see that there is a line before the princess. Looks like guests are lining up to meet with the princess. Oh, theres another set of steps before the princess. These stairs are like those steps that rise, meet a platform, and then split off to different wings. Nice. Oh, looks like Twilight and the princess have just noticed something odd. That oddity being me. I would wave, but I'm busy not breaking something.

Twilight's eyes widen in fear with a slight hint of a scolding edge. Princess Celestia's widen in surprise and there was that strange gleam to her eyes once more. The other guests look in my direction and could only choose between gasping or screaming. A good portion chose the latter.

In a feat of dexterity and strength I know that I don't possess, I manage to grab a post by the end of the railing, grip the tray, and swing around the post onto another railing of the final steps.

It was exhilarating and scary as hell.

It made me question the reality of this world once again.

I kick off the railing as I near the end of it. I hit the main floor running and look back to see Spike dashing down the steps. Everyone else? They are standing still, some still screaming, and all of them are looking at me.

"I can't believe I sur-"

"That was sooooooooo AWESOME!" Spike shouts out as he reaches me. He had his hands balled up under his chin and his eyes bore adoration.

"Glad that cheered you up mate." I smile as I turn towards the door. "So... doughnuts?"

The dragon nods his head erratically and the two of us leave the gala.

I may have been strutting like I owned the place... May have.

* * *

Spike and I may have binged a tad on doughnuts. What can I say, I like powdered doughnuts.

"Another doughnut! With extra sprinkles!" Spike calls out, dear lord, is he getting drunk on doughnuts?

"I'll take a glass of cow milk please." I still haven't gotten over the whole Milkmare incident.

"Coming right up. You should ease up abit Spike." Pony Joe says. Pony Joe is a light yellow stallion with a tan curly mane hidden under a small white with red stripes bakers cap. He sports a matching shirt.

"More sprinkles." Is all the stallion gets.

"Alright. Oh hey! Twilight Sparkle, good to see you again!" I hear the stallion call out. Spike and I turn to see that Twilight and the rest of the girls have showed up in. Some of them (primarily Fluttershy) look disheveled.

"Hey, how was the ga-"

"Oh this looks like a story that has to be told." I interrupt Spike as I offer the girls some space by the table.

Twilight begins to scratch her front leg nervously. "Hehehehe, well... let's start it off with..."

Some moments later.

"Wow, that sounds like the worst night ever." Spike comments.

"Well... can't say I expected it." I add on.

"Well, I just hope that the princess isn't upset that we ruined the gala." Twilight noticed I raised my hand to catch her attention. I then point behind her. She turns and yelps.

"That was the most entertaining Grand Galloping Gala ever!" Celestia says as she approaches the table. The expressions on everyone's face deems that this was unexpected.

"Pardon me princess, but tonight was just awful." Twilight counters, "The gala has always been awful, Twilight." Celestia points out. "It has?" Twilight asks, "Oh yes, that is why I was thrilled to have you and your friends come. I was hoping you all would make it a little more exciting. I'm sure you'll agree that tonight isn't so bad for this group of friends." The princess states.

"You know shes right. Spending time with friends tend to make nights like this one a whole lot better." I add. Twilight gives me a look. "And what about that stunt you pulled back there?" She asks in a scolding tone. "What stunt?" Rainbow chimes in. I've been noticing some strange stares from that pegasus since the Young Flyers competition. "Oh, just the most awesomest of stunts of all of Equestria!" Spike says proudly as he strikes a pose. I could only smile at the praise. "One of which, Neddy didn't actually believe he could do. It was quite the sight." That was from Pinkie... wait. "How in the world did you know that I didn't believe I could do it?" I ask the pink anomaly. "Oh I read the story, silly." How can she deliver that so straight-faced!

Ignoring the anomaly, Twilight continues. "You're right, princess. Friends do have a way of making the worst of things better."

"Yeah! Like hanging out." Dashie

"Laughing" Pinkie

"Talking" Flutters

"You just like what I wanted to do the entire time?" Spike chides.

"Yes, Spike. You were right." Twilight concedes to Spike.

"As horrible as our night was.." Jack starts.

"...being together with our friends has made it better." Rarity finishes.

"Infact, its made this - the best night ever!" Twilight and Pinkie add on.

The lot of us laughed. Then Spike yawns.

"That may have been one doughnut too many buddy." I tell the dragon, who yawns again.

"Well, it has gotten late. Oh dear, do Clover(I can hear "CALL ME LUCKY" in the distance) and Caramel haven't gotten to distressed." Rarity says worried.

"Well, chances are they are probably at an inn for tonight. We should probably find one ourselves." I offer.

"Oh that won't be necessary. You all can stay at the castle." Celestia brushes away our worries. Oh sweet. I'm gonna sleep in a castle!

* * *

We were all back in the castle of Canterlot. Twilight and Rarity are both talking to Celestia and the rest of us were following in good silence. Well, most of us.

"So Nedster, what was this about a stunt that was the stunt of all stunts?" Dashie asks. "Well, it involves a tray, a railing, and a lack of self preservation." I answer. "And a whole load of awesome." Spike adds. Dashie gave me a look. "Show me.", "Well, we need a railing and-", "Alright, then let's go back to the main hall.", "Hey, hold on Dashie. I didn't agree to thi-", "Move it Nedster!" The two of us continue to throw back and forth until we arrived at the staging ground.

Yea, we separated from the rest of the group.

"Dash, I'm not quite sure I can replicate the trick." I object weakly.

"None sense, any trick can be performed twice." She counters.

"Yea this one is one of those rare exceptions." I counter her counter.

"Horse apples, Nedster."

"This isn't like your sonic rainboom, Dashie."

"Hey, I only performed that one twice."

"Yea, I know."

"And if I could do that, you can do this."

"Not going to happen."

"Yes, yes it is." She says before shoving a silver tray in my hands. The hall was empty, but still lit up. For my earlier misconceptions of this world, it seems that they do have electricity. Odd. I've always wondered how they would change their light bulbs. And for that matter, who runs the power companies?

"Dashie... you know what, fine." I give up against her stubborn nature. Better comply before she does something more idiotic. With a whoop from Dash, I run towards the railing banister once more.

Ten steps.

Alright, let's do this just like before.

Eight steps.

It looked easy the first time.

Six steps.

No it didn't, it was hard as hell.

Four steps.

Shtako, this isn't going to go well.

Two steps.

Fierfeck, don't jump!

No steps.

Ah, crap.

The moment I cleared the railing, I knew something was wrong. Despite the fact that I already knew that, I still tried to make the best of it. The tray was under my feet already, and about to make contact with the railing surface. Perhaps I went to far in the jump, maybe I got the tray placed incorrectly, or maybe I landed on the tray wrong, but things went sour pretty fast.

"Ah, damn." was all I could let out before a series of crashes, groans, and grunts followed. First, the tray went lop-sided. Second, my groin met the railing. Third, despite already falling, the tray assisted the railing in my groin assault. Fourth, I hit the post at the end of the steps, which clipped me quite well to knock me off the railing. Fifth and finally, there was the awkward landing at the mid-platform of the steps.

To summarize it all. Ow. Long version? Oooooowwwwwwwwwwwww.

"Ned! Are you alright?!" It should probably look obvious Dashie.

"Yea, just peachy down here. Might have dislocated something." I say as I cup my family jewels. Gods that hurt. I felt something press against me before flipping me over. I see Dash with a slightly worried expression.

"You look alright to me..." Dashie seemed to trail off. She was giving me that weird look again. Her eyes locked with my own. Her front hooves pressed into my chest. I was getting a weird vibe here. We were silent, only the sounds of our breathing could be heard.

"Dash," I wasn't comfortable with this, "You mind getting off?"

The pegasus didn't seem to notice I said something.

"Ned..." After a short while, she finally said something. "Do you have a special somepony?"

Special somepony? As in a good friend or...

"No..." I chance my answer. Flags were raising in my head. I extremely worried why.

"Then consider this an open invitation." Oh no.

Before I could do anything, the blue pegasus lowered and claimed my lips.

My limbs didn't move

They couldn't move

The world stood still

My mind couldn't comprehend what had just happened. For what I believe were minutes, all I could do was lay there and receive a lip-lock from a pony. Correction, a pegasus. How does this even work. Two completely separate species. How does one see the other in any sense attractive. It just doesn't work. I don't suddenly see rabbit in the yard and get urges to go to town on it. A pony shouldn't even see a human as anything, but a fellow inhabitant of it's world. Yet here I am, currently mid-smooch with that of the flying equine race. This world needs more context and a set of rules, laws, or whatever people or ponies or dragons or whatever would follow more.

Eventually, the pegasus ceased her actions. She lifted off my person, blushed (Again, how), and quickly sped off.

"What. The. Hell." Not a question. Merely a statement.

"I was wondering where you went off to." I turn my head to see the white mare that is Princess Celestia. I'm suddenly curious on how long has she been standing there. There was that strange gleam in her eyes, though.

"If you do not mind, I have a matter I wish to discuss with you, Ned Delostrinos." She says. I assume that we would not be talking about what had just occurred. I lift myself to my feet and turn to follow the alicorn. She steps down a hall and I walk up by her side.

I am so confused.

* * *

"What is it you would like to discuss?" I ask the ruler of Equestria. We eventually came to a stop in, what I could assume, an observatory. There was a large glass dome in the ceiling, stained glass on the walls, and elaborate equine-related designs on the floor. Various banners lined the wall.

"There is something that has come to my attention and I require a service of you." Celestia says cooly. Now this is getting weirder.

"Services?"

"Yes, you have spoken to my sister about various creatures that you have seen in the Everfree Forest."

"Yes, I did. Creatures not currently seen in any of your bestiaries."

"Well, under those suspicions, I have sent a small team of my trusted subjects to investigate." There was more to this story. I nod to allow the princess to continue.

"I sent them five days ago. I have yet to receive word from them. I fear things may have become complicated."

"You wish for me to learn the fate of your subjects?" I could see where this was going.

"Yes. To my belief, they may have gone past the Everfree. There is another forest just beyond. I would suggest starting a search there."

"Now, let's not get ahead of ourselves. I have yet to agree." The princess's eyes narrow.

"Oh?"

"Now while it is terrible that your team has yet to return, it is of none of my concern to risk my own life to learn of their fates." I'm not going to chance my life on this princess.

"That is unfortunate." Her eyes never lost that gleam.

"I thank you for considering me, but I just don't see the po-"

"Ponyville would be in danger." I stopped. Why would she say that?

"I'm sorry?"

"Whatever is in that forest will eventually come to Ponyville." She begins to pace about. "A threat that none of my soldiers are familiar with." She begins to circle me. "Creatures that haven't been seen for nearly over a millennia have appeared. Only you, myself, and my sister are familiar with these beasts." She stands before me, her eyes locking with my own. "My sister and I have our duties here. We cannot drop our responsibilities on what we do not know. I can only ask of you."

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

"Ponyville needs you, Ned. Your friends need you. Will you not help them?" She asks. I'll give Celestia one thing, she definitely knows how to be regal and authoritative.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

"I have only a bow, princess." I have conceded to her cause.

"I have a sword for you." Celestia's horn glows and there is a flash. Out of the ether, floating before me is a gleaming white blade. It is a short sword of probably four to five feet length. It is roughly seven to eight inches wide, and there is purple runes along the flat of the blade. The hilt is wrapped in red leather and bears a tassel of red. At the end of the blade and just above the hilt guard, there is an insignia of a sun decal. Turns out the other side of the blade bears another insignia, this time of the moon.

Celestia levitates the blade into my hands. It isn't too heavy, I would guess around fifteen or twenty pounds. She tend produces a scabbard. The sheath is gray and bears violet runes down its surface. I am also given the scabbard.

"I'm honored, princess, but I don't know how to use a sword." I say as I sheath the blade. This is mostly true because all of my knowledge on sword fighting comes from, well, tv shows and cartoons.

"I'm sure that when the time is dire, you will gain the necessary skills." Now what the hell does that mean?

"I'm not sure I follow, princess?"

"You will know when the time comes." Really?

"This is a lot of faith you're putting in me, princess."

"I am sure that you will succeed at the task. All of Equestria depends on it." Oh, no pressure then.

"This is a lot to take in."

"Do not worry, the blade is enchanted. It shall purge any evil and will always guide you in darkness." Ok, so effective against monsters and has a bright light attachment. This is getting better and better. What's next? A bag of holding?

"Now young Ned, retire for the night. You have a quest to embark on and I wouldn't want you to be tired at the first step." From there, Celestia points me in the direction of the wing that everyone else is staying at.

Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. I just agreed to risk my life at something out of a role-playing game. Where is a wise-cracking archer when I need one... oh wait. I guess I fall under that category...

This is going to be weird.

* * *

The ceiling is dark. The room is dark. The sky is dark. It is bloody night, of course everything is dark. I look out the window of the bedroom I'm sleeping in. The moon is high in the sky and there are stars a plenty.

I've been tossing and turning in my bed (A bed that fits me!) for about a few hours. The whole investigation thing is wrecking my mind. I'm wondering what I would find. I'm hoping I just find a team of ponies that were just lost. Thing is, I highly doubt Celestia would ask for my assistance if was just that. Something must have happened. She probably didn't tell me all the details. Dammit. Why did she have to emphasize the threat on Ponyville?

I sit up in the bed. This isn't going to work. I know something is going to happen on this thing. I can just feel it. I should probably tell Celestia that I-

"Hey Ned, are you awake?" I look towards the door of the room. That sounded like Twilight.

"Uh... yea."

"Can we come in?" We?

"Sure." The door opens to reveal Twilight and Spike. The two walk in (Well Twilight walks, Spike was currently riding her) and close the door.

"How can I help you guys?" I ask.

"Well, Spike here is having trouble sleeping..." Ah, I see.

"Sure, you two wanna come up then?" Both pony and dragon nod. Spike yawns once more and it is contagious as I join him. The two of them climb onto the bed and snuggle in. Spike takes his usual spot on my stomach and Twilight lays herself in the crook of my right arm. I place my right hand on Twilight's back and rest my head once more on the pillows.

"Comfy?" I ask.

"Yep." They answer.

"Goodnight Spike. Sleep well, Twilight."

"Goodnight Ned. Goodnight, Twilight."

"Sleep well, Ned. Sleep tight, Spike."

And like that, I no longer question why I should do this.

I am socially awkward. Definitely.

* * *

**A/N**

Welp. This chapter took some time. I rushed the gala part and I apologize for that. I wasn't quite sure how I was suppose to play that one out, but I guess it is what it is. Anyway, things are a changing. No this isn't a clopfic. I will do what I can to avoid that. I chose my genre for a reason. Anyway, let me know what you guys liked and didn't like. Tell me where I can improve and what went well.

Diaries of a Madman. I may be using you for inspiration. Now if only you would stop being so damn evil...

Until next time.

THIS IS SPARTA!


	7. Chapter 7

I can be social

* * *

"Now, Zecora, what exactly do each of these do?" I ask the zebra Mohawk as I raise various vials. There was a multitude of colors to each one and I wasn't quite sure if I was even safe carrying these.

"Each concoction carries different effects, so listen well to each subjects." I swear she does that just to mess with others.

"To cure your wounds, choose red. That way, you will not end up dead." Yea, she really loves doing that.

"For when something has poisoned you, green will be that which cures you." That's cheating, Zecora.

"Yellow is a particular fellow, caution for it bears an explosion." Now that's just fuc- wait. what?

"Explosions?"

"Yes, would you like to test?" HOW! DOES! SHE! DO! THAT!

Rather than let this rhyme master that could give both Mr. Rogers and Doctor Suess a run for their money continue, we both exit the zebra's hut to see what these yellow vials really are. Despite the fact that Zecora lives deep in the Everfree forest, there are some parts here that are clear of trees. An odd thing for such a haphazard forest. Not too far from her abode, Zecora and I enter one of these clearings.

There was a hay mannequin near the center, oddly shaped human. I leveled a look at the zebra, who apparently takes it in stride as she leads me closer to the center of the clearing, there were some bales of hay strung about.

"Someone planned this test out..." I say as the zebra places several vials of various colors upon a bale of hay.

"A test for your tools, so you would not be caught a fool." She slips through her lips so easily. She carefully arranges the vials so that they are organized. I still have yet to learn how these ponies grasp things with their hooves, but then again that is but a nitpick against more important things. Like how Zecora knows how to make these potions.

"You wouldn't happen to have magic skills now, would you?"

"A unicorn, I am not. But in all of us, magic trots." Ah... I have no idea what she meant there.

"Right. So, what kind of explosion does this make anyway?" I turn the test tube with a cork on top containing the yellow liquid about. It swishes silently within. So far, it seems pretty stable.

"Against flesh and plant alike, it shall deliver a powerful strike."

After a moment of Zecora and I moving bales of hay to make an impromptu bomb shelter, I stood several feet away from the hay dummy. I gave the zebra a glance, maybe she'll stop me and say this is a bad idea, and then I throw the vial.

Perhaps there was something quite hard underneath all that hay because that vial shattered quite easily. Oh, it also vaporized the dummy.

Yea.

I was surprised.

And salivating.

Mostly surprised.

The moment the vial broke against the target, there was this distortion. I believe it would be a shockwave that bent light. It rippled out and along with the waves, the dummy convulsed apart into pulverized strands. The ground bore evidence of the shockwave as there were dust clouds of dirt kicked up. Along with all this visual distortion came the audible boom to the ears. My ears popped and there was an annoying ringing in my sound-holes. The little dust in the air settled and I turned towards the zebra, digging into my ear with my pinky.

"What in bloody hell was that?" My voice sounds distorted.

"A concoction that causes concussion, an ability to distort used as a last resort." That actually makes some sense. Some.

"How did you accomplish this?"

"A concoction that can be known as Triton, when mixed well can take down even a titan." For sure.

"Alright. I assume that these vials are somewhat hard to break?" If they are too fragile, I am not carrying those with me.

"I I have a case for the vials. You would not need to worry."

"Hey, you didn't rhyme there. I knew you could speak normally."

"Speaking in iambic pentameter, not always a parameter."

"Now you're just fcukin' with me."

Zecora resumed her list of vials that she has given me. She apparently has been making plenty of these concoctions and just storing them. They were never something she planned on using, but created as so to satisfy the mystery behind each mixture. She was genuinely happy that I was going to field test the lot of them. I got a satchel from her that had a hard case inside for the vials. It was designed that it would be easy for me to reach in and grab a vial (If i practice, I could get what I need without looking) without worrying about any of the vials falling out.

"Hey, Zecora." I interrupt the zebra's monologue about the process of making her potions.

"Would you happen to know anything about a group of royal soldiers passing by?"

"What purpose would soldiers have in these parts, is there something brewing before Nightmare's eve's starts?" I shake my head and spread a map across one of her tables.

"Well, the princess has sent a group of her most trusted followers here to investigate a strange occurrence here." I point towards a section of the map, an edge of the Everfree forest. "Surprisingly, this area hasn't been properly documented or even searched. So the princess wants me to see what happened to her subjects."

"Ah, a place even some of the more ferocious of beast never wander, for it is beyond what this forest holds secret and ill wonders." Zecora gives me a contemplative look before glancing back to the map.

"Would you happen to know how to get to the edge faster? I would like to avoid complications along the way." I really don't want to be attacked by the manticore, He has yet to make a move since that last time. I'm getting a little paranoid.

"There is a dirt path that winds from the back, it shall lead you to the edge if you stay on track."

"Thank you, hopefully I don't get mauled to death later. Take care until next time"

I waved my farewells and left the zebra's hut. It was roughly late morning as the forest was still on the dim side. Spring air breezes by and I tug my coat closer to my body. I really have to hand it to Rarity for making this.

Rough leather formed from the bear I killed a couple weeks back made my coat. It was dark brown and did pretty well in fending off cold and water. It is a bit on the thick side, but it did nothing to hamper my mobility. Underneath the bear coat, I wore a thick white tunic of nothing significant, but it was warm. I would have gone with slacks today, but I decided against it. Instead, I went with brown breeches. I wore dark brown leather boots that are a true masterpiece by Rarity, they were sealed tight, waterproof, and fit snug. My bow was tight against my back with the bow string gripping me across my front, the sword that Celestia gifted me is secure in its scabbard attached to my belt, and the satchel of my necessities was strapped to my shoulder and secured against my belt. Can't be too careful when one is carrying several vials of explosives and combustibles.

Especially that last one.

How did Zecora get wildfire?

* * *

I've never really liked the Everfree forest. I'm sure I've gotten this message across a few ponies several times. Nearly everything in this place wants to kill me. Though, so far only the manticore wants to do so, but I'll safely assume that everything else wants to follow suite.

With what wants to kill me aside, the forest isn't too bad actually. There were a plethora of fauna that were appealing to the eyes. Some cater some extravagant smells, but then again some of them are deadly to inhale in some amounts. Its fairly quiet with the occasional white noise of animal noises and wind. There are some hillside clearings within the forest that offer a nice view of the land. So yea, the Everfree forest isn't a screaming, slithering, slimy, death zone.

It has its benefits.

Hey, it's starting to rain. I've always liked rain. Not to be melodrama-

Why does the rain taste like chocolate milk?

Once again, this world does wonders to my preconceptions.

Oh well.

~_Chocolate Rain!_

_Some stay dry and others feel the pain_

_Chocolate Rain!_

_A baby born will die before the sin~_

A loud howl drags me from my fit of song. My eyes quickly dart across the sides of the path. That sounded pretty close. Damn, I knew my singing would be the end of me. I increase my pace down the path, best to get out of this forest sooner. With each step taken, the beating of my heart quickens. Every so often, the howls would return, each one closer than the last. Eventually, there was going to be a climax to this tension.

That would be the the source of the howling leaping onto the path.

It was big. Much bigger than I imagined. White fur, maybe silver fur. Large paws and long legs. It easily matched my height. A long snout that carried a large mouth of sharp teeth. Yellow eyes locked onto my own. By all that was holy.

It's a dire wolf. A big one at that.

"Ah, fudgenuggets." I was truly drawing a blank on to what to actually say in this situation. I mean, yea I've seen dire wolves before, but they were in movies. To the best of my ability to tell, this was a legitimate dire wolf in front of me. It howled once more and to my worsening morale, a few more distant howls responded.

I need to go.

Now.

I immediately dash off the path and into the fauna-filled forest. I could hear the footfalls of the wolf giving chase. Leaping over roots, hopping through bushes, winding through vines, and sliding under overhangs seem to do the trick of putting some distance between me and the wolf, but not much.

Its ragged breath steams against my neck. It exhales vibrate within my ears. It's honed eyes burn into the back of my head. I really could do without that on my mind.

I could see a bright light beyond the trees. There was the edge. I directed myself towards the light. I felt the beast follow suite easily. My breath laboured and sweat dotted my body.

Just as I was about to clear the forest, I felt something snag into the back of my coat. A force lifted me off my feet and launched me forward. To my horror, I realized that the wolf had just taken a bite at me and caught my coat. He had me in his maw, but we were moving too fast coming out of the forest. Chocolate rain was still falling and the ground was muddy, the wolf and I were sliding. Just out of the forest was a ledge, we flew over said ledge.

The jaw of death released me as we tumbled down the hillside. We rolled and rumbled in the muddy slope. I had a huge fear that the vials on my person would burst in all of this rolling. As the sky with pink clouds and the dirty muddy ground constantly switched positions, the wolf and I eventually came to a halt. This cease to our rolling came to be as we apparently sloshed into a swamp. Or perhaps it was a marsh.

Finally free from the beast's fangs, I swim to the surface to catch some much needed air. It was then I realized that the water wasn't that deep. I stand up to take stock of the situation: the water level was about my chest height, it was brown and murky, and that wolf just broke the surface just a few feet away from me. It roars at me before howling to the skies. Unfortunately for me, it was answered and when I looked to the top of the steep hillside, there was a pack of the dire wolves.

Luckily, they had the common sense not to leap down the steep slope and promptly ran off to probably find a safer route. Nice, but that still leaves me with one wolf that is more than eager to take a bite out of me.

Its eyes met my own. Yellow met brown. It roared

And something just brushed past my leg.

My body went still. What creature could be in these waters. Marshlands, or is this a swamp? A snake monster or perhaps a river kraken? Hopefully, it only responds to movement or sounds.

The wolf lowered itself in preparation to lunge. I really didn't know what to do.

Do I stay still to avoid being taken by whatever's in the water?

Or do I move out of the way of a predator lunge?

My answer came when the beast took to the air. It only clears a few feet ascension before a small figure also leaps out of the water and collides with the wolf. Their trajectory changes and more figures pop out of the water and cling to the wolf. I felt more things brush past me.

We definitely disturbed a pod of whatever lives in these marshes.

The wolf continues to thrash about, trying to rid itself of these creatures. There was no better time to make my exit. Swiping away my fears of being dragged down, I began to trudge through the murky depths. Each step was emphasized by the wolf's continued plight. Eventually, I made it to the water's edge. I grip the grass and dirt and pull myself out of the water.

Oh, something just grabbed my leg.

I was plunged into the bile water and a humanoid figure came upon me. My fist shot out and hammered the side of the creature's head, I would presume. It drove that away to my side, I looked down towards my leg only to see beady black eyes staring right back. I brought up my free leg and slammed it down on those eyes. Whatever clung to my leg was now no longer doing so.

With desperation clinging to my muscles, I took to the surface. I broke the water medium and quickly scrambled over the grassy mound out of the marsh. I made sure I was a good distance away from the water before finally slumping down on my back. I took breathes that were very much needed. I took a curious glance towards the sounds of the wolf.

IT was green, almost a dark teal. IT had black beady eyes that bore no pupils. IT had a pale yellow beak that was fairly short. IT had bowl-like shell on its head that was white in color. IT was all wrong and wet.

IT could only stare at me.

My mind supplied the potential name of this creature. Kappa. A river spirit or creature.

This creature continued to stare at me. ITs eyes bore into my own. I broke the eye contact and made to my knees. One glance told me it was still staring at me.

Perhaps this might work.

I bowed my head until my body was parallel to the ground. I held this position for a moment or so and lifted back up. It appears that the creature had return said bow. It gave me one last glance before turning towards the commotion behind it and dove into the murky depths towards it.

I just realized. It stopped raining chocolate.

* * *

It is a testament to my mental capabilities that I can suspend my beliefs for extreme durations. Talking ponies, I can handle that. Magic, I can handle that. Manual weather, yup I can deal with that. Hell, I can deal with Pinkie Pie. Most of this probably would break a lesser man (Pinkie Pie probably would break anyone that was left), but I persevered because I apparently had a large tolerance for the insane.

Now, perhaps on its own, this abomination would probably not phase me much. However, when placed upon an ever growing pile of stuff that just doesn't make sense, even I could lose my cool.

"Rodents of unusual size. Fcuk. I'm in an rpg for sure."

Right before me is what I believe is a rat with black fur and tiny brown eyes. It was about the size of a dog. It was roughly small starting from its snout, but it grew more rotund as I get towards its rear. Its rear would probably be best described as a giant boil covered in fur and has a tail sticking out. The giant rat snarled at me and I was a little agitated for the moment. I drew Celestia's sword and made to swipe at the blasted rat. Before I could commit to the swipe, the furry little bugger ran off deeper into the forest.

The forest isn't too bad. Sure the trees largely tower over the trees of the ones in the Everfree and are pretty thick. One could easily fit the girls inside one of thes- What the hell just leaped at the giant rat?

I didn't want to identify it, but I can't necessarily ignore it either. A giant black spider with gray legs had leaped out from behind a tree and snagged the rat. Its fangs bit into the rodent and the arachnid dragged the rodent up a trunk. This prompted my eyes to follow it up towards the tree tops. I truly wish I didn't.

Spiders. So many spiders. I thought the reason this forest was just as dim as the Everfree was due to the tree tops. It was actually due to the fact that there was only webs above. Webs full of spiders.

"Spiders, why did it have to be spiders?" My voice was shaky. I couldn't help it. Where was a rolled-up newspaper when I need one? Bloody spiders.

The daylight could barely make it through the webs and skittering bugs. This was not something I wanted to go through. I hate spiders. Hate 'em. If I had a flamethrower and no sense of planetary protection, I would torch this forest right now. Sadly, I had neither.

I needed to leave this place.

"_Join us~"_

I froze. My eyes darted to my surroundings. There were creatures skittering in the treeline, but none seem to be the likely source of the-

"_Join us ~"_

Something was calling me. Its voice cold and soft with a raspy edge. Its very sound chilled my lungs and spine. I felt something frosty grasp my body.

"_Join us in the Hollow~"_

The icy grip steeled and I felt my body compress. Then came the compulsion to come deeper into the Hollow. The Hollow. That's the name of this forest. I don't know how I know it, but it was on my mind. I struggled against the compulsion and the grip on my body tightened and the temperature dove several degrees. I could brush these minor aches easily, I'm used to the cold and I can ignore body compressions somewhat.

It would seem that whatever is in this forest did not like the fact I was resilient. There was a flash over my eyes. What I saw would haunt my dreams for nights long after this task.

Death.

So much death.

"_Join us_"

Images of ponies.

Dead ponies.

Skeletal ponies.

"_We shall make you_"

Decaying ponies.

Rotten eyes.

Shattered bones.

"_We shall make you whole_"

A purple unicorn stares at me.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"

Perhaps thrashing around when I can't see anything of my surrounding was a terrible idea, but at least it stopped the images. My head smashed into a tree trunk and left me dazed out upon the ground. Not the best method to getting something out of one's head, but it works. I managed to get to my feet and I felt slightly dizzy, but also relieved. The icy grip on my body was gone and my mind was silent. I still felt a compulsion to go deeper into the Hollow, but at least it was more of a suggestion rather than a directive. A suggestion to get myself killed, but nonetheless a suggestion I could choose to go along with.

Which I did.

Dammit.

Yea, as I walk through the valley in the shadow of spiders.

* * *

Wherever this blasted compulsion is taking me, it is giving me some sights I would rather live without. Apparently, there are bigger predators deeper in the Hollow. Could explain why the spiders closer towards the outside world were far more laid-back, no big spooky monsters out to eat them there.

Proactive usage of my bow seemed to be my giant spider deterrent. Also carrying a torch helps too.

I also noticed that the deeper into the Hollow I go, the darker it becomes. The tree tops got more cluttered with layers and layers of webs and web sacks.

However, I knew the torch wouldn't be a spider-keep-away for too long. I knew this the moment I lit the blasted thing.

I had just reached the point where the webs were no longer above head level to just about everywhere I look, there is webbing. The dog-sized spiders that were at the edge of the Hollow were nothing compared to these beasties. These spiders were a range of varying colors, but black was one that they all shared. These arachnids were about the size of cows now, which reminds me, I believe I did hear cows from within some web sacks. A variety of them kept a wide circle around me when I came into their territory. Now that I'm in full on web territory, they were becoming more bold.

It was no longer safe within the light of the fire.

One spider of black and yellow lunged from my unprotected back, it met a swipe from my blade. It retreated, but only a step before it contemplated another action. I pressed my attack and drove my blade into one of its eyes near center. It shrieked and leap back, gushing out yellow-green pus. Despite my show of aggression, this only incited the bugs to swarm.

Wild slashes and swings. Fangs lunge and hairy legs strike. Webbings are shot and stingers are thrusted. A euphoria of desperation. A clusterfcuk of hunger.

Well, good thing I have just the thing for this situation.

Among the fury of ravenous arachnids, I got sight of my target. I slipped my hand into my satchel and prayed that I grasped the right vial. The next chance I got, I slipped past kick and a bite, then I threw the vial at the tree. I swung my sword in a wide path, catching a few of the spiders in the legs and eyes. I felt hard jabs from legs kicking from behind me. I'm sure a few of these blasted bugs sank their fangs into my legs and arms a couple of times. A green flash followed by terrifying shrieks informed me what I had tossed.

Wildfire.

Bless you Zecora. If I had no sense of self and pride, I would become your human servant for life.

The green fire began to spread, quickly consuming the combustible webbing all around. Spiders were igniting about and fleeing to the trees only to bring fire to the trees themselves. I stepped away from the chaos, Wildfire was pretty quick. One should practice caution when dealing with it. I managed to avoid most of the scrambling eight-leggers, but the fire was spreading pretty quickly. So while focusing on the fire during my escape, I missed the drop in terrain.

I was able to adjust my descent so I wasn't tumbling down the slope, but sliding.

How in the world is there so much webbing?

Eventually, I came to a stop. The terrain of the hollow has changed, severely. Gone was the webbing from before, instead there is dark earth that has not seen water for a long time. The trees are withered and barren, a harsh cold draft of wind whirls through the gaps, and even though the trees are paler and more worn than the ones prior, the sun still doesn't pierce through to the ground well. The sky is blocked by branches interlocked like braids, not a single leaf to be seen.

Why was this so much more scarier than the webbed part of the Hollow?

Before I could comment on the thought, a sweet voice interrupts.

"The itsy bitsy pony went up the Hollow's path~

Down came the spiders, to web the pony up~

Out came Arachne and dragged the pony out~

The itsy bitsy pony went up Arachne's mouth~"

What a beautifully butchered mess of a nursery rhyme.

At least I now know where the ponies are.

I follow the voice as it continues its dreadful variation of a rhyme. It winds around trees and swirls in my ears, but it held an underlying frost to it. Like a witch's voice if one were so inclined to give it a name.

"You tread into my domain and make no announcement? How very-"

That voice was far too close now for comfort. I whirled around, but nothing came to view that would inform me the source of it. Nothing ground level. Perhaps then, above me?

I look up.

"-RUDE!"

I fell to my buttocks as I came face to face to very, very, VERY, human-like creature.

It had four eyes, two 'normal' sized yellow eyes with black pupils, and two smaller eyes of the same color slightly outside of the first two eyes. It has a pale yellow-green face that was bright in the center, but dimmed out towards the edges. No nose and its mouth bore a chesire-like grin with white teeth and elongated canine fangs. It bore no eyebrows or hair. Its hair was replaced by what I would assume is carapace that appeared like a hawk's crown that curved into horns. Black carapace covered her (I'm going to genderize this as female) back and good portion of her front, though oddly enough it gave her what appears to be a brasserie. She had pale skin(?) from her face, down her neck, around her collar, and some portion of her chest. Her arms were covered in that dark green carapace and her fingers were pointed. Her top half would be the only thing even remotely resembling human.

After the chitin that could vaguely be called a brasserie or corset, it was all parts of a terrible arachnid.

Six terrifying black furry legs.

A large black with white hairs thorax.

An even larger black abdomen with white furry circles at the rear.

A large stinger at the end of the abdomen.

My mind dictates that this creature would be called an Arachne.

Something else wants to called it a Spider-girl.

If I were anything, but a reasonable young man, I would have the strangest boner.

Thankfully, I'm mostly reasonable and normal.

_~Then again, look how human it appears.~_

No! That "Thing" is nowhere near human.

_~Look at its face, its lips, its breas-~_

Shut up! I have standards! What I want, is something COMPLETELY HUMAN!

Well, that shut up that annoying little thought.

"So you are the reason my fellow arachnids are crying out for their lives and homes. You are the source of that fire." She says as she descends upon me. Fear grips my body and stills my hands. The arachne slithers along my form, her carapace dragging across my clothes. She had her legs drape around me.

"I should thank you. They have always been such annoying little minions that always need incentives to recall that this is my territory." Her front four legs slide under my body and the creature lifts me off the ground, my body refuses to obey my need to panic and squirm.

Twas only a moment though as the arachnid drops me unceremoniously upon rough dirt. The trees are slightly different here as they seem to be covered in some kind of ichor. I also notice some web sacks high in the trees, more importantly, they have something living within them. They contort and bulge at erratic intervals.

"Hmm" The creature's eyes trail over me, "It is a good thing that I have already eaten. It has been awhile since I've had an ape enter my domain."

Oh, nice. She was doing this thing with her tongue (Good lord, that morsel is glowing) over her lipless mouth. I got that feeling she wasn't talking about food or fighting.

"Now let's remove these pesky layers."

"Hell no."

My sword takes a swipe at the monster. It seems I have my steel again. The monster backs off slightly with a smile on her face. I slide my legs under me and rise to my feet.

"Ah, I've always love a little fight in my meals." She rasps out.

"You'll get that and more with me."

"I shall enjoy this."

First things first. I don't know how to fight.

I swing the blade while stepping forward. The arachnid merely steps back, out of the reach of Celestia's blade.

"Before I enjoy you, allow me the knowledge of your name, hairless ape." She asks

I know the concepts of a fight, but actually fighting? With a sword no less?

"Ned... Just letting you know, I don't plan on dying here."

Planning and execution are two very different things.

"Delightful, I am called Anansi."

A black leg slams into my side, launching me across the ground. I roll onto my feet to see that the arachne is already upon me. She slashes at me with her claws, but I save my face with my off-hand. Her claws sink into my wrist, but I kick off along the force.

I fly off to the side once more, but I am able to maintain my footing.

Anansi still has her body stretched out, but looks towards me with a smile upon her visage.

She is merely playing with me.

How do I fight this?

Is there even a chance of winning?

I'm no hero.

I'm just a college kid.

In a situation way out of my element.

_~Is it really?~_

Anansi grew impatient (I would presume) and leaps out at me. Her front legs act like poles and stab down towards me. I juke to my side, not enough to be clear as one of her legs clips my shoulder. I spin and I couldn't keep my footing. I drop to the coarse earth and felt a brush of air pass my head. I land belly down and quickly flip over to see that one of Anansi's legs are over-stretched.

_~Are you truly out of your element? ~_

Yea, fighting abominations of both man and spider isn't something I do everyday.

_~Really? ~_

Yes. I live an absolute normal life of awkward teenage to young adult transition.

_~Awkward because of the sheer amount of videogames.~_

Well, yes. Is this really something I should be focusing on? You know, with my life at stake here.

_~Skyrim~_

Skyrim? What about Skyrim?

_~Dragon's Dogma~_

What?!

_~Dark Souls~_

Why are you listing games?

_~What are they?~ _

Games, I just said that.

_~What do they have in common?~ _

Uh, heroes, monsters...magic...quests.

_~There we go~_

That's not skill or experience, or really anything!

_~It is what you can envision~_

That is when it hit me.

Well, Anansi almost did anyway.

I roll over quickly to avoid the arachne's foot stomping upon my face. I make sure to add a few more twirls on the floor to distance myself from the walking nightmare. I rise to my knees, stab the sword into the earth, and relinquish my bow from my back.

Kyuudo

Not a manticore, but hell, I guess it will do.

I ready the bow with my left and retrieve an arrow from my quiver with my right.

Practised ease. The arrow is notched. The string is taut.

The arrow is shot.

Or rather, I wish all of that happened. It would have been so nice.

Like clockwork.

The moment I had my bow ready and I was going through the motions of drawing my arrow, Anansi had recovered from her missed attack and pounced on me. Her legs smashed my bow out of my hand and sent me flying. Again.

I hit the dirt hard. The air is knocked from my lungs. I catch a glimpse of Anansi leaping at me again.

"Now let's have a taste of that flesh!" She shrieks delightfully.

She lands over me with her legs digging into the earth around me. Her maw opens wide and descends towards me. Her eyes gleaming with vicious ferocity.

_~You are not defenseless~_

_~She merely has you on the submissive position~_

My eyes widen and I brought my right hand low to my body. As her head closed in, my right hand rises quickly. My fist meets her chin and forces her head up. My left hand is stretched to my side and it curls into a hook that meets Anansi's cheek. Her head violently whips to the right, but I grab the back of her head (the ridges of her carapace make great grips) and pull her into short elbow.

My elbow would not have much force, but adding my pull and its slight swing, it gets the job done. My elbow digs into the arachne's eye. She shrieks out.

My fingers on my right hand brush against something.

_~You aren't completely disarmed~_

My Quiver!

I bring my right arm back and grab an arrow. I quickly extend the arm and twirl the arrow till its point was directed at Anansi. I drove the arrow head into the arachnid.

My aim was slightly off as I drove the tip into her collar (I would presume, again.). Anansi screams out and her form skitters off of me. I quickly roll to my knees and rise to my feet.

Where is my sword?

There it is.

I dash to it and rip it out of the ground. I raise the blade towards Anansi.

Her right eye was leaking a dark green liquid, probably blood. The arrow wound in her right-side collar was leaking the same substance. At first she bore an expression of absolute fury, but her features soften and a very inappropriate smile graced her lipless mouth.

"Oh... you definitely are a bit of a fight. I shall return this ten-fold."

She grabs the arrow and rips it out. The green blood flows more vibrantly and the arahne throws the arrow away.

I realise something.

Skyrim doesn't really show much on sword style. Just swinging haphazardly.

_~Is that truly a problem?~_

Yea, if I want to live. Swinging like crazy doesn't help.

_~Then don't use Skyrim.~_

Dragon's Dogma and Dark Souls don't really help. It's not like I can copy Dante either.

_~Then don't take from games. You didn't just play games remember~_

Then what?

_~Then perhaps someone you believe is the best sword master?~_

I have short sword, I need a katana for the best-

_~Then think of a short-sword master.~_

Well, I could then - No, he isn't the best I know of.

Wait. There is that one.

I bring my off-hand to the bottom of my sword's grip. I hold the blade slightly away from my body, angled off along my shoulder. My feet are spread slightly wider than my shoulders.

Anansi charges forth. So do I.

~Übel~

As we close in, I lead in with my left shoulder and begin to raise my blade. Anansi kicks out with her front right leg and whips out with her right claws. I take another step out left with my left foot and bypass her attack.

My blade is above my head.

I curve my body towards the spidergirl.

I bring my sword down in a crescent swing.

My blade cleaves off Anansi's attacking leg on the backswing (What I would assume is the backswing anyway).

~Blatt~

I immediately step away and assume a stance towards the monster.

The moment my blade sank its edge into her leg, she screamed out once more.

This time, a hell of alot more vindictively.

"I AM TIRED OF PLAYING!" She screeches out.

I hear loud cracking and snapping. Suddenly, two talons burst from Anansi's back. They protrude from her back, over her shoulders, and hang in front of her for a good few feet. They are dark grey, nearly black, in color like the rest of her carapace. They are also covered in some kind of transparent substance.

"I told you, 'you'll get a fight and more from me'." I shouldn't be giving banter to this madness.

Her sick smile from before was long gone. Now she bears an expression of total fury. Good, now we both feel miserable. I didn't want her to be enjoying this either.

Anansi speeds forth, this time her speed is double that of what she was prior. I was caught off guard and I barely managed to deflect a talon to the side. I had taken a sudden deep breath in response to her quicker haste.

Only one though as the other rips past my left cheek. It takes a strip of flesh off my face. The side of my face was like it was on fire. The nerves screamed out in agony as cold air scratched against layers below the skin. It was hard to keep my left eye open as the pain stung into my retina for some reason.

I don't even know if I was now showing muscle fibers of my cheek or just bloodied scratches. I just barely bit back my cry.

I step away as fast as I could and create some measure of space between me and the enraged arachne. She kicks off a tree and charges upon me once more. Rather than give into her rage, I match her charge. She makes the same mistake as before and strikes dead center. I perform the same steps as before and go off towards her side.

Her other right-side leg raises up to strike me. I immediately drop down to my knees and the leg goes over me. My blade was suppose to cut across her chest, but I was forced to lower against her chitin-covered base. The blade simply glides across her natural armor.

However, only part of her bore her natural chitin. When my blade passed the thorax, it dug into her abdomen. About half a foot of the blade dug into the soft, hair-covered sack of the arachne, before I continued to cut across the length.

Her shrieks of anguish, surprisingly made me smile.

I rise to my feet and leap away once again. I turn to see the status of that wretched bug. The abdomen of the arachne seems to be in a semi-deflated state as it spilled out fleshy tubes and sacks. My ears continue to ring and vibrate as the arachne continues to screech out in agony. A large white fleshy sack catches my attention as it bulges and contorts.

There is something alive in there.

"I WILL KILL YOU!" Anansi screams.

I raise my blade once more. Odd. My fingers can barely flex. My joints are stiff. I was feeling a constant ache in my limbs. My cheek is still on fire and there was an addition ache around the wound.

What the hell?

_~It is not shock. Poison?~_

A venom. She is a spider, but she didn't sting me or bite...

My eyes lock on the two talons. They are covered in transparent substance. I thought that was something similar to saliva or something. Those talons are the only things covered in that substance. That's the poison. Feels like a paralysis agent or something.

My brows furrowed as the arachne finally stops screaming.

"I will rip you limb from limb. I will ensure that you will endure the pain of having arachne offspring bursting from your body. You will know pain, that no other living being has ever experienced!"

I match her glare.

"Come on." I motion her with my sword. "Bring it."

In a moment she is upon me.

My arms are stiff. There is no point in attempting to run.

My fingers are numb. I will not be able to dodge.

My legs are heavy. I can only strike back.

Anansi's talons descend upon me. I drive forth Celestia's blade.

Two forces meet. Points penetrate flesh.

I give agonized breathes.

It is over.

Celestia's blade splits Anansi's visage upon the space between her eyes. The steel sunk a foot and a half into her cranium, dark green ichor ooze around the blade.

I did not go unharmed as well. My off-hand may have pushed down a talon, but, instead of my chest, the talon dug into my left abdomen. Her other talon sunk into my right shoulder. She may have broken bones. My wounds burn as the poison cycles through my vessels.

Anansi's body goes limp. Her legs are wobbly and she teeters side to side. I extract myself from her form, but the talons give resistance. A moment of force causes the poisonous tips to pop out along with a blossom of pain erupting from my increasingly damaged body.

I stumble back and my rear meets a tree. I lean back and my knees go soft. I begin to slide down the lifeless bark.

So tired.

Limbs far too heavy.

I'll just close my eyes.

I could use a little rest.

It'll only be a moment.

_~Don't you have something important to do?~_

It can wait.

_~Are you sure?~_

I can barely move.

_~Didn't stop you from killing that spider.~_

My life isn't in danger right now.

_~But someone else's is.~_

My eyes widen before they shut.

That's right. There is a reason I'm here.

My eyes scan the barren earth and fall upon the white fleshy sack. It continues to contort and bulge.

My legs aren't responding easily, but my arms were. I use the tree as support and rise to my feet. I forcibly command my legs to move, but at a deliberate pace. Moments later than it should be, I am next to the sack.

"Well... Let's hope you're alright."

I dip the sword into the meat until just the tip of the blade sinks in. I drag the blade across the surface (Albeit, unsteadily.). Soon, the cut is too much for the sack and whatever's inside spills out.

Yellow-ish pus spills out across the dark earth. A white skinned pony also slides out of the meat-bag, which I assume now was a stomach. Furthermore, this pony was male. He is also a unicorn. He appears disorientated, but given that he was just in something's stomach, that is expected. He has medium length blue mane and appears to have a navy blue shield with a pink star on it as a cutie mark.

His eyes open to reveal light blue eyes that lock onto my own.

Then his horn glowed purple.

All I see is white and a sense of weightlessness.

Followed by a violent force throwing me back. I am given only a brief moment of air before slamming into what I assume is a tree as I hear loud snapping. The air is effective knocked from my lungs and my sword flies from my grasp. A large lance of pain slashes up my spine.

My eyes are blurred as my head smacks the bark. I distinctly hear something drop near me.

"Alright! Bring your worst! I will avenge my- huh? You're not that spider monster." I hear the unicorn say.

"Ugh. Last time I checked, no I'm not." I can be flippant, right?

"Wha-what are yo- wait. You must be that 'human' that Celestia spoke of." He seemed to put emphasis upon human.

"Yea. The one that you probably just broke the spine of." Really, my back is adding onto my already agonizing pain.

I noticed I wasn't bleeding all over the place. I chance a look down towards my abdomen. Odd. There is this transparent gel substance covering the wound. The area was numb, but it also burned. Despite this, the gel seemed to be acting like a gauze of sorts.

"S-sorry. I just reacted." The unicorn bows his head sincerely. He raises his head abruptly. "H-have you seen the rest of my team?"

So far, you're the only pony I've seen. Anything else has been spiders and rats. No other signs of life.

Hold that thought.

I look to my side. There was a web sack that was contorting. I look back to the tree tops and see a few more sacks.

"I think your fellow ponies are in those sacks," I weakly point towards the branches high above the unicorn, "Though, I'm sure that is only part of your group, no?"

Said unicorn looks up, gasps, and says, "I'll get these pods down. Can you open up the one next to you?"

I groggily nod and rise to my feet. I approach the sack and glide my sword across its surface. Just as I cleared the edge, the sack explodes outward, and causes me to stagger back. What remained is another white unicorn, but with pink eyes and brown flowing mane. Her cutie mark of a blue shield with a cyan star.

"By Celestia, it was extremely uncomfortable in there. Thank you for setting me free." The unicorn stretches out her limbs. "Now, if you would inform me the whereabouts of that insidious spider, I would like to bestow great Celestia fury upon her."

"Kind of late for that, I already killed her." The unicorn's eyes fall upon me.

"That is impressive, I can see why Celes- YOU'RE HURT!" Her pink eyes widen as they take notice of my gaping wound in my abdomen. Which brought to mind that it still stings.

"I'll be alright, tis just a flesh wound." Ow, no I'm not alright, but I've always wanted to say that.

"I can take care of this, give me a moment." The unicorn's horn then glows blue and she presses it into the wound. I release a hiss of pain as the wound burns like needles now instead of a skillet.

The burning quickly changed to soothing. My gut felt cool and the feeling was washing over me. Like someone was rubbing aloe over my abdomen. She removes her horn from my body and I take a chance to inspect the damage.

Except there wasn't any. There was the damage to my bear coat and shirt, but the patch of skin underneath was unblemished.

"There, good as new. Is there any other injuries?"

"Well, I have similar wound in my shoulder," I tilt my body to give the unicorn a better look. "Kinda stings when I move this arm."

The healer does her work and my shoulder feels great once more.

"Thanks, uh. Name's Ned."

"I already know, the Princess has been talking about you. You may call me Bedivere."

….How odd a name...

The two of us glance over towards the other unicorn. The blue-haired unicorn seems to have brought down the other web sacks and has already bust them open.

There is now two unicorns (Bedivere included), two pegasi, and one earth pony in total. Also something to note, that is the biggest earth pony I've ever seen. Even larger than Big McIntosh.

We got introductions out of the way pretty quickly.

Blue-haired unicorn = Shining Armor

Brown-haired unicorn = Bedivere

Red-haired Pegasus = Percy

Yellow-haired Pegasus = Gawain

And finally the black-haired giant pony = Lancer

And to make things better, Armor said that they were Canterlot's Knights.

Hmm... Oh dear. I just humored a thought of seeing a ponified Saber...

* * *

"I still can't believe we've lost more than half of the men." Armor growls.

"Tegyr was the first to go wasn't he? Told that colt to focus on his training and not on his mares" Lancer barks.

"Lancer! Tegyr died with honor. Respect our fallen." Gawain retorts against the larger pony.

"Be that as it may, his skills were lacking. At least it was better than how Kay died. I did not think that the Arachne would mate with him and be quite violent." Lancer says.

Wait, that spider monster did what now?

I will not register that in my mind.

…..

Odd. The voice is gone. For that matter, so are the compulsions.

"Sir Ned? Are you alright?"

I snap out of my thoughts to see Percy hover over to my side. She (yes, Percy is a she) seems to have no sense of personal space.

"Yea, just fine. Stop being so close." I made shooing motions with my hands.

We are making our way through the Hollow. My objective was only to find out what had happen to Celestia's knights and then bring them back. They were suppose to find out the cause of this forest.

They did.

Turns out the Hollow isn't a natural forest. Well, that was obvious. Anyway, the Hollow was created by the opening of a vault. This vault, explained by Bedivere, is the sealed location of the dark age creatures that both Luna and Celestia informed me. According to Armor, Anansi's nest is nowhere even near the center of the Hollow. To the best of my knowledge, an Arachne is nowhere even close to being one of the most dangerous of monsters.

The seal that holds this vault closed is broken. Beings from over a millenia ago are spilling into Equestria.

Great.

I am socially awkward...but I can kick your ass.

* * *

**A/N**

Wow, That took a lot longer than I thought to finish up.

I hope I did well in the fight scene.

Ending is rushed once again. I apologize.

Some references within.

Alrighty, Read and review. Would love to know my readers' thoughts.

Until next time,

WHO DO YOU THINK I AM!


	8. Chapter 8

I can be social

"For the love of humanity, Stop eating my APPLES!"

Twilight's library treehouse shook as my voice bounced off the walls. That may be just my eyes playing tricks on me, but it helps reinforce my frustration.

"But Ned! AJ seems to give you the sweetest ones at the pick. How can I not take some?" Spike pleads his case. What makes this all the more worst is that the dragon is dressed as a friggin' dragon. A purple dragon within a purple dragon.

"By not taking them! You gotta ask man!" I object furiously.

"Can I have some now?" Really Spike?

"HELL NO!" I overrule his pleas and snatch my basket of apples from the dragon's grasp. The dragon's expression fell to tears, but I remained strong in the face of such... such...

Dammit.

"Yes! Thanks Ned!" The dragon squeals as he munches happily on one of my cinnamon apples. I made a few batches of these treats for the night of nights. I set aside a few dozen for my own personal enjoyment, but curse Spike's sense of sweets.

Nightmare Night. A festival dedicated to our very own Princess Luna.

That was all I heard, but judging from the name, it probably didn't paint the lunar alicorn in such favorable light. Which means, sooner or later. We will have a problem in our hands.

With how things go in Equestria, it should probably be easy to deal with. If I were a someone who enjoys being subjected to loud noises and being magically thrown around. The former isn't too bad, but only if it has awesome trailer music.

In regards to what has been happening for the past week, I really need this night of entertainment.

My gut and shoulder still get phantom pains. My sleep is plagued by bouts of skeletons and spiders. Spike has been a victim of a few of my screams in the night.

I haven't spoken to Celestia since then. Armor said that he would inform Celestia on my behalf. Bedivere has made a couple of visits here, just to check up on me. Apparently, I looked a lot more injured when we left the Hollow than I thought. Twilight and Spike got along well with Bedivere when she visited.

Rainbow Dash, not so much.

Which reminds me... I really should talk to her.

*Knock Knock Knock* Well, looks like the treaters are here.

I walk past Spike as he happily munches and open the door with my free hand.

"Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!" comes the cheer of various fillies, each sporting unique costumes.

"Yes, happy Nightmare Night to the lot of you. Here ya go. Hey, Granny what are you doing up this late." I give each of the treaters cinnamon apple treats.

Granny Smith snorts at my dig, but...

"I should have been asleep five hours ago, but somepony's got to watch over these kids." She says drearily. A small pirate pony pops out before the group.

"Arrrg! Pipsqueak the pirate, at your service. Tonight's my very first Nightmare Night!" the pirate cheerily says.

"Since you came from Trottingham?" I ask.

"Nope, my very first Nightmare Night, ever!" he answers.

"Well for that, you get double the treats."

"Yay!"

"Enough chit-chat! Time is CANDY!" an unusually large chicken crows at us.

Upon closer inspection, I realize it was a very good costume, but batches of pink give away the costume.

"Aren't you a little old for candy?" I hear Twilight's voice behind me.

I turn my head to see the purple unicorn donning a white beard of all things. She also had a blue wizards hat and a large cloak with bells at the edges.

Interesting, I've seen that attire before...

"TOO OLD FOR CANDY!(She squawks, its hilarious) Never!"

Twilight sighs, but smiles nonetheless while doing a turn around to show off her costume.

"Do you like it?" she asks. I had a feeling...

"Yea! Great costume, Twilight. You make a great weirdo clown!" Pinkie says.

The group of fillies, including Pinkie and Granny, leave to go get more candy. Twilight huffs about.

"A clown!? Look at these borders on my robes! These are hoof-stitched!" She whines.

"Yea, great costume...Grandpa!" Spike snorts. He elicits a chuckle from me.

Twilight gives both of us a glare, but her expression falls to a soft smile.

"It's still a good costume Twilight. Though, not many people will know about Starswirl." I comment. My words, however light they were, caused Twilight to brighten up.

"HA! At least you got it! I would have questioned what have you been reading for you not to get this."

"Well, for starters, the beard was a straight give away. Besides, No one reads as much as you do. I'm like the closest thing, but even that isn't saying much."

"Oh come on you two. Let's go get some Candy!" Spike interrupts our banter.

I place the tray of apple treats on the table in the center of Twi's library. Spike and Twilight walk outside and I follow shortly.

"Alright Spike. Let's get going... Hey Ned."

"Yes, Twi?"

"Aren't you going to wear a costume?"

"Yes, I will. Just need to head to Rarity's."

"Okay. What are you going to dress up as?"

"Oh you'll see."

"Awww come on. Please."

"Nope, I'll catch you guys la-guh!"

My escape from Twilight and Spike at the treehouse was interrupted by a sudden force and lift. The ground before me whips past and grows distant. The winds brush past my face and it only took me a moment to realize I was flying.

"Dash. A little warning next time would be nice." I deliver with a deadpan expression. My legs dangle in the air as the pegasus continues to carry me about.

"It's about time you got out. I was beginning to think that you wouldn't join me tonight." Dash says as we swing around a cloud.

"Yea, about that... can you drop me off at the Carousel Boutique?"

"What for?"

"I had a costume planned out for tonight as well."

"Oh really? What are you going as?"

"You'll find out like the rest of the ponies. Rarity already knows, cuz, well, she made the damn thing." Despite my words, my tone was absolutely giddy. I had the perfect costume for tonight.

This night will be the best night ever.

* * *

"Rarity... I love you."

Such a simple sentence, little did I realize how much reaction it would get.

Rarity's reaction was simply smile and giggle whilst saying,

"Oh, everypony loves me,"

That was the mildest reaction.

The extreme one came from Rainbow. It involved a high speed tackle, me flying, and lots of crashing outdoors.

Super fun.

"It was just a friendly expression! Yah didn't have to explode like that!"

"How was I suppose to know! The way you said it, it felt like you were going to go all sappy on her."

"I was going to, but not in the way you were thinking!"

I stood up in the wreckage of bushes and maybe a table. Luckily, the costume suffered no damages(pray to Celestia, Dashie, had anything happened to this suit) and I had to brush off the obligatory dust from my shoulders.

I had a black cowl, with two ears pointing straight up. The cowl covered my face, but left my mouth and chin revealed. A long black cape cascades my back and reaches to about the back of my calves. A grey suit holds firm against my body and apparently is form fitting, though I have no idea where I got abs from. Black claw gloves and black boots. A yellow and black mark on my chest, with the black resembling a nighttime flyer.

"Dashie, we need to talk abou-"

"Are you two alright? Sweet Celestia, Rainbow Dash. Did you have to send Ned through the window?"

"Ned said something he shouldn't have."

"Dashie, It was a slip of the tongue. It's not like I mean it in a romantic kind of way."

"Awww, and here I thought our resident biped was finally realizing his tastes.."

"Not helping, Rarity..." I groaned out.

Really, you are just going to make this situation a whole lot worse. Great, Rainbow is absolutely fuming. How am I going to defuse this-

"Hey Rainbow Dash, Rarity, what's goin- Guaaah! What is that!?"

That sounds like Applejack. One quick look proves that it is indeed Applejack dressed as a very scared scarecrow. Oh...right.

"You call yourself "Scarecrow." Farmer turned psychopath. You prey on the innocent and instill them with fear. When I chose to wear my... costume, it was to prey upon the criminals, and instill them with fear. The irony is not lost on me..."

With each word, I step closer to the apple farmer. Each step draining the color from the pony's face. I drape the cape along my arm and across my face mask, My eyes stare deep into her own. Before long, I am on top of her and all color (possibly soul too) have left the middle child of the Apple family.

"Darkness."

I spread my arms and cape to bestow my terrifying appearance.

"SINK INTO YOUR SOUL!"

"Ned darling. I think you have done enough."

"Yea, Nedster. I believe Jack is an apple short of a batch now."

True to their words, the scarecrow Applejack has completely lost all color to her body and her eyes have become pinpricks. Her mouth agape and it seems she may have stopped breathing.

Her heart stopping may also be a possibility.

"Err, Jackie?"

No response.

"Jack, return to the living world please."

Nada

"You have not yet, my permission to die, Jack."

Zip

"Why is rum gone, Jack?"

Didn't think that would work either.

"Jack, if you don't wake up, I'll have to use you as a substitute southern girl that I've always wanted to make out with."

I got a reaction, but from someone else.

"Hey!"

I expected this. So the moment Dashie made contact, I shifted and swung the pegasus face first into the catatonic pony. It was almost perfect.

I had gotten Rainbow to kiss Applejack.

It is rather sloppy looking and a tad painful, but (heck) still impressive.

"Blaagh! Stop kissing me Rainbow! Ah don't have that preference!"

It also got the earth pony to wake up. Two birds.

"I'll say Ned." Rarity trots up by me, "That was rather...eloquent."

"Thanks, though I hope I really didn't give Jack a heart attack."

"I was surprised you would take it so far."

"Well, what's a night called Nightmare Night without a few scares?"

Rarity nods her agreement and We both help the two ponies up, one really. Jack gave me a good kick to the leg for the scare and Dashie just glared at me the whole time.

I really should talk to Dashie.

Eventually we got ourselves sorted out. A few more kicks in the butt for me, courtesy of both Jack and Dashie. On the off note, Rainbow was sporting a makeshift Shadowbolt costume, I asked what in the world is a shadowbolt and Dashie told me it was a long story. Rarity said she wouldn't be able to come along for the night, apparently there were still costumes to be made.

I offered to help, but Rarity threw me out and told me to enjoy the night.

Sheesh, sorry my tendency to be a helping hand is bothersome.

As we walked towards town center, the three of us chatted mainly about inane things. I would bring up the topic with Dashie, but I believe that would be better if we did that in private. Jack says she would be manning the apple bobbing and pumpkin toss games. Dashie pulls me upon her storm cloud says we should scare ponies. That sounds quite delightful.

And my preferred group to scare just came into sight.

I had Dashie let me off the cloud on a low roof. I crept over to the edge to peer over a group of fillies, a giant chicken, and lil' ol' Granny Smith. This is going to be fun.

"I am the Night!"

The ponies flinch and jump as my voice thunders down upon them. They twist and turn to see the source, but none take the time to look up.

With dramatic flair, I leap off the low roof and land before them. I rise quickly and spread my cape.

"I AM BATMAN!"

Thunder flashes around me, illuminating each face, and grasping the very core of fear within each one. Granny Smith just fainted. Perfect timing, Dashie.

The fillies and ponies screamed at the top of their lungs and ran for their dear lives. The large chicken pony quickly grabbed Granny before running off with the rest.

Dash came down on her cloud, rolling on her cloud, laughing her butt off.

"That was brilliant, Nedster! Did you see the look on their faces, priceless!"

"Of course I did, I did it."

"Oh man, this night is going to be so Awwwesome!"

"Definitely."

"With you and me, we'll have this whole town pranked in no time."

"Not quite."

Both Dashie and I look towards the fun perpetrator. We met with a scruffy beard of a purple unicorn. She had an eyebrow raised and leveled a look at the both of us. Looks like Twilight isn't taking to our fun.

"While you look absolutely terrifying Ned, it isn't hard to overcome that when you're laughing out loud with Rainbow Dash."

"Trust me, Batman is scary. Even when he is laughing. I just can't pull it off..."

"I'm sure he is Ned, now let's- What the?"

Both Twilight and I turn to see what stopped Dashie mid-way. What I saw, I couldn't believe.

I recall that my three biggest fans/followers were in that group I just scared, it seems that they didn't go running with the rest of them, though.

"Call me Bataloo!" Says a orange filly pegasus within a dark suit with cowl and cape.

"I'm Sweetie Bat!" Says a white unicorn donning the dark caped crusader suit.

"Batbloom!" Says the butter yellow filly covered in the night vigilante's costume.

"Together! We ARE THE DARK KNIGHT CRUSADERS!" The three declared to the world.

Twilight was speechless.

Dashie was holding back her laughter, but her body shook with her mirth.

Me? I was just completely overwhelmed with so much...

AWESOME!

"DARK KNIGHT CRUSADERS!" The three snap to attention as my voice echos against the houses.

"TONIGHT! WE-"

"Thank you everypony for coming out tonight!" Ah for the love of- Damn you Mayor Mare!

The mayor had trotted upon a stage in town center and spoke before a podium. The townsfolk gathered. There was a variety of costumes, ninjas, mummies, zombies, farmers, scarecrows, etc...

For a race of sapient equines that never heard of humans, they do seem to match humans in certain areas.

They gave me a wide berth, apparently I was more terrifying than I thought. Then again, I did give Jack a heart attack...

"Once again, I thank everypony for the decorations and treats. I also welcome everypony to our Nightmare Night festival!" The mayor herself was dressed up as a clown with a rainbow afro. Complete with a red rubber nose.

"Now, all the little fillies that have been collecting treats should come follow Zecora to hear the legend of ….(pause for dramatic effect)...NIGHTMARE MOON!" Cue evil laughter.

"You know that would have worked better...if she wasn't dressed like that." The purple dragon within a purple dragon said. Twilight and I snickered a bit.

Zecora appeared upon the stage with a flurry of smoke and special lights. A few ponies and fillies gasped and dove in terror. Seems like my guess that Zecora would love Nightmare Night was correct. She was made well for this holiday.

"Follow me and very soon you'll hear the tale of Nightmare Moon."

I really hate how she can do that...

* * *

Twilight, Spike, and I followed along with the fillies (and Pinkie Pie) to a clearing in the Everfree forest. This clearing was different from previous clearings that I've been to, for starters it has a statue dedicated to the former persona of the lunar princess. A marble caricature of a being of dark power, whoever chiseled this statue had successfully replicated the frightening image of Nightmare Moon.

Yea, Luna ain't gonna like this.

Speaking of which, wasn't she suppose to drop by tonight? I could've sworn that was what Bedivere said.

Zecora brought us to the statue and a few fillies trembled in its presence. The moonlight cascades down its alabaster surface. One could spot cracks and divots within its form, it supports the belief that it is old.

"Listen close my dears," Zecora starts as we all group before the statue, "I'll tell you where you got your Fears - of Nightmare Night, so dark and scary."

She lifts a hoof and blows out green dust that forms above,

"Of Nightmare Moon, who makes you wary."

Bringing forth a frightening image of a green translucent Nightmare Moon, the ponies cry out once more.

"Every year, we put on a disguise, to save ourselves from her searching eyes."

The Nightmare Moon projection glides over the group, causing fillies to run about screaming. I knew Zecora would get a kick out of Nightmare Night.

"But Nightmare Night wants but one thing, to gobble up ponies in a single swing!"

The green Nightmare swoops down and passes through my body, further horrifying the others. I held a bemused smirk upon my lips as, yes, Zecora was having fun.

"Hungrily, she soars the sky. If she sees nopony, she passes by. So if she comes and all is clear, Equestria is safe for another year!"

The green Nightmare Moon puffs out of existence and the ponies finally cease their frightened scattering, though I failed to mention that my newly dubbed "Dark Knight Crusaders" have been clutching onto me the entire time.

"Um, Miss Zecora," A small pirate filly asks, "If we wear costumes to hide from Nightmare Moon, so she won't gobble us up, how come we still have to give her some of our candy?"

"A perfect question, my little friend. For Nightmare Moon you must not offend." Zecora procures more powder from her bag, or at least I think its powder, and blows forth. "Fill her belly with a treat or two, so she won't return to come eat you!"

The green dust turns into another visage of Nightmare Moon and it darts about the group, snapping at each pony, but never making purchase as it phases through harmlessly.

"Everypony!" Pinkie screams, "Just dump some candy and get out of here!"

Now, had I known better, I would figure that Pinkie would just drop a handful of sweets, but of course, in her panicked state, she dumped the whole bag. Every other pony followed suite.

This would have ended our stay with the statue and for most of the scares of tonight, but my life isn't complete without something going drastically different.

Cue strange strong winds. Check

Cue clouds partying suddenly. Check

Cue thunder cracking. Check a roo

What does all of this get us?

The perfect entrance for a chariot of dark grim colors and gothic designs to fly overhead, being pulled by demonic winged ponies. ( Well I hope they're ponies)

"Its Nightmare Moon! RUN!" I heard someone scream and then my ears took a hard hit as every pony screamed as they turned tail and ran towards the village. I was left alone with Twilight before the Nightmare statue.

"Does everything have to be so loud with you around?" Twilight asks with a snark expression.

"Without me around, would you really be having this much fun?" I retort as I dig my pinky into my ear. Jeez, these equines can be loud.

"Come on, Ned. Let's see if we can calm this situation down."

"I highly doubt things are going to go as you'd expect."

The two of us walk(trot) back to Ponyville where we can hear more screams coming from within. They only grew in volume as thunder and lightning cracked and banged about. As we neared town center, the screams stopped and the place was filled with this eerie silence. We came across the entire town bowing (cowering more like) before the rider of the dark gothic chariot. It was a pony larger than most, bigger than Big Mac, but not as big as Lancelot. It was dark blue and wore a cloak. The hood of the cloak was down and it revealed the royal face and mane of Princess Luna.

She steps forth before the mayor clown, lifts her own hoof, and coughs as if to clear her throat.

"CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE!" Good lord, and I thought her voice the first time we met was loud.

"We have graced your tiny village with our presence, so that you might behold the real Princess of the Night!" She projects her glass killing voice across the crowd, intimidating further each and every pony. Even I had a hard time to refrain from covering my ears. "A creature of nightmares no longer, but instead a pony that desires your love and admiration! Together we shall change this dreadful celebration into a bright and glorious feast!"

As if to punctuate how terrifying she is, her clouds rattled with thunder and lightning.

"Did you hear that, everypony? Nightmare Moon says she's gonna feast on us all!" Damn that chicken, she's going to make things worst. Of course she did, ponies all around began to scream once more and fled from the center. Luna could only stand at the center of the chaos, dumbfounded.

"What? (Oh, she finally resumed her normal voice) No, children, no! You no longer have reason to fear us! Screams of delight is what your princess desires, not screams of terror!"

Her words fell upon non-cooperative ears as the ponies continued to run about.

"What is the matter with you? Very well then. Be that way. We won't even bother with the traditional royal farewell!" Luna whips her head and turns it high as she trots away from the chaos.

"Uh, Twilight."

"Yea, Ned?"

"Go catch up to her, I'll be along shortly."

"Alright."

Twilight trotted off to get to the princess. I stepped by the scattering ponies to stand before the two batwinged pegasi.

"Why don't you two go grab something to eat, I'll look after the princess."

Now, normally, me being human wouldn't let me this choice, but ever since Luna brought up myself being the guardian of Equestria, her personal guard had taken it as a liberty to shove some responsibilities upon me. Of course, this only happened here in Ponyville, but hey, take advantage whenever one can.

They nodded, quite happy with being let loose on a holiday. I turn on my heels and went about to track down our wayward Night royalty.

* * *

"Hello Princess, I am-"

"Starswirl the Bearded, commendable costume. Thou has gotten even the bells right."

"Thank you! Finally, someone else who gets my cos-guh!"

Twilight gave me a look as I elbowed her.

"Oh right, We just came to welcome you to the celebration! My actual name is-"

"Twilight Sparkle." Luna had her back to us as she stood before the statue of her former persona, she then finally turned to greet us.

"It was thou who- WHAT IN EQUESTRIA IS THAT?!"

Niiiiiice! I can knock even the Princess of the Night off-balance with this costume. However, with the glare Twilight is giving me usually means I should stop enjoying this.

"Ah, good to see even the Princess could be unsettled by this caped crusader," I pull back on the cowl to reveal my face. "Welcome to Ponyville, Luna."

"Ned? My, that is quite the costume. I'm surprised the townsfolk would run from me rather than you."

"Well, I had my fair share of scaring ponies, quite a few actually think this is pretty cool."

"Hard to imagine, Ned."

"Anyway, impressive arrival milady."

"Your fellow citizens don't seem to believe so."

"Well, it is a given. You were Nightmare Moon."

"Ned!" Twilight was surprised at my insensitivity.

"I said were, the ponies of recent are not accustomed to having a Princess of the Night, they have been raised for the past millennia to fear Nightmare Moon."

"Still, Princess Luna isn't Nightmare Moon anymore."

"I know that, and its up to her and maybe us to fix that."

The two of us glance over towards Princess Luna.

"And how do you suppose we come about that?" Luna asks.

"How about changing your approach?" Twilight offers.

"Changing our approach?" Bellows Luna.

"Luna, we talked about volume." I said.

"oh...right..." Luna acting sheepish? Thats a first.

"You and Princess Luna have talked about this?" That's right, Twilight doesn't know about me and Luna having talks.

"Well, yes. We met a long while back, Twi. Funny thing, she was almost just as loud back then as she was now." Luna gave me a glare, but it was ignored.

"Nedward, here, has been quite the help in my transition from former creature of nightmares to the princess you see before you. Though it seems that We require more instructions."

"Nedward? Really, Luna?" How many times would these ponies... you know what, forget it.

"Is it not the full version of your name?"

"It isn't, moving on. You should just speak with the townsfolk as you would with me. Minus all the old speak."

"Old speak?"

"Nevermind."

"Perhaps Fluttershy can help?" Twilight offers.

"Maybe, Dashie has told me she doesn't like Nightmare Night."

"Why? Tonight is a fantastic festival, what's not to like?"

* * *

"GO AWAY! There is no candy HERE! Vistors not welcome on NIGHTMARE NIGHT!"

.

.

.

"Told you, Twi."

"Hush, Ned. Sorry princess, let me just-"

"Nah, I got this Twilight." I said as I sneak over to the side of the house.

Flutters never closes all of her windows, she keeps at least one or two open so that her bird friends could come in and leave as they please. That would be her downfall tonight. After a short bit of searching, I had found the open window near the back. I skillfully(read clumsily) clambered up and into through the window. It took me a moment to get my bearings and I made my way through the household. As I made my way towards the main room, I felt my leg halt, almost causing me to stumble. I caught myself before I made any noise, one look back told me what I needed to know.

Angel.

The little bastard. In one motion, I grasped the little bugger by his ears. He thrashed about, trying to swing his momentum so he could slap me. I wouldn't let him get as far, for I had swung him over my head and threw him out the window I had entered through. I turn back and enter the living room of the kindest vet of all of Equestria. She was in the room, I couldn't see her just yet, but I could hear her whimpering.

It almost broke my heart, especially with what I'm about to do.

"You cannot hide from me"

A gasp and a dry along with shuffling brought my attention to a bundle of blankets. Oh so thats where she was hiding.

"Whos there?"

"Your worst nightmare" I say as I throw the covers off of the pegasus.

"AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaHhhh!"

Now, there are plenty of reasons why scaring Flutters was a bad idea.

Her soul-killing scream would be one of them. It is largely disorientating.

So as I stumble about, the butter pegasus scatters about, screaming her lungs out. I manage to stumble myself to block her from heading towards the back of the house and guide her towards the front door. I was successful in getting Flutters out of her house. She busts through her front door, quite literally she sent that piece of wood off in the distance, and crashes into Twilight.

"Well, that went exactly as I thought."

"Was that really necessary, Nedward?"

"What, it worked didn't it, Luna?"

Luna rolled her eyes as both Twilight and Fluttershy return to their feet. Both shake their heads to clear some haze.

"Fluttershy, err, you remember Princess Luna?" Twilight asks

Flutters looks over toward the Princess of the night and immediately attempts to run into her home. Unfortunately for her, I was still in her doorway, in all Batman gear. Cue her gasps and screams as she darts behind Twilight.

Might as well go easy on her, if I could make Jack catatonic, I don't want to know what I could do to Flutters. I pull back the cowl once again. Immediately, Flutters steps away from Twilight to glare at me.

"That wasn't very nice"

"I apologize for that, but you should enjoy Nightmare Night."

"I can't, everypony in scary costumes. Its too much for me."

"Trust me, you'll be fine. We have a few ponies dressed up as cutesy animals."

"Really?"

"Really, really Flutters." That got her sold. "But first, you have to help Luna here."

The moment Flutters' eyes fell upon Luna, she dashed back behind Twilight.

"You remember Princess Luna, right?" Twilight asks once more.

"Charmed" Luna booms.

"Luna..." I reminded.

"Likewise..." Fluttershy whispers.

"Twilight and Nedward hath spoken of the sweetness of thy voice." Her voice wasn't booming, but it was still pretty loud. "We ask thou teachest to us to speak as thou speakest."

"Okay" Flutters whimpers.

"Shall our lessons begin?" Luna bellows.

"Okay"

"Shall we mimic thy voice?"

"Okay"

"How is this?"

"Perfect, lesson over!" Flutters loudly states as she dashes back to her home.

She ran right into me. Perhaps I was wrong on saying Flutters wasn't as light as a marshmallow.

"How about tuning down a few octaves?" I offer the princess.

"How about...this?" Her voice drops a third.

"Perfect. Right, Fluttershy?" Twilight says.

"ehehuh, yes?" Apparently my chest is pretty sturdy if Flutters is dazed from impact. A blue aura glows about Flutters and she is lifted towards the nocturnal royalty to be embraced physically. Luna may have been squeezing too hard as Flutters was unable to speak as Luna expressed her gratitude.

"Hey Fluttershy! You've gotta hide us! Nightmare Moon is here and..." Oh boy, that better not be.

"Ah! She stole Fluttershy's voice so she can't scream when she gobbles her up!" Yeap, it was Chicken Pie and the fillies. Welp there goes that plan.

"Nay, children, wait!" Luna calls out to the retreating equines.

"Come on, princess. Time for plan B."

"Hold that thought, Twi. Now its my turn."

"Eh?"

* * *

We came back to Ponyville, with Fluttershy in tow. She was reluctant, but constant reminders of cutesy animal costumes got her sold. As we came into town, the occasional townspony would catch sight of us, more importantly Luna, and immediately bow and cower. It didn't do well for Luna's esteem.

"Trust me Luna, it isn't as bad as you think." I reassure the princess.

I caught sight of the group that would do best for my plan.

"I'll be right back. Got a chicken to reprimand."

"I don't see how this would help the general view on us."

"You'll see soon enough Luna."

The solution to our, or rather, Luna's problem is that she doesn't understand the general view of Nightmare Night. If the costumes are anything to go by, it is very similar to our own holiday of the night.

The best way to prove this to Luna? Just do what I've been doing the entire night.

The group of fillies were going to come into one alleyway so I stood upon another low rise roof for my entrance. It didn't fit well with me how I was rehashing the same tactic from before and that I was focusing on the same group, but since this group was the only one with fillies, I will have to work with it.

As they reached the middle of the alley, I leap from the roof, and descend upon their unsuspecting forms. My abrupt appearance would startle most individuals, but with an addition of a crack and flash of lightning and thunder respectively, that which is startled becomes terrified.

Of course, nothing really ever goes according to plan.

"Just relax. I'll take care of the creepy, wretched, pinhead puppet of Ponyville!" The giant chicken shouts as the fillies ran. She reared up on her back hooves and pulled out an umbrella from her candy sack.

Wait, umbrella?

"Why do you have an umbrella?" I ask

"You're just jealous, because I'm the genuine fowl and you have to wear a mask!"

"Are you quoting...someone?"

"But when it comes down to it, who's holding the umbrella?"

"I'm guessing you are quoting Penguin, but how?"

"Penguin? I'm not a penguin, I'm a chicken." She squawks.

Ah that clever mare. No matter, the plan goes as placed. I dashed forward as the chicken mare tries to make a scramble away. I close in and tackle the equine fowl. We tumble about for good few moments, apparently Pinkie is extremely good at staying up top...

"Are we going to keep this game going Pinkie or are you actually going to stop screwing around?"

"This is fun!"

"That it may be, I need you to help me with Luna"

"Help how?"

"I believe you already noticed"

"That she isn't taking this festival all that well?"

"Exactly. So are we done having a tumble?"

"Oky Doky Loky!"

The two of us rise from the heap we created and make our way out of the alley, well, I had to for Pinkie believed it to be more fun if I had to carry her out. Well, it did correspond with what I had in mind.

"HELP, HELP! The evil minion of Nightmare Night is ponynapping me for Nightmare Night to gobble me up!" Pinkie cries as we step into full view of everypony.

The ponies gather round to watch with frightful and expecting eyes. Luna and Twilight watch from afar with disbelieving eyes.

"That is a lie! We would not eat any pony!" Luna calls out as she approaches us. The townsfolk immediately cower before her. She stomps her way through the crowd and stands furious before us. "What is the meaning of this, Nedward!? Are you not suppose to rid these misconceptions of us." Luna bellows.

Her voice begins to scare off her citizens and Luna catches notice of this. Her eyes take on a white glow and she breathes in deeply.

"Fear me! For I am the servant of the night! The avenger of the shadows! The DARK KNIGHT CRUSADER!" I intercept the lunar princess' announcement. To add to my cry, I spread my cape quick and wide. Once more, thunder cracks and lightning flashes around myself and Luna. The townsfolk scream as they reason running away over their manners of bowing before the princess. As the ponies scatter about, I could only laugh.

Alot more than I should.

Infact it got to the point that my lungs started hurting.

Despite that, it was a good feeling.

Luna didn't seem to share that sentiment.

"Nedward! This is not what we would call acceptance of our presence!" Luna exclaims.

"You would be right, my princess, but you may notice something if you would lend thy ear."

Just for a moment, Luna humored my little request. And she would be surprised.

We could hear some ponies talking, not too far away, but out of sight.

"Did you see Ned's costume? That was downright terrifying!" Ah Batman, you never fail to impress.

"I know! This has got to be the best Nightmare Night ever! We even get Princess Luna to get in on the festivities." The surprise on Luna's face said it all.

"How can it be? These ponies...enjoy the screaming and scaring?" Luna asks. It would also seem that Twilight was curious as well.

"Well you see Luna, Twi, Nightmare Night is fairly similar to a holiday back in my world." I step off of Pinkie, never really knew that I was standing on her. "Its called Halloween and its a night where humans dress up in costumes of their preference, be it scary, cutesy, attractive, or plain silly." I point to Pinkie for emphasis, "The general purpose, nowadays, is to have the children dress-up and collect candy from house to house. Halloween is also known for people scaring and pranking others, sometimes doing both at the same time."

"So it is a day that is...okay to be scared?" Twilight asks.

"Yes, because sometimes, it's-"

"It's fun to be scared!" Pinkie finishes for me.

"Exactly. So how about a few more scares before we hit the games. I'm dying to upstage Dashie in the haunted horseshoe -GAaah!"

That reaction would primarily come from being electrocuted. Courtesy of our friendly neighborhood weatherpony, hovering over my fallen form by a few good feet. Smart pegasus.

"Hahahaha! You should have seen your faces. What makes you think you could beat me at horseshoes Nedster!" Dashie chortles.

"Oh, I'll get my payback Dashie, right now. DARK KNIGHT CRUSADERS!"

With my call, three shadows leap from another low rise roof to tackle the black-clad pegasus over her cloud and to the ground.

"DARK KNIGHT CRUSADERS!" The three bat fillies chant as they tumble over Dashie.

"My sidekicks! We must apprehend this imposter of Rainbow Dash, her true name is Wobniar!" I struck a pose and directed a finger at the fallen pegasus, who could only give me an incredulous look.

"Wobniar?" She asks.

"Yes! You are the evil clone of Rainbow Dash! Go my crusaders, attack her with all your might! Her weakpoints are her hooves!"

My words, especially when I emphasized on her hooves, caused her eyes to widen. Oh I knew where she was ticklish. How? I will never tell. Nonetheless, Dashie's attempts to escape are foiled as my three adorable sidekicks bring out feathers in their mouths and begin tickling the blue pegasus' feet.

"NO! hahahah-stopahahah- I can't-hahehaheha" Dashie's pleas would fall upon ignorant ears.

"So, anyone up for a few games?" I offer the jaw-slacken horned duo of Twilight and Luna.

The night went well. Ok, rephrase that. The night went great!

Luna had a blast playing the festival games and saw that Ponyville had gotten accustomed to her pretty well. No longer were there any ponies cowering before her, now they openly invited her for games and treats. She got into her fair share of scares and pranks. Though she ruined a few of my pranks, thanks to her blunt and oblivious nature. Overall, I mark this as a success on making Luna feel accepted in Ponyville. Shes on her own in any other town, though.

For myself, I had my fun. I played a few games of horseshoes (lost against Jack, Dashie, and Luna. Twilight cheated), bobbing apples (Ended up bobbing a Bataloo, much to everyone's confusion), and spider toss (Luna made one of my spiders into a giant living spider. Cue my violent reaction with Pipsqueak's wooden sword). Despite the obvious fun I had, it all rang too close to what I did in my own world. Damn, it sucks to think about this.

Want to know what also sucks?

Remembering that I have to take care of something.

* * *

"Hey Dashie."

The pegasus was in mid-progress of beating Jack in a pumpkin juice drinking contest. Her eight glasses to Jack's six, and Jack was looking like she already had three too many.

"What's up Nedster? I got nothing to worry about at the moment, Applejack is about to barf."

"No...Ah'm... Not...Pard- woah nelly!" Jack's face turned green and one of her hooves just went to her mouth. Her cheeks just puffed.

"Oh boy" was all I could say before everyone backed up as Jack spewed her recent beverages onto the dirt.

"Eeeeewwwww!" was chorused by us all.

"HA! I win, Applejack!" Of course, Dashie was more focused on her victory.

"Ah fudge nuggets." bemoans the orange pony.

"Hey Dashie, I kinda need to talk to you."

"Alright Nedster. Hey Applejack, remember you owe me cider when you feel better."

The two of us leave the festival grounds towards quieter areas, more specifically some woods. I figured that what was to be said would be best said without an audience.

We made some inane chatter until we came across a clearing with a lake.

"-and thats when Fluttershy came in, knocking all the cake onto Rarity's dress." Dashie gestures wide with her hooves.

"Oh damn, Rarity must have been livid." I was giggling.

"Oh she was, but when it happened, she was just frozen in shock." Dash chuckles.

"I wish I could have seen the look on her face."

"Oh trust me it was hilarious."

We laugh abit before it died away to silence. We stayed by the water's edge for some time, myself kicking a few pebbles into the water and Dashie playing abit with her fluffy dark cloud. I should probably get on with it.

I mean, sure it would probably ruin the moment and possibly our friendship. But I need to make things clear now rather than break even worse later on. But how do I get the right wor-

"I had fun tonight, Nedster." I turn towards the pegasus, who is still staring out to the water.

"uh..yea so did I. I'm glad."

"Those were some good pranks."

"Yup."

"I'm particularly impressed by that 'Wobniar' thing you pulled."

"Oh, it's just your name backwards. The little crusaders are responsible for the tickling though."

"Then again, you told them where I was most sensitive. How did you figur-"

"I have my sources." I cut her off quickly.

"...Fluttershy?" Damn...

"Yea, Flutters."

"Knew I shouldn't have told her."

"Trust me, it wasn't easy getting it from her." It was actually a slip of hers when I was planning on pranking Dashie.

"I'm really glad I got you." Yea, I gotta do it now.

"Dashie, I gotta tel-"

However, she cut me off. Her lips met my own. Her eyes were closed. Mine were not. I should probably close them... No...

I place my hands on her shoulders (are they shoulders?) and push her away softly. Her eyes opened to display confusion.

She was going to say something, but I have to say my piece first.

"I already have someone, Dashie."

The reaction was instantaneous. A flash over her eyes and her brows curved. Her lips parted in aghast. Her form stiffened.

"Wha-"

"Back in my world. I have a girlfriend. A significant other, if you will. A special someone in my life."

Her pink eyes begin to moisten and her lips quiver. Her wings snap flush against her sides.

"I plan to find a way to get home to her someday. Really, as soon as possible. I miss her beyond belief."

Now her eyes had taken a sheen from the moonlight as they were already filled with tears.

"I would have told you sooner, but I was caught off guard that night, and well, the next few days weren't possible either."

"Why-" Dammit, I never could handle a crying girl, even if it is a pegasus.

"Dashie, you are an awesome pony. You're brilliant, athletic, brave, bold, and determined. I acknowledge your feelings, but I just don't feel the same way. You are very good friend, even my best. I'm sorry. I really am."

There. It was off my chest. She knew my feelings and how I stood on this matter.

"If you want to tackle me or kick me, I'm okay with that." My mouth always seems to be its own living entity sometimes. Now that the offer was out there, I close my eyes in preparation.

I expected a kick or something painful. I got something soft and moist on my cheek.

"Even if you feel that way...I still have feelings for you."

I was stunned. Why? Why would she say that, why would she tell me that? That's not something I would want on anyone.

I open my eyes to see that Dashie was no longer infront of me. I quickly look around and catch sight of the pegasus in the sky, pushing her cloud back towards Ponyville.

Damn. My shoulders slump as I let out a breath. I told Dash my feelings and she tells me she would continue to have feelings for me. Dammit.

"Ah, Nedward. We were wondering why you weren't enjoying the festivities."

I look towards the source, but I already knew who it was.

"I just needed somewhere quiet to rest a bit from the chaos." I lie.

"It would seem we have the same idea. We have never expected our citizens would be this much...fun." She rolled the word, fun, as if testing the word out.

Twilight and I had a moment of pure sugar-filled glee when the princess tried out the pumpkin launch game. In the princess' own words of, "A-ha! The fun has been Doubled!" had both Twi and I having kawaii~ moment. I have no regrets.

"Thats how we mortals live. We enjoy every moment we can and live out our days doing what we love."

"Now it would seem you paint us immortals as stale, boring, old ponies."

"The farthest thought from my mind, mil 'lady. Enjoy your Nightmare Night?"

"Yes we have. We did not think scaring our subjects would make us loved and admired."

"Only on this night, princess. Don't start scaring ponies every night."

"We would not dare terrify our citizens after tonight, we are no longer Nightmare Moon."

"You don't have to preach to me, Luna. I know you mean well and wish to put away that moniker."

Luna gives off a smile that feels genuine and we stand by the lake's edge in comfortable silence.

"It appears that Rainbow Dash has had her night turned around." Or so I thought, dammit.

"So you heard us." It was a statement rather than a question.

"I understand your predicament, somewhat." She walks before me, "However, my sister and I have both informed you that we could not bring you back to your world."

"Doesn't mean that there isn't away. If there is a will, there is a way. I just have to go look for it."

"And in the meantime, you would push those closest to you away?"

"Of course not, I would help them in anyway possible. Being Dashie's special someone isn't going to help her."

"How would you know?"

"Luna, I'm human. Dashie is a pegasus. Two completely different species. In the world I come from, there are no talking ponies. There are no pegasi or unicorns or even alicorns. We are raised by fellow humans and taught to love only fellow humans. We are taught that it is because of procreation, because it was what our gods intended for us, because that is what the public allows."

"That is...disturbing."

"Hell, we were taught to love the opposite sex. Men to women, boy to girl. Most religions reject the notion of same sex love. If we couldn't accept guy on guy action or girl on girl action, we wouldn't accept human on pony relations."

"...I see... What is your view on it?"

"On what? Gay relationships? I say go love who you want to love. Doesn't matter if they're the same sex. Love isn't constricted."

"Yet your reaction to Rainbow Dash's feelings..."

"I told her that I acknowledge them, but I don't reciprocate them. I was raised to love another human being and I do. Abby is who I love and will continue to do so. I would do anything to be with her."

"I see."

"I'm sorry that I hurt Dashie's feelings, but I just don't feel the same. The concept isn't exactly foreign to me, but it isn't something I practice. I'm sorry."

And like that, it was silent once more. I sat down by the water edge sometime during my rant. Luna was lying on her legs beside me. Maybe I wasn't completely lying when I said I came out here for a break, but now I felt more drained than ever.

"You shouldn't apologize for that. It's not something you control." Luna says.

"I may not control my upraising, but I do control my beliefs. If I didn't have Abby, if I had been here longer, then maybe... I don't know, but maybe."

It was the honest truth. Or rather, my perception of what I can say could happen.

"I see. You continue to surprise us, Nedward, with each meeting. I'm afraid that I am also less than truthful with our purpose here."

"So your not here to spy on my social life?" I couldn't resist to tease.

"Oh heavens no, that would be... terrible to do to a friend."

"Oh, I'm friends with royalty?" I may be teasing too much.

"Yes! Are we not more than acquaintances?" She flushes.

"Yes, we definitely are friends Luna."

"Good, anyway, Bedivere has brought to our attention that you had sustained severe injuries at the Hollow." Her eyes gaze over my form as she spoke about injuries.

"Yea, well Bedivere did a good job fixing me up. I have a few scars, but I'm all fine and dandy."

"Yes, but that was because she was there to heal the damages before they became too threatening. What would happen if you were alone?" Thats a frightening concept.

"Well, I have a few pain-numbing potions and one that may or may not heal minor injuries."

"Those may not be enough if you were to encounter something much more dangerous than an Arachne."

"Very true." If one Arachne could break me like that, imagine what the more fearsome creatures of the dark age could do.

"It is then that Sister and I have arranged an accordance that would help you on your tasks."

"Accordance? And how would this help me?" I should also ask about the fact she said, 'tasks'.

"We have made a deal with an old friend to gift you a magical artifact."

"Now that sounds promising." I wonder if its Avalon? Nah.

* * *

Luna and I talked for some time about when and where I was suppose to get this artifact. Eventually, we called it a night and Luna and her guards took to the night sky back towards Canterlot. I made my way back to the library to find Spike gobbling down the leftovers from our snack batch that was for trick-or-treaters. I was too tired to overreact to him, but I did give him a good whack to the head. Dashie probably hasn't told anyone about what I said as Twilight didn't act any different.

She did ask if I could continue that epic of the Odyssey, but I told her I was far too tired to do so.

"Maybe another time, Twi." I said to her.

The three of us had gotten out of costume and prepared for bed.

"Goodnight Ned, goodnight Twilight." Spike tiredly calls.

"Goodnight Ned, goodnight Spike." Twilight drowsily beckons.

"Goodnight Spike, goodnight Twi." Ned...err..I lazily mumble.

The lights go out and before the dark engulfs all, a thought ran through my head.

Is she still waiting for me?

I am socially awkward, and it is my fault.

* * *

A/N:

I have no excuse. Sorry this almost took two months, frick it, it has taken two months. I'll say that I'm well disappointed with myself for taking so long. I'll do my best to upload more often and much sooner.

Expect an update for I Choose You soon.

Any errors, feel free to point them out or flame about it.

To Fallvegas, funny thing as I got that message, I was already pounding myself for taking so long. Hope this chapter appeases you.

Read and review.

Listen to some chiptune while reading, it may help...

Heavensguard out.


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